


Dangerous and Determined: We Play Dumb, But We Know Exactly What We're Doing

by Born In Captivity- Ineligible to Release (Jashasedai), Eknomind



Series: Alternate Universe - Tame Racing Drivers [17]
Category: Formula 1 RPF, Motorcycling RPF, The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Accusations of rape, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Tame Racing Drivers, Doubles of Every Character, F/M, M/M, Minor Character(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Sexual Content, Slavery, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-14 05:48:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 60
Words: 82,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16907271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jashasedai/pseuds/Born%20In%20Captivity-%20Ineligible%20to%20Release, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eknomind/pseuds/Eknomind
Summary: In an AU where a secret species is used as Racing Drivers, some humans seem made for the grid.When Sebastian is racing, he never feels more like he's at home.  Meanwhile his Racing Driver, Sunshine, can't seem to get comfortable anywhere.The FIA is finally being tried for it's crimes.Charges are brought against the highest ranking FIA official the prosecutors can find: Kimi Raikkonen.This entire fic was posted 12/8/18.It's brand new.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the Tame Racing Drivers AU. Read the series summary.
> 
> The basics are these- All professional racing drivers and riders have double who do the actual racing. The doubles are kept in stables as livestock until it is time to race. They are telepathic and form a telepathic bond with the human who shares their name.
> 
> This story mentions sexual abuse of minors and noncon.
> 
> This story mentions sentient creatures kept as breeding stock/forced to breed. (The breeding is presented in a very negative light)
> 
> It also features an innocent character falsely accused of sexually abusing a minor. (Character is innocent of the charge)
> 
> DL:DR

**Prologue  
Ferrari Research Center- 1990**

The Trainer held the colt's hand as they walked into the bright, nicely painted room. The foal went immediately to look out the window, but there was just a sheet of paper with a picture of some grass and a building and a light, and the dimness of the space outside the room with only 3 walls.

[I do not like these clothes,] He tugged at the grey sweatshirt he was wearing. [This is not my color.]

[When you are on a big team with your partner, you will have to wear whatever the team colours are, you will get used to it, don't worry,] He was told.

[I will work for Ferrari. They wear red.] There was no doubt in his statement.

[Alright, it is time to answer questions about your driving. Remember to look at the camera.]

He asked the colt a question, and then waited expectantly while the Colt thought about his answer. When the colt started to move his hands, the Trainer gestured harshly, [Not like that!]

He frowned and remembered how the Trainer had told him how he was to communicate. He looked into the camera. "My name is Sebastian Vettel.."


	2. Chapter 2

Sebastian’s Family  
1994

 

His family loved him. He was sure of that. They just never showed it in a way that made the feeling well up in his heart like it ought. Mama seemed distant, and no matter how much she cuddled him, he didn’t feel like she could really FEEL his love. She was wonderful and nice, she was the best thing ever, and he loved her. He just felt like their relationship should be...different. 

Papa, well, he was always surprised Papa wanted to spend so much time with him. He was thrilled, and very gratified, but he wasn’t very old before he could out-drive papa. That seemed wrong.

Their home seemed too full of things. Things he wasn’t allowed to touch. Things that served no purpose, but around which he had to move cautiously. He felt like he was always tip-toeing even when he was running.

He was alone with mama and papa and then, later on, there was a filly, and then, another colt.

None of them paid any attention to his gestures, and the doctors told him that when he wasn't speaking out loud, he wasn't talking. They told him the things he thought he was saying when he waved his hands didn't mean anything.

So he spoke and didn't gesture .

He learned to call his sister by her name, to call his brother by his name.

There were karts here, but he felt like there was something better.

And he was always, always lonely…


	3. Chapter 3

Home  
German Grand Prix- 2003

 

A Formula 1 garage was much busier than a Formula 3 garage. The car was HUGE, her beautiful squared off lines like a little bit of heaven sliced out with razor edge and set down in the center of the activity like an angel everyone was excited to visit.

Michael turned and waved at him. “I’ve got to do some testing, now, and make sure everything is running properly. I’ll meet you at the motorhome’s hospitality at 2 for lunch. Until then, go have fun.” He didn’t have to tell him not to interfere with any of the other teams.

Being invited to spend the weekend visiting Michael in the garage was a sign of Michael’ respect for his professionalism as a driver, and a sign that Ferrari really did have plans in mind for his future.

He couldn’t be around for everything, but he had free run of the circuit, and even the pitlane, for most of the Grand Prix. Now was the time the teams were doing testing, and distractions, like 15-year-old boys, had to be minimized. He wanted to go check out the merchandise. If he bought a cap that just said F1, he could probably get a lot of the drivers to sign it.

This year was pretty special. Most years saw one or two rookies, and usually they’d been test drivers and filled in, or at least been on the grid and about the paddock forever. This year had 4.

The interviews the magazines had done, and what he’d seen of their Formula 2 careers had all made it clear that Fernando Alonso was the card to beat. The others had alright records. Maybe Sebastian would get a Fernando cap, and just get his signature on it.

A chill ran up his spine. He turned around. There was a ripple of motion in the people of the crowd. They were turning their attention to, but not moving towards or away from, a man in white and grey overalls.

This was why he was here. This was why he was coming to Formula 1. Guys like this were just walking along, like regular people. Heroes, and no one was treating them any differently. It was so commonplace here for supermen to walk by that people only looked and went about their business.

Kimi Raikkonen stopped when his physical therapist said something to him, and turned back towards the Sauber team garage. He leaned against a fence to wait.

Sebastian wanted to go over and talk to him, but Kimi was none of his business.

Some people from the press spotted him and moved over to ask him questions. He looked away, and that was when Sebastian caught his eye.

He’d been wrong about Fernando Alonso.

There was something different about this man.

‘You are going to be the best there ever was,’ Sebastian thought, wishing he could SHOUT it at the man, ‘You are going to be the most amazing inspiration,’ He promised. ‘When I get to Formula 1, you and I are going to be best friends.’ He thought it as hard as he could, like he could make Kimi hear him and believe him. He realized he hadn’t blink and he let his eyes close.

Kimi turned his attention back to the journalists.

When he walked away, Sebastian felt his heart swell. He would always be like brothers with Michael, but he had a new special favorite on the grid.

Kimi Raikkonen was his.


	4. Chapter 4

Double Oh Status  
Sauber Juniors Team Garage, Italy- 2004

 

Sebastian sat in the chair in the back room of the garage.

Michael was leaning half over the back of his chair, smiling with one side of his mouth more than the other. “I asked to be the one who got to tell you this. Now, you signed all the paperwork. You’ve got Double Oh status.”

Sebastian nodded. “Double Oh? Like James Bond?” He asked.

Michael nodded. “Yes. You see, there is a secret. All the big companies and teams are in on it. Now I’m going to let YOU in on it.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened. He leaned back, like it was all too much. “What is it?”

He chuckled. “None of us race.”

There was a calculating expression. “It’s fake? Like wrestling? That explains why Jacques Villeneuve won.”

That produced a bark of laughter. “No the races are real. But Jacques didn't win. He didn't even drive. None of the drivers drive.”

Sebastian turned his head.

“Every one of us has a double. Like a clone, but different. And they are much better drivers than any man. Jacques didn’t win, his double did. They’re like humans, but they’re a secret species. They are born to drive. The companies have herds of them, and then they go find guys to be the ones everyone sees.” He paused, lowering his voice, “Guys like us.”

“Like us? You don’t drive your car?” He leaned forward, now.

Michael shook his head. “No, neither will you, someday. You’ll have something better than driving.”

“Like what? No privacy? Getting swamped by fans everywhere I ever go??”

“You get the best friend you can ever imagine. Someone who will be closer to you than your brother or your girlfriend or your parents, closer than anyone human can ever be.”

“A friend? Like what?”

“They’re mind readers,” Michael whispered.

Sebastian snorted. He sat back with a laugh. “I should have known you were joking. Doubles who drive the cars.” He laughed again.

He didn’t notice the door behind him opening.

Michael’s gaze rose off Sebastian to the one standing behind him.

He smirked.

Sebastian jumped when someone walked around the side of his chair. He looked up into a smile, a face identical to Michael’s. He paled.

The newcomer sat beside Michael on the couch, legs touching, and Michael picked up his hand. He was wearing jeans and a red shirt. He was the same height, the same build, the same haircut and color, the same narrow nose. His eyes were brown, instead of green, but that was the only difference between them.

Then he laughed, and that was different.

It was the sound of an engine being repeatedly, rapidly revved up.

“Oh,” Sebastian said.

He looked between them.

“This means...I’m not going to get to drive anymore.” He looked at his hands. “I’m fast. Why can’t we both drive?”

“People will notice that two of you look the same,” Michael said, sympathetically, “Besides, the companies don’t hire men, not much past your level. It’s more lucrative for them to pay handlers, instead of drivers. They don’t pay these guys, these guys live on the company dime.”

Sebastian’s head came up. “Slaves?”

“That’s why you signed the forms before you found out. They don’t want the public knowing.”

The boy’s lip curled. “If YOU told, someone would stop it!”

Michael shook his head. “Every once and awhile someone tries to tell. If they’re LUCKY, the companies just make it look like they’re crazy and trying to make trouble. If they’re not, then they disappear in a dark alley. Either way, if they have a Racing Driver partner, HE gets killed. To make sure if someone DID come looking, there would be no lookalike.” His hand was tight around the other one’s hand.

“If he can read my mind,” Sebastian said, thoughtfully, “What am I thinking?” His face scrunched up in intense concentration.

Michael laughed. “They can only read their partner’s mind, and each others’, not other humans.”

“Oh.”

They sat there in silence for a moment, and then the other one scooted to the edge of the couch and leaned closer to Sebastian. He moved his hands, shaping the air in some kind of intentional signal. Sebastian could almost imagine he understood it.

“He says, Hello, my name is Shoe,” Michael told him.

“Shoe? Hello. I’m Sebastian.”

“Shoe, like a Shoe.” Michael laughed. He turned to the other and made a similar series of gestures.

Shoe nodded. He leaned forward, closer again, into Sebastian’s space.

It felt like crowding, so Sebastian leaned back.

“He is not going to hurt you,” Michael said.

Sebastian leaned up again.

Shoe nuzzled noses with him. He was much bigger and older, which was intimidating, but Sebastian felt a wave of fondness for the Racing Driver. Maybe gratitude.

He nuzzled back.

Shoe nodded approvingly, like a lion watching a cub catching mice.

Sebastian turned around suddenly and looked at the door Shoe had come through. “Where is mine? What’s his name? When can I meet him?” He scrunched his face, expecting his mind to be read, again.

Michael laughed and this time Shoe echoed him. “He is not here, he is at Redbull. He lives there. He will tell you his name when you meet him for the first time. In December. Before that, you have a lot of learning to do. This training program Redbull has offered you will teach you how to work with him. And he can’t read your mind until after you’ve met.” He was smiling, big and genuine, now.

“Great! Does he speak sign language, like Rain? Will you teach me something to say to him? Something like, Hi, I’m so excited to meet you!?” He pulled a pen and notebook out of his knapsack.

“Alright. Let’s get started. I’ll tell you a couple things that he’ll probably be really excited for you to ask him.” Michael sat forward and the lesson began.


	5. Chapter 5

Winter Program at Redbull  
2004

 

Gestures were easy. Why didn't everyone see the sense in them immediately? Sebastian couldn't wait to meet his Racing Driver so they could talk in gestures all the time. He smiled secretively. The other boy, Sebastien with an E, didn't really understand what Racing Drivers meant. It meant there wasn't just one of those amazing heroes. There was two of everyone. Two of Michael. Two of Kimi. There was going to be two of Sebastian, soon. Except they were really one person.

He felt scared, standing outside of the room where he would match. He wanted this to be over with. The knock on the door was more like a bang. He rushed in.

The Red Racing Driver got one arm free and started pushing at the men holding him. He got partway to his feet before the men captured his arm and dragged him down again. The Racing Driver's helmet followed him.

Sebastian felt afraid. He had to do something. The best plan was to just do what the handlers had told him, for now. He walked over to the Red.

When he reached for the helmet, the Red tried to headbutt him. This intention had been projected in his body language, though, and Sebastian moved his hands out of the way, grabbing the back of the helmet and yanking it off. It wouldn't have been comfortable for the Racing Driver, but Sebastian knew it was the best way to do it fast. He set the helmet neatly on the ground, then looked into the Racing Drivers eyes.

With a sense of shock. He realized this colt was exactly like him. His eyes were a little darker blue, he was a hair taller, Sebastian could speak, but otherwise, they were identical. He felt hands rummaging around in his mind.

He could feel the other boy wondering what he was. He could feel his touch inside his head. He was WORKING on Sebastian. Changing things. Rearranging. 'HEY!' He thought, loud, shouting in his head. He reached back into the other boy, but there was nothing to use to make any changes. There was a sense of alarm. He tried to...catch hold of the other boy, who was daring to move around in his mind. The other boy dodged him and kept making changes, though, and as he did, Sebastian felt better about what was happening. Not because the changes were making him feel better, but because he was coming to understand what was happening. The boy was building a bridge between them, for which he had to make changes in Sebastian, so the bridge would have a solid foundation from both sides.

The Warmth of the Sunshine in Summer stood on the bridge. It was a feeling and it was his name. He called to Sebastian, 'Wind to Warm the Ice,' Sebastian felt the rightness of his own name, 'Come here, little one.'

Sebastian joined him on the bridge.

'How did you get here?' The Racing Driver asked, between their minds. Sebastian could feel the caresses as though they were physical. He wanted to cry. He had always wanted a deeper connection with the people around him. Now, here, he was being offered a connection that could satisfy him.

'I was alone, and they brought me to you. I will do anything for you.' Sebastian answered. He insinuated himself into Sunshine.

'My love, I will do anything for you.' For some reason, Sunshine's touch burned.


	6. Chapter 6

Manipulate  
2005

 

Sebastian walked into the back room of the garage. Sunshine, the most wonderful creature in the world had Paul Di Resta's Orange Racing Driver backed into a corner, both their helmets off, the lesser Racing Driver's eyes wide with panic. Sunny's hands were on the walls on either side of the other Racing Driver, leaning into his teammate's space.

[Sebastian, help!] Sweep gestured.

Sunshine slammed his hand on the wall beside the other Racing Driver's head.

Sweep looked back at Sunshine.

[What...are you doing?] Sebastian asked.

[Go away, love, don't watch this.] Sunny gestured against the wall over his cowering teammate's head.

[No. You should let him go. You're scaring him.] Sebastian washed his hands one over the other. [Paul wouldn't like you treating him like that.]

Sunshine pointed a finger in Sweep's face. [Don't move.] He turned around and stalked over to Sebastian. [Well? What are you going to do about it?]

Sebastian leaned around him and gestured to the alarmed Racing Driver, [Sweep, go to Paul.] The other Racing Driver dashed for the door. [Please, don't tell him, Sweep? Please? I'll fix this.] He begged.

The Racing Driver nodded and disappeared through the door.

Sunshine smirked after him.

Sebastian wrapped his arms around his match's waist and laid his head on his chest. "Mmmm," he hummed contentedly. 'Now just back off him, slowly, and he'll know I've done what I promised. He'll know I'm on his side.'

'Too bad he wouldn't believe it, otherwise.'

Sebastian shrugged, 'Oranges are paranoid. He'll be happier feeling justified in his fear.'

'As though I would hurt him.'

'You're the big Red on the grid. They expect viciousness from Reds.'

Sunshine's warmth cooled, like a cloud had passed over the sun.

'Don't start that, there's nothing wrong with you, you're wonderful. You are just as you are supposed to be.' Sebastian reassured him, before his own face clouded over. It wasn't as though Sunny was like him, and couldn't connect with his own species at all. Had more in common with Racing Drivers than he would ever have with humans. Sunny was perfect. Not deficient.

The Red closed his eyes and squeezed him closer. 'I want to be like you see me. Sweet and good.'

'You ARE sweet and good.' Sebastian told him. _Not like me._


	7. Chapter 7

Equal Footing  
2006

 

Sebastian smiled. He and Sunshine held hands. He was just so happy to be on the grid in F1. They were the youngest ever, because Sunny was the best, because they were the best team. Soon everyone would know, would love them and admire them. Even if they didn't win, he was here, home, in F1, like he was meant to be.

[Hello!] he gestured at the other Racing Drivers. He couldn't really tell who was who, they all looked so alike in their gear. So he gestured to everyone.

The crowd moved to let Michael through. It was early in the week, so the track was a little quieter. Still full of crews and media and people just hanging around, but the stands weren't packed and everyone was focused on getting the cars ready.

Michael said hello, while gesturing the words subtly. He was a seven time world champion now, he and his Racing Driver, Shoe, and the confidence just dripped off him. He didn't even need to be cocky. He was assured.

[Hello!] Sebastian gestured.

[Feeling comfortable? You enjoy your new team?] The gestures weren't perfect translations for the German he was speaking, but it was easy to see what he meant.

[Yes, this is a good team.]

He smiled and looked over the bustle. [Sometimes I like to just listen. If you know what to listen for, you can hear Racing Driver voices,] he paused, closed his eyes. [Can you hear the lark?]

Sebastian closed his eyes and listened. Down the pit lane there was a car running. Or, it sounded like a car running, it was more melodious, more natural. When he heard it, he could picture the little blue suited Racing Driver that had taken two world Championships. Alondra, which meant lark in Spanish.

[He is singing,] he said. [Fernando's Racing Driver.]

Sunshine squeezed his hand, [He is a good singer.]

Michael nodded. [He does, often. When the Racing Drivers sing at the start of the race, he leads them. His voice is the heart of the song. Shoe tells me it is more wonderful since he has begun to sing it for them.]

[Sunshine sings the opening of the races, do all of them?]

Sunshine and Michael both nodded.  
[Even Jaamies?]

Michael looked at him with a question.

[Kimi is so quiet.] Sebastian explained.

[Jaamies is a good singer.] Sunny told him. [Shoe is a powerful singer, too.]

[But not always as melodious,] Michael grinned ruefully. [He is happy to follow Alondra's lead in the singing.]

[I wish I could hear it! Or sing with them!] Sebastian said.

Michael looked at him, surprised. [I wish I could, too.] His mood shifted from wistful to cheerful and he buffeted Sebastian on the shoulder. [I will see you, later on, little brother. For now, my match is calling me. It's time to drive.]

The younger pair waved at him as he went. Sebastian couldn't wait until he gave off an aura like that. He wanted everyone who saw him to know he was competent and brave, and untouchable fast. Just like Michael.


	8. Chapter 8

I Feel Safe  
2006

 

They were sitting in the motorhome, nothing really to do, so one was catching up on paperwork and the other was doing sit-ups on the floor.

‘I could kill you,’ The Racing Driver said it as though he had just thought of an interesting surprise.

‘You could try,’ Sebastian said, turning his head to speak over his shoulder, but not taking his focus off the report.

‘There are places in your mind, all I would have to do is push,’ Sunshine mused.

This just elicited a nod of acknowledgement.

‘You couldn’t stop me.’

‘Has it occurred to you that I could kill you as well? I can reach all the same places on you as you can on me.’ He turned the page on the stack.

‘I would know you were going to do it before, and I would stop you.’

Another silent nod. ‘I’m sure you would.’

‘It wouldn’t hurt. Unless I wanted it to. There are things I can push that can make you hurt. A lot.’ Sunshine adjusted his legs so he could see Sebastian’s face as he did his sit-ups.

‘I’m sure there are.’

The tone of his sendings got darker, ‘You should be afraid of me. You don’t know when I will get angry and decide to do it.’

‘You seem angry now. Let me know if you do decide to, I’ll stop doing paperwork and give you my full attention.’ He flipped through his notes and filled out one of the entries according to what he had written down previously about Sunshine’s impressions of the car.

‘Maybe I am angry. Maybe you SHOULD pay more attention to me. Maybe you shouldn’t turn your back on me.’ He kicked at Sebastian’s chair. Sebastian had been rocked onto the back two legs and the chair jumped two inches as the front legs fell.

The man didn’t give any indication he’d noticed.

Sunshine’s nose scrunched and his lip sneered.

‘Look at me,’ He hissed.

Sebastian turned unimpressed eyes on him and waited.

‘No one would ever know,’ Sunshine said, slowly like a reassurance. ‘Except you,’ He added, ‘And you wouldn’t know for long. No one else would ever know.’

‘You would.’ Sebastian’s eyes raised empathetically, and his sending conveyed such sorrow that Sunshine would have to endure the pain of that for the rest of his existence.

The Racing Driver’s expression filled with horror. ‘No! Don’t say that!’ He rolled smoothly to throw himself at Sebastian’s feet. ‘I didn’t mean it. I wouldn’t really! I’m so sorry.’ He hugged his match around the waist, ‘Sebastian, I wouldn’t make you hurt. I’m sorry. Don’t be scared. I would never do anything you didn’t want me to do!’ He drew back and rested his head and chest on Sebastian’s lap. ‘I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it. Please don’t make me live without you. I’m sorry.’

Sebastian whispered fingertip touches over the Racing Driver’s tear wetted face and let him sob himself out. It was hard, but there weren’t very many ways to push Sunshine out of those moods, where he hoarded his rage and dribbled it out like hot steel.

‘Shh, Sunshine. I won’t make you do that. I won’t.’ Trying to pull him back had failed every time. Pushing him through the other side had proved to be the most reliable with the least amount of damage. If he could make him angry enough, he would be forced to vent it. Once the rage was vented, he came back to his normal, wonderful, friendly mindset. ‘It’s alright to cry. Let yourself cry it out, Red one.’

He bent down and hid the wetness of his own eyes in his Racing Driver’s golden curls. The heat of the pain Sunshine was venting through him was agonizing, but his tears were welling from his own heart.

He loved Sunshine so much. Anyone else would stupidly act as though they were afraid of the sweet creature in his arms. Would ruin him by reinforcing his own fears about himself. ‘You could never do anything bad enough to make me hate you. I will always love you and stand up for you. I will never turn away from you. I will never stop loving you.’

Sebastian kept saying it, because keeping Sunshine believing it was the way to make sure it was never tested. As long as he made Sunshine know that their bond was proof against anything, Sunshine wouldn’t try to break it, just to confirm his own fears. These little sorties into what he saw as dangerous territory would prove he could rely on Sebastian’s love, and he would never feel tempted to do anything truly bad. He could say incendiary things and vent his angry feelings and Sebastian would prove it was safe. That it was alright to feel.

Sebastian would never hurt Sunshine for his strong feelings. He would never punish him for being a powerful Racing Driver. He would never deny Sunshine the right to feel safe with him. Sebastian would never hurt Sunshine at all.

Sunshine could say what he liked, Sebastian would never be afraid of him.

They would never hurt each other. That was what kept them safe.


	9. Chapter 9

Hope in the Night, Sighs in the Morning  
Singapore Grand Prix- 2011

 

The night was warm for autumn, and the Redbull matches were walking from the go-kart track where they’d filmed the first portion of the sponsorship ad. They were both personally sponsored by Redbull as well as being on the team. The streets were lined with paper lanterns that were casting everything in a warm, orange glow.

“Well, now that you’re old enough, fancy a drink, Sebastian?” Mark asked, smiling for the camera.

“I’m glad we went to the track first, Mark. I may be young but I know never to drink and drive.” Sebastian flipped his blonde curls.

“Good on ya, mate.” He clapped his hand onto his shoulder.

“Got it,” Said the director.

The walk to the rest of the shoot was a long way, and Mark sped his pace until his long legs had the 15 person camera crew walking as a separate group. Sebastian was practically trotting to stay beside him. The kid seemed decent.

Rabbit had nothing but glowing reviews for Sunshine.

Mark had looked at their records. There was no doubt they were fast. He got the feeling that mostly, Rabbit was thrilled to have another Redbull Racing Driver on the team. He had respected David Coulthard, all the Racing Drivers did, he was the only human fast enough to race F1.

Though Mark had earned a spot as a test driver on his own merit.

“You like driving, mate?”

They were out of earshot of the crew, but Sebastian still turned around guiltily to look at them.

“Of course,” He said, “I wouldn’t be an F1 driver if I didn’t?”

Mark looked at him incredulously. “Yeah, but I mean, when you’re just...driving for fun, you like it?”

Sebastian lit up. “Yeah! I love it. My parents own a kart track, and I grew up there. On the karts every minute I could. When I was in the lower classes,” He glanced behind them again, “It was my whole life.” He looked back at Mark, surprise dawning in his face. “You like to drive...for fun, too?”

“Best feeling ever, mate.” He considered how to phrase his next comment, “I’m pretty fast. Even before I got my shot in F1.” He nodded, willing Sebastian to understand that he meant before Rabbit.

Sebastian’s hand moved, just barely, and Mark could tell he was making the matching gesture.

He nodded again. “I got my F1 test drive without help. I never thought anything could be better than that feeling.” He laughed, “Until about 6 months later.”

This produced an enthusiastic nodding of blonde curls.

He felt a great sense of camaraderie for Sebastian, then. His Sunshine had grown up with Rabbit. Like brothers. Maybe they could be like brothers. He had always wanted a little brother.

He ruffled Sebastian’s curls.

Sebastian made a sour face and ruffled Mark’s hair back.

“Hey!” Called the makeup guy from a dozen paces behind. “Don’t mess up your makeup.”

Mark laughed. “Think we could outrun them?”

Sebastian looked back at the group of desk jockeys and the stolid cameramen. “For sure.”

They both started sprinting.

Athletic to keep up with their Racing Drivers, they quickly outdistanced the crew. Mark had longer legs, but he preferred a bicycle to running, and Sebastian was an avid runner, but he slowed his pace to stay stride for stride with Mark.

They knew where to find the hotel restaurant where they were filming the next segment. As they came in sight of it, an unspoken command passed between them. Both jogs turned into sprints. Head down as fast as they could run. Darting around the sparse sidewalk traffic. They touched the door of the restaurant within a heartbeat. Too close to tell.

“Beat you!” Sebastian burst out laughing. He pumped his fist in the air. “Checkered flag!”

Mark laughed, “No way, man, I beat YOU.”

Sebastian laughed again, like he thought it was funny, not like he was laughing from the fun anymore. Then the smile fell off his face. “No...you didn’t…” His posture was stiff, and his head back.

If Mark had seen Rabbit in that posture, he’d have said he was offended. Like the time Mark had brought him barbequed chicken and Rabbit had explained, radiating disgust that Racing Driver did NOT eat bird meat. This kid was REALLY competitive.

So was Mark. “We touched the door at the same time. Either of us could have been ahead.” He huffed a breath. The sprint hadn’t been too taxing, but he wanted to have his wind back by the time the camera crew showed up.

“But we weren’t. I was ahead.” Sebastian was facing him completely, but Mark was faced back along the street.

“Sure you were,” He said, disbelievingly, “Now look cool, here comes the crew.” He slicked his hair back. “About time you caught up!” He called to them. “My teammate and I were about ready to give up and film the rest of the spot ourselves.” He put his arm around Sebastian’s shoulder. This was great. Like two brothers teasing their guardians. He’d always wanted a brother. Like a big brother, he whispered to Sebastian again, just friendly teasing, “I beat you, though.”

Sebastian smiled his sweet smile for the cameras.

“I’m ready for my first drink, Mark. What do you think I should try?” He chirruped.

“Well of course, while we’re on track, we drink Redbull energy. It keeps us hydrated and gives us the energy we need to get on the podium every time.” Mark held up his prop, a Redbull can, “But tonight, we should celebrate our latest win with,” He exchanged cans with an assistant standing just out of shot, “Taurus Brew. A cold, hoppy beer that’s just right for,”

He stopped, then, and they did two more takes. Then they went inside the restaurant and sat, still in their racing coveralls, at a table laid with a 5 course dinner. “Fine dining,” Mark said for the camera, holding up the can, trying to recapture the momentum he’d had on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant half an hour of setup before.

They went to the restaurant’s bar, which was set with flashing lights, and girls dancing slowly in the background. “A night clubbing.” This took a dozen takes because the sound wasn’t quite right, and eventually the director told him they’d record it and dub it over.

Then they walked out to the hotel’s private beach. There were some actors in swimwear, creating a party around a bonfire. More of the lanterns were strung around the sandy firepit area.

Mark and Sebastian stretched out in two lounge chairs and Sebastian resumed the look of fascinated listening. “Or just chillin by the barbie,” Mark said, putting every ounce of Australian into his voice that he could.

Sebastian took a sip from the can, which had been emptied of beer and filled with water. “This tastes great, Mark. It’s so smooth. It even comes in 5 classic varieties, stout, porter, ale, lager, and wheat.”

“Hold!” The director called, “Showing the graphic.” An assistant counted down until Sebastian and Mark could move again. The director pointed at them, “Action.”

“I think you’ll find a lot of great things about Taurus Brews, mate,” Mark said, “But looks like I’m out. Since I’m not driving tonight, I think I’ll have another.” He got off his lounge chair and started walking towards the hotel.

“Only if I don’t get there first!” Sebastian said, rolling off his lounger. “Let’s race!” They took off running in the sand, bare feet kicking up sand.

“Cut,” The director called. “Good job guys, I think we got that in one.”

They stopped running and drifted back to the light of the bonfire. Mark was feeling sorry for the actors in shorts and bikinis. A wind had picked up and the night wasn’t warm anymore. He was in coveralls, but his bare feet were cold in the sand.

“Just hang around while we review this,” The director told them. He looked into the viewfinder on the big camera while the shots were replayed.

“What are you doing after this?” Mark asked Sebastian. Maybe they could go out for a real drink.

“Once we finish, I am going upstairs and having a hot shower. It got cold.” He put his hands on his biceps and shivered dramatically. They were both staying in the hotel where they were filming.

“Looks like we got it,” The director said. “Thanks for the work, guys. That’s a wrap,” He called to the set in general. The actors trudged up the beach to the hotel and warm clothes.

A gust of wind flicked the corner of one of the beach blankets. Out to sea, a lightning strike lit up a huge mass of cloud across the horizon. “Just in time,” Mark said, as the thunder rolled across the sea to them, followed by another gust of wind.

The storm beat the hotel and waterfront with rain and whipped it with wind all night, and when Mark got up in the morning, the sun was rising over a mess. The paper lanterns that hadn’t blown away had melted into smudges of acid bright color on the grey sand, and the beach blankets, forgotten by the crew, had either been caught by the fence, or blown over the fence into the beachfront pool. There was a dead red and blue striped beach ball floating in the pool.

He turned on his news feed.

The interviews he and Sebastian had done last night, after filming the spot, had been published. He glanced through his own answers, to see they hadn’t twisted his words too badly. He read through Sebastian’s answers carefully, smiling at the way the boy managed to get his bouncy personality so come across in written interviews. He came to the question about how Sebastian liked his new teammate.

His smile dissolved like a paper lantern in a rainstorm.

“He is an amazing driver, but I don’t think much of his morals, but his accent is so thick, maybe I misunderstand.”


	10. Chapter 10

Impressed with Mark  
2009

 

Mark Webber was just so great.

Sebastian felt so impressed by him, which was strange, because he didn't actually like him more than most people. He felt compelled to like him, and Sebastian was stubborn, and didn't like feeling like he HAD to do things.

He found himself picking at Mark's flaws.

"What do you mean you can't understand my accent?" Mark came up to him in the garage. They'd been teammates for winter break and a couple races.

Sebastian looked up from the air gun he was tuning as part of his job on the pit crew. He talked to Sunny, and during pit stops, he ran an air gun. He was fast at it, too.

"What? I didn't say anything, I was just working." He indicated the air gun.

"I saw that interview you gave. You think MY accent is hard to understand?" Mark ran a hand through his hair.

Why was he so frustrated? Sebastian wanted to cuddle him to make him feel better. No! Where had that thought come from? Embarrassed by the impulse, he frowned. "It is hard to understand, and you don't need to keep saying mate every ten seconds."

Mark gaped.

Maybe that had been too mean.

Sunshine was frowning at Sebastian from across the garage.

Sebastian felt sorry he had hurt Mark's feelings. Mark was good, he should never feel bad.

Now Rabbit was looking, too, Sebastian could feel his eyes.

Sunshine touched his mind. 'Shh, calm down, Sebastian.'

The desire to save Mark from all discomfort ebbed, and while Sebastian still felt sorry for hurting his feelings, he was annoyed at himself for feeling protective. He made a hmmph noise and turned back to his work.

Mark stood there for a moment, like he was unsure if he wanted to pursue an apology, so Sebastian made a shooing motion with his hand. "If that's all you have to say, we're done, here."

He hated how out of control he felt around Mark. Half the time he wanted to crawl into his arms, the other half he wanted to push him down and scream his dominance. It was like some weird crush with no sexual component. That must just be rivals, he guessed.

When Mark had claimed to get to the door first, though Sebastian had clearly reached it a moment before, who could respect someone who would LIE about whether they’d legitimately won? Maybe he wanted to like Mark, but there was no way to trust someone like that.

Sunshine stroked his mind until he forgot about being conflicted.


	11. Chapter 11

Calling for Help  
2009

 

Mark needed a Red to talk to. Not Sebastian. Not Sunshine, either. Sebastian didn't need to spend more time with Mark and Rabbit.

Sunshine couldn't do it. He couldn't be objective enough. He would mess it up. Rabbit would be SO mad when he found out about team orders, Sunshine told himself.

He rested his helmet on the garage wall. Rabbit would look at Sunshine with disbelief and say [I didn't raise you like this. What did I ever say or do to make you think it was alright to CHEAT like this?]

Rabbit wouldn't understand. Perfect, Blue Rabbit, with his rules and his forthrightness. He would say Sunshine should stand up to them. Rabbit would have faced them down. No matter what. Rabbit would do what was right.

Sunshine couldn't risk losing the spot on the team, though. Rabbit was never going to lose his spot in the team. Rabbit was Redbull's first stallion, the LEAD stallion. Colts like Sunshine lost their spots all the time. Unless they kept winning. Did everything to win.

He was betraying Rabbit, though. The team was hurting Rabbit, and Sunshine was just keeping his head down.

That's what you have to do on the grid. His survival instincts told him.

Thinking like that is what keeps us from getting free. Said another part of him, that sounded an awful lot like a tall, dark haired Racing Driver.

He turned his head back and forth on the corner of the garage brickwork, making a kjjj-clunk every time the ridge at his visor went over the corner.

Now, because of it, Rabbit's man needed help, and Sunshine was the last one who was right to help him.

He abraded the helmet against the brick wall in the other direction. Clunk-kjjjj as the plastic slid over the masonry.

'Hey. Come down here.'

He turned and looked. At the edge of the pit lane stood a figure in red. Oh. Maybe a Racing Driver who wore red was exactly what Mark needed. A Racing Driver who WORE red, but who's heart was White. The one who could do ANYTHING he put his mind to.

Sunny skipped down the driveway and pressed himself to Jaamies' side.


	12. Chapter 12

#  **Michael’s Little Brother**

#  **Last race 2009**

The gird felt different after his first year there.  Still heaven compared to everywhere else, but now he was a PART of it.  It wasn't as often he got totally overwhelmed with awe, and the other Racing Drivers were starting to realize what strong adversaries Sunshine and Sebastian were.

Even they were still there, despite their retirement from active racing.  They still made his heart beat faster, sometimes he could tell they were at a track before he even saw them.  That must have been Sunny's sensing Shoe, somehow bleeding through to Sebastian.

Their friendship deepened over time, as the seasons went by.  Sebastian came to think of him as his older brother. Michael called him Young in German, which had an implication of fatherly affection.  He loved his family, but somehow the Racing Drivers and their matches seemed like his family, too. Sometimes like brothers he didn't get along with, but, like brothers, he would defend them from anyone who dared mess with the fraternity.

"He said Mark wasn't fast enough to drive F1, and I told him if he knew what it takes to drive F1, that I was a horse, but he was a jackass."  Sebastian sat against the wall outside the Paddock Clubhouse's side door, sort of beside a stack of crates.

Michael was leaning against the crates.  He smirked. "Last week you told me Mark was so stupid he could paint himself into a corner in a round room."

"I can make jokes about my friends, but HE can't."

Michael nodded.  "I always said that about Ralf."  He picked at a rough piece of plastic on one of the crates.  "It's easy to feel protective of other matches, isn't it? They go through all the same things we do.  I wonder if I would be as close to my brother if I couldn't share what I have with Shoe with him, and listen to what he feels about Rex."

Sebastian picked at his fingernail.

"It would be so wonderful if we could talk about them to anyone."

Michael had said similar things before.  He had great empathy for the Racing Drivers.  He was a Red at heart, big emotions, Sebastian reflected, like Shoe and Sunny, and Sebastian himself for that matter.

"The guys at Top Gear are trying to make that happen."

Sebastian froze.

"That Racing Driver they have is real.  It's not Ben Collins in a suit."

Sebastian looked at Michael.  "I know."

"If he gets exposed, Top Gear will have to make it seem like they were faking him.  When they try to REALLY expose Racing Drivers, the public will never believe it. Here."  Michael handed him a piece of paper with only a phone number on it. "I like to think even if it didn't personally affect me I would stand up for them anyway."  Michael smiled wanly. "Do me a favour, alright?" He handed him a piece of paper with a phone number and the word Denver on it. "If I'm ever in a position where I can't do it myself, call this number.  Tell him you are interested in the history of racing, and then listen to what he tells you."

Michael pushed himself away from the wall of crates.  Sebastian stood up to shake his hand. Instead, Michael pulled him into a hug.  "Goodbye, Young."


	13. Chapter 13

Sunshine’s Friend  
Redbull Race Training Compound- 2011

_"Thus it fell to one of the rank and file to make a discovery that probably saved lives." -Douglas Adams, Watership Down_

 

The stallions were out in the exercise yard. Xerxes and Sunshine were pacing up and down the side wall. The other similar age stallions were paired up playing staring contest.

'Everyone is mad that I'm on the team, now you're the only one who will talk to me,' Sunshine murmured.

'You have Sebastian, though,' Xerxes sighed, enviously.

'He's not the same.'

'He is half a Racing Driver, so he is half the same,' Xerxes chirped. What a deep, lovely connection they must have. He loved Alexander, but to be matched with a human like...

Sunshine hit him, inside and out in perfect coordination. Xerxes fell to the ground from the force of the punch in the side of the face. He landed on his chest with a grunt as his breath went out. Sunshine jumped on him. He tried to push himself up, but the smaller, older stallion's weight wasn't all that was keeping him down. Sunshine was leaning on him with the full strength of his Championship. He couldn't draw a full breath.

He ground Xerxes face against the concrete, he was kneeling on him, drowning him in terror that he would compromise Sebastian's safety. Beyond this was a murderous rage that was immobilising any resistance the other stallions might have mounted. 'You tell about him...' He snarled, into Xerxes mind only, 'You tell about him, you ever tell about him and I will KILL you!' His growl rose in fury.

HELP! Xerxes screamed. There was no one to help, the head of his family was holding him down and crushing him into the dirt. He couldn't breathe. He was starting to see black. Sunshine was making it impossible to breathe. He was dying. He was never going to drive again. 

He threw himself uselessly against Sunshine's weight.

Alexander! He was never going to be with Alexander again! He was really going to shut down here on the ground in the exercise yard, and there would be no Alexander, never anymore.

The fight went out of him. He stopped struggling, too afraid to do anything but react like his body wanted to react to danger. He went limp. 'Please don't kill me,' he whispered. 'Please, I don't want to tell.'

'No! I will not have to kill you, I will just tell everyone you are cracked and then they will know no one can ever believe you.'

His heart crashed into a wall at 100 miles an hour. He could see, out of the eye that wasn't mashed against the ground, his right hand gesturing a harmless string of unrelated words. He shrieked through his teeth. When he opened his lips to take in a sucking breath, the grit from the ground got on them, got in his mouth. He was breathing it, eating it. 'Don't DO that! I'm not, I'm not, I'm not CRAZY.' He sobbed into the dust. The tears running down his face were creating mud, and his hand would NOT stop gesturing useless words.

He hated it. He would do anything to stop the quiet stream. [Dirt, dirt, faring, soft, dirt, dirt, thirsty, dirt, dig,] his hand went on without him.

Sunshine pressed harder for a moment and the world narrowed to pinpoints, and then Sunshine's voice nailed into his head. 'You don't hurt Sebastian. You don't ever hurt Sebastian.' He pushed off Xerxes and he was gone.

With the threat removed, the fear drained, but his heart was still beating and his body was still ready to fight. He pushed himself up and realized his overalls were wet. He let out another sob, crawled towards the wall and huddled, arms around his legs, hands pinched between his knees where they couldn't keep talking without him. His face was scraped and his head hurt and he was bruised where Sunshine pressed his knee into him.

'I just thought it would be nice. A match like Sebastian. He is so nice. Why did Sunshine get so scared of me?' He sent into Alexander's connection, where the questions would dissolve into nothingness because they couldn't reach his partner. It felt good to talk like Alexander was listening. Alexander loved him. He was so good. He loved Xerxes, even if Sunshine did not.

He put his head on his knee, but this made him aware of the smell of his overalls and he turned his head to the wall. 'I thought Sunshine was my friend. He got so scared.' He became aware that the fear and injunction to remain put was wearing off the other Drivers and they were coming over. 

NO! He wanted to be alone. They had all watched him attacked by his only friend, watched Sunshine make him cry, make him... He'd been so scared that Sunshine would actually do it. A Racing Driver had to be very afraid to go limp like that, to relax into an imminent impact. They must see the wet spot on the concrete. Shame burned through him. He'd lost control like a colt. Now they were going to come over here and touch him and look at his shame. They would be disgusted by him, they would hate him even more, [GET AWAY FROM ME!] He shrieked. Oz tried to ignore him, but he just screamed it again, and again and again, losing track of time, until someone did come near, kneeling just out of the range of his feet if he needed to kick, but in his field of vision, where he could see.

It was the human driver. Xerxes dropped his eyes and scooted back a few inches so the man wouldn't touch him.

[Hush, sweet one, hush,] he gestured, [I'm not going to hurt you,] his speaking gestures were accented in the way unmatched humans had, where they didn't understand how to really make the gestures mean what they meant. He was more fluent than most, though. [One to be protected, I want to help you. I saw you out here all alone, sending away your enemies. No enemies now, little furry creature.]

[My chest hurts,] he gestured. [I want to go to my stall.]

[You have blood going,] the man had deep concern on his face.

Xerxes' heart couldn't be smashed any further, it had endured all it could for one day, so he nodded silently. Of course a man would want to take him to Price. A man saw the Trainer only as a healer. He didn't see that Xerxes would be the one punished for frightening Sunshine. He couldn't disobey, though. The man was a driver and had a right to his obedience. He stood to limp to the medical wing. The man hovered just outside his reach as they walked, but kept looking at him and examining him as Xerxes passed close when the man held open the doors.

He didn't feel Price in the medical center. He felt a different mind. Leggera. Oh that was so much better. The bond pair who taught Trainers was here. He was a good man. He was fierce but fair. He wouldn't turn Xerxes away as a waste of time. Wouldn't tell him he deserved what he got and warn him not to bother Sunshine any more.

He wouldn't be bothering Sunshine any more.

Never more.

No.

The human, and another human, older than Xerxes, but not as old as either the Trainer or the driver, was in the room, watching quietly. He had a hole in his head. Not a physical hole, but a worse kind. Where there should have been a connection to a Racing Driver there was just raw, torn, flesh. It was not even skinned over, just thickly scabbed. He was still learning to pretend to be human, since it was immediately apparent he was one Racing Driver torn in two. 

Xerxes looked away from the irreparable wound politely. If he could have shared the pain and accomplished something he would have continued to look, but this was a wound too terrible to contemplate, and it hurt him to try.

David Coulthard and Johnny Constalioga leaned close and looked at him. He felt overwhelmed, suddenly, by all the attention and had to sit down. Johnny nodded and made noises at David. How could these humans be so kind? When his own family hurt and rejected him?

 

\--

 

They took him back to his stall, after they had patched his wounds. He could feel Sunshine waiting for him, and he tried to avoid the other stallion's mind. He couldn't, though. Sunshine was stronger and he just pushed at Xerxes' mind until there was no choice but to answer.

'I shouldn't have done that, Xerxes,' He started, 'I was just so scared for Sebastian. I didn't realize you knew about him. If the men find out they will hurt him.' He sent confidence that Xerxes must understand.

'Hurt him like you hurt me?' He asked the stronger stallion. 'You were worried someone he couldn't fight back against might find out his secret? Tell everyone that he's different? That there is something wrong with him? Worried that they might hold him down and hurt his body?'

Sunshine didn't send anything.

'I don't care what you were worried about. You hurt me! I can't fight you. I am not strong enough to say a WORD to you. You are my protector. YOU are strong enough to protect the whole herd and instead you hurt me. I'm just a foal, compared to you, and you are the strongest stallion in the stable. You did a BAD thing. I don't have to forgive you, and I won't. Ever.'

He was crying again, and he deserved to be punished for saying things like these to a Champion, to his lead stallion. He didn't care. His only friend betrayed him and humiliated him in front of their peers, and then left him lying in the dirt.

He wasn't strong enough to fight Sunshine. He wanted to hurt him back, though. He couldn't fight, but he knew things. Knew Sunshine's secrets like Sunshine knew his. If Sunshine didn't have to keep his secrets, he didn't have to keep Sunshine's.

'You are a pathetic, selfish, bully. No wonder Rabbit is ASHAMED of you.'

He expected Sunshine to smash him again.

Instead, Sunshine was taken aback.

'Rabbit isn't ashamed of me. He is proud of me...'

'Rabbit loves honesty. How could he be proud of a CHEATER like you?!'

'The team cheats! I tried to make them stop.'

'You still take the wins you don't deserve.'

'I DO deserve them. I'm the best driver. None of the rest of them can win against me.'

'Rabbit could, if you would race him.'

'Why are you saying these things to me?' Sunshine screamed at him. 'You're my friend! I told you about the team because I wanted help.'

'No, I'm not your friend. I told you about what happens to me because I thought you were my friend, but you used it to hurt me. You're right, no one will ever believe me, because I am cracked and I can't stop saying words and I get confused, but the only thing wrong with you is you are a monster and I don't have to be friends with you! I hate you!' He screamed back. Everyone could hear them, now.

Everyone knew everything, now.

Xerxes slammed his connection closed on Sunshine, and everyone else.

He sat in his dark stall, alone, signing the word 'scream' over and over and over.


	14. Chapter 14

Convergence of Circumstances- What Rabbit Didn’t Know  
British GP 2011

 

Convergence of circumstances. It was apparent, when Sebastian arrived at the stall in the morning, that Sunshine hadn't slept. His eyes were dark ringed and he was pale.

'You weren't up all night arguing with Rabbit again?' He asked.

Nothing had been the same since Michael had died.

Nothing had ever gotten better.

'No. I couldn't stop thinking about this race, and what he was going to say today, and the little insults I will have to endure. I have decided to be nice, no matter what.'

'Good. I'm sure that will work best. Are you ready to go welcome Dan and Oz to the grid?'

'Yes!'

They walked out towards the Toro Rosso garage. Sebastian and Sunshine approached his year mates, Sunny giving them a little wave. 'I'm so glad they're here. And now Oz, too. Everyone is doing so well.'

The young Redbull stallions saw him and their body language turned hostile.

[Here he comes,] Victor gestured.

[Can you believe him?] Boomer responded.

Sebastian felt Sunshine's steps slow. His face had turned from a big, happy grin to a concerned expression.

[What do we do?] The new one, Oz, asked Jaime Alguarsuari’s Racing Driver.

[Don't worry about him,] Boomer answered.

[Hello, I'm glad you're here.] Sunshine started with less confidence than Sebastian had ever seen from him.

[I have a better idea,] Victor told them. He turned and faced Sunshine, locking eyes with him. He gave a quick growl. [You wouldn't think you were so great if you didn't keep getting the chances stolen from the rest of us.]

He got up chest to chest with Sunshine.

Sebastian had seen Rabbit do this, but never any of the young stallions. Never any of the other Racing Drivers at all, in fact, except he'd seen Alondra do it, once. He glared around, but none of their men was there. Why was this being ALLOWED?

Sunshine looked shocked, and then angry. [You want to challenge me? Why? How? I'm a Champion.]

Then Boomer turned, stood chest to shoulder with Sunshine. [Rabbit would be Champion if your team was playing fair.]

[I am winning because I am winning, because I am driving better,] Sunshine threw his gestures sharply.

[You're not so much better than we are, the team just wants you to win, so they make it happen,] Victor sneered.

[I can't fix the team, I have tried.] Sunshine locked eyes with Victor.

[Who can believe you, you would do anything to win,] Boomer gestured. When Sunny didn't look away from Victor, Boomer pushed on his shoulder, [Look at my gestures when I speak to you, Colt.]

[I am a Champion, not a colt.] Sunshine growled, turning his eyes to Boomer. [I am a lead stallion.]

When he looked away, Victor got a surge of confidence and stepped forward, pushing on Sunshine's chest with his own. [Rabbit is our lead stallion.]

Sunshine looked at Victor. [I lead Redbull.]

[You can't even get the mares to follow your orders, why should we?] Boomer pushed Sunshine back another step.

[Stop it.]

[Your Rabbit follows my orders.]

[Rabbit agrees until you're not looking and does what is right, you mean,] Oz jumped in, coming around the side of Victor and pushing his chest against Sunshine’s other shoulder.

[You're the same age as the rest of us, why should the lead stallion listen to YOU?] Boomer growled again, pushed Sunshine again.

[I said STOP IT!] Sebastian gestured at him.

Boomer and Victor looked up at the young man and growled.

Sebastian felt afraid, suddenly. This situation was totally against normal precedent, and he really didn't know what these Racing Drivers were looking to DO, other than intimidate someone who should, under normal circumstances, be immune to such aggression. He knew, with a certainty that came from outside himself, that they were bigger and stronger, if he and Sunshine didn't work as a team, they'd never stand a chance. He pulled on Sunshine's arm, and in the face of three of his yearmates, unwilling to back down, Sunshine wasn't inclined to argue. The two backed up several paces and walked quickly away.

Sunshine responded poorly to attempts to soothe him in their motorhome. He told Sebastian he just needed to focus on his race. He reminded Sebastian of his intent to be nice to Rabbit, and went down to the garage to face THAT ongoing battle, while Sebastian changed for his work on the pit crew.

When that days' events were finally clear to all participants, Sebastian felt terrible. It was collateral damage.

He still should have seen something, anything, coming and acted.

He didn't. He didn't know.

 

Convergence of Circumstances; What Sebastian Didn’t Know  
British GP 2011

 

Convergence of circumstances. Sunshine was pacing. Rabbit walked into the garage, he noticed the champion stallion's agitation immediately. He turned and waved at Oz. When he turned around, Sunshine was there. Rabbit looked at him. His hair was mussed. He'd been running his hands through it. He was using his thumb to pop the knuckles of each of his fingers in succession. 

Mark had scrounged some good paperwork that morning, Oz was on the grid for the first time, and Rabbit had gotten pole. It had been a good morning. It was physically painful knowing what was coming. If he could just drag his eyes off Sunshine's and lock them on the floor, this would end. All he had to do was admit that Sunshine was stronger than he was. Part of him craved the end of the tension that submission would provide. Not like this. Never like this. So he stared brazenly at Sunshine.

The weariness must have been clear to Sunshine, because a flash of rage crossed his face. [Congratulations.] He gestured.

Rabbit was floored.

The effort it took to drag this out of himself was visible. It was the first time the younger stallion had ever acknowledged Rabbit's hard work.

Rabbit couldn't help but be suspicious. This was going to come with some sort of follow up insult, wasn't it? [Thank you.] Should he congratulate Sunshine? He surely thought he himself deserved pole position, would he be annoyed if he was congratulated on a lower position? [You drove well. I'm sure you will do well in the race.]

Sunshine smiled and nodded. [Thank you, I'm sure you will as well.] Obligatory acknowledgement completed with minimum hostilities, he turned and walked away. 

Rabbit released his breath. These little perfunctory chats could go so wrong sometimes. He turned and set his hands on the edge of a toolbox. He watched them shake. He comforted himself with the knowledge that here, Sunshine wasn't his lead stallion, he was just his teammate. He didn't have a right to Rabbit's obedience, here. Shouldn't have had a right to Rabbit's obedience anywhere. When he got his championship, this would end. Sunshine didn't have a lead stallion disposition, he didn't really want leadership, he wanted the wins. He wanted his man to be proud of him. Once Rabbit had his championship, Sunshine could leave the lead stallion things to him and go back to focusing on racing. It was what they both wanted. Surely?

Rabbit's start in the race was ruined by the wet track. Pole was gone.

'Come on, catch up.' He caught Sunshine's smug triumph as he went past. 

Rabbit snarled inside his helmet. They had been so good all morning, why did Sunshine and his constant, picking superiority have to ruin it?

When Sunshine's pit stop went on WAY too long. He couldn't help but return the slight. 'Come on, catch up.' He knew he'd gone too far the instant he thought it. Sunshine reached out and grabbed him.

'Hey, Rabbit. SHUT. UP.' A glass wall slid down around him. The grid disappeared. Mark disappeared.

The terror nearly made Rabbit's vision go black. Price never blocked out Rabbit's connection with Mark. Mark was never within range when Price put Rabbit in the bubble, but if he'd had been, he could have talked to Mark. Sunshine's bubble was a perfect, impenetrable sphere. Rabbit mewled and pawed at it. 'Mark. Mark, please hear me?' Silence, he was alone. His body was driving on instinct and he turned his attention back to it. He had to get through this race. Had to.

He focused on his driving. Gave Sunshine and Alondra the best fight he could. He was used to the bubble, by now, after the years of stud trips. He'd never expected to have to drive through it, though. He couldn't feel where anyone was. He couldn't hear Mark's instructions. He had to drive completely without assistance. He had to drive like a human. And it was HARD.

He was shaking when he finished the race. He wanted to stay in the car and rest for a moment, but he was completely unable to communicate. He had no defense against humans trying to interview him, without Mark to translate, he couldn't comprehend what body language to make or what noises to make, he had to get back to the garage.

In the back room off the garage he dropped to his knees. He covered his visor with shaking hands and let himself rock. He didn't know Sunshine was there, couldn't feel his approach, until he physically touched him on the back. Rabbit flinched.

He drew Rabbit's helmet up so Rabbit was looking at him. He waved his hands. What did that mean?

Rabbit gestured that he didn't understand. 

Sunshine made a face. He unstrapped Rabbit's helmet. Rabbit tried to turn away. Sunshine didn't let him.

Rabbit was so scared.

His lead stallion stroked his face.

He looked away from the burning blue eyes.

The glass wall dropped, but only for Sunshine. Sunshine's love flooded Rabbit.

He hid his face against Sunshine's chest, clinging to him. This race had been the hardest thing he'd ever experienced. He was shaking. He just wanted to be taken care of. It felt so good to have someone who was stronger than him, to take care of things. He huddled in Sunshine's embrace.

Sunshine petted his back, 'Hush, hush, it's alright, you're safe.' He sent him care and approval, proud that Rabbit had worked so hard. 

As he came up from the depths of the horror, he became aware that Sunshine was praising him for enduring the torment Sunshine had put him through. The disparity rang sourly in his mind. He sat up and looked at Sunshine.

The champion looked back at him, confused. [Rabbit, look down.] His gestured were hesitant.

Rabbit shook his head. He shuffled back and stood. He backed against the wall.

Sunshine knelt there where they'd sat. He was so soft and young. His disappointment and confusion was plain to be seen. [Rabbit, don't defy me.]

Not again. He shook his head.

[You're upset. It's alright. Come back here. I will take care of you.] Sunshine held his arms out, completely honest and open.

Never again. He pressed himself back against the wall.

Sunshine watched him for a long time, face hopeful, appealing, practically pleading.

Rabbit kept his eyes locked on him.

Sunshine resigned himself to Rabbit continued defiance. He pushed himself to his feet. [I thought we were making progress.] He shook his head. He walked out of the room, Rabbit's eyes locked on him until the door closed.

Then the rest of the wall dropped.

'Hey! What's wrong with you. Why did you shut me out? You weren't supposed to fight him for second.' Mark was there immediately. It was too much, though, and Rabbit was too shaken.

'I'm sorry. I will do better next time,' he sent. He couldn't deal with being true with Mark, right now. Couldn't share this with Mark, yet. He sat down against the wall and reached out to the strongest stallion on the grid, for real comfort.

Alondra welcomed his contact, mentally returning the hug. He turned his attention away from Fernando on the platform. 'What is wrong, Rabbit?'

'Sunshine. He...' With a little thrill of horror, he realized he couldn't say it. The block Price had put in to stop him from telling about the bubble was stopping him from telling about what Sunshine had done, too. He tried various ways of getting around it, but couldn't find one. 'I don't like how he acts,' he finished, lamely.

Alondra sent him love and appreciation. 'Some teammates are hard. You are strong. You will make it through this.' His mental embrace intensified.

It might have been more comforting if he'd known what was going on. It was still nice to have someone to genuinely worry about him and want to help, though.


	15. Chapter 15

The Boy Kings  
Redbull Race Training Compound (Redbull/Toro Rosso Stable)- 2012

 

Pilot ran his hands over the bruises. He could feel every bar shaped strike. The handlers hadn't liked his asking if he could practice for a couple more laps, so he could keep up with his year mates' lap times. There had been two of them while the other herded the rest of the colts away. None of the colts had looked back. He was only racing with them because the other matched stallions raced on the bigger track.

 

He'd tried to explain what he wanted and why, but they refused to listen and every time he tried to explain that they weren't understanding him, they got angrier. He should have stopped, but he was sure if he just found a better way to express it, they would understand.

At least he hadn't ended up in the medical wing this time. He'd stopped fighting, stopped trying to dodge or block and went limp. They'd stopped soon after and hoisted him between them and dumped him in his stall.

He wiped off the dried blood from his nose. He looked at the Crimson flakes stuck to his glove. Darker than the red of the material.

 

'You got in trouble again?' Sunshine's voice climbed into his head.

Pilot cringed. The LAST thing he wanted was to draw the lead stallion's anger. How disappointed must he be? In trouble AGAIN. This was the second time since the matched stallions had been back for winter break that Pilot had gotten punished by the handlers. The old bruises hadn't even had time to fade.

 

Before Pilot could work up a suitable apologetic answer, Sunshine spoke again. 'They hurt you?'

'No, stallion, I am alright.'

There was silence for a moment. Then the door made an unusual noise. It opened and a tall, dark haired Driver looked in. He nodded and then backed out of sight. 

Sunshine stepped into the open doorway. [Thank you, Xerxes.]

Xerxes gave a little "no problem" noise. There was the sound of another door down the hallway closing.

Sunshine closed Pilot's door behind him.

Pilot stared. The lead stallion had just escaped his stall and snuck in here to see a barely matched colt with no races.

He started to get up.

[Don't get up.]

Sunshine sat down next to him.

His hands were muscular, with long fingers, Pilot saw. It was all he dared look at. He leaned into Sunshine's shoulder where he was leaning against him, though. They sat side by side for awhile.

[Do you want me to check out your bruises?]

[I'm alright, stallion.]

[Please don't call me that.] Sunny cracked his knuckles with his thumbs. [Not when no one's looking.]

[Do you want me to call you Sunshine?] Pilot looked at his face, but not making direct eye contact.

His eyes went back and forth while he thought about whether he wanted the colt to call him by his name. He smiled. [Yes, I would like that.] He thought for another moment. [Do you want me to call you Pilot?]

Normally Sunshine didn't refer to him as anything. Rabbit called him by his name, but almost never, because stallions who were matched but never raced were in an odd sort of in between state. The other stallions Sunshine's age called him colt, because they were just old enough to feel like they had an idea of what being a stallion meant, and it meant knowing more than the younger stallions and colts. Boomer and Oz, and somewhat Jev, Victor and Xerxes, all lectured the newly matched stallions on how racing stallions behaved.

It wasn't as bad for Pilot's year mates. Because they'd been matched for longer, in 93 and 73's cases, far longer, and of course, because of Max. Pilot's year mates might have had to live in the in between stage for the months between their matching and their racing, but Pilot had lived in it for two years, with no prospect of it ending. He would always be in the inbetween stage, with a match who didn't match and a career that would contain no races, and no wins.

Despite his being the fastest colt, and faster than every Driver in the stable.

Except one.

[I would like it if you call me Pilot.]

[Sebastian is coming for winter testing, soon.]

Pilot nodded, smiling. It would be so exciting to go test a newborn car, and learn what you could hope to expect for the next season. It must be one of the best parts, being away from the stable during what would otherwise be the most boring part of the year, with no match and all indoor karting, and instead going to one of the Grand Prix tracks and driving and learning a new car. [What's it like?]

Sunshine had been about to say something else, and stopped, surprised. [Testing?]

[Yeah, what's it like talking to her for the first time? Can you tell how the two of you will be together? Can you learn who she is? Is it love at first sight?]

He looked at his face, searching for something, smiling. [It is like a little matching. Sometimes she is sweet, sometimes she is brazen, sometimes she is nasty and rude.] He smirked. [Always you learn what she likes. What makes her happy, what makes her want to give you what you want. The rude one, she liked to be bossed. She wanted every bit of my attention, and wanted to be told what to do every meter of every lap, and if I told her what to do, she would listen. She would do anything, as long as I told her what she should do.]

Pilot nodded, he'd noticed something of the kind with some of the karts.

[The sweet ones, they know what you want before you tell them. They do the work for you, bring you the corners, leap when you're ready to overtake. They do too much sometimes. Things you haven't asked for. It can be hard when they want to corner you just right, when there is another car on the line. They are good to drive, though.]

[What does brazen mean?] Pilot gestured.

Sunshine blinked. He tapped his fingertips together. [You stud?]

Pilot blushed. [Yes.]

Then there was an image in his head of a mare pulling his mouth to hers, her hands on his body, experiencing his skin.

[Oh! Not like that. How can cars be like THAT?]

The picture this time was a long, low car, with a beautifully curved nose and a rear wing that was pure obscenity. The noise he could feel her engine making, as felt through the air while standing beside her, sent shivers through his body. [She doesn't wait. She draws you. She makes you love her. When the two of you are on the track, she tells you what she feels and makes you decide what to do about it. She leaves the decisions up to you, but when you decide, she already knows, and she does as you ask instantly.]

He was impressed. [So you do love them at first sight.]

Sunshine nodded. [Sometimes. Testing is like the first months of matching, you have met your man and you know who he is, but then you must learn what he will do.]

He waited for Sunshine to tell him everything changed when you got onto a real track, in a real race. Because racing wasn't real until you were racing a car, with a match.

He didn't. [You can learn a car very, very well during testing. There are other things, though. Tires change, parts change. Jaamies says nothing you learn in testing counts, because in the first race of the season, things are different. I don't agree. All through the season things are changing. Every part of the season is different than every other part. Every track is different. Every tire is different. Everything always changes. If you must have everything the same to learn your car...but Jaamies is...] He tapped his fingertips together again. [...He doesn't...] He stopped and smiled, then started again. [We don't always agree.]

[Some of the karts are like you say,] Pilot changed the subject back to before Sunshine got awkward about his friend.

[Yeah.] Sunshine smiled, almost shyly. [Maybe we could race together sometime. You are fast. I would like to race with you.]

Why would the lead stallion want to race with him? Pilot decided it wouldn't get him in trouble to accept Sunshine's invitation, and it would be extra practice. It was nice of Sunshine to intervene so Pilot could get more kart time. Maybe that was why he was doing it. It wasn't good for anyone when the Drivers were getting punished. Maybe he was arranging for Pilot to stay out of trouble. It was nice of him. He had the right to race with Rabbit. His friend sometimes visited the stable as a Trainer, and they could race together. Sunshine was the lead stallion, he didn't even have to race with his year mates, let alone a Driver like Pilot.

[Yeah! I'll race with you.]

[Good. You don't have to call me stallion when we race, either, alright?]

[Alright. I will call you Sunshine, unless there is someone to hear, then I will call you stallion, again.]

[Thank you. That will be good.] He nodded.

Why was he thanking Pilot? It was Sunshine who was treating Pilot like he was just another Driver, when he could have spent time with anyone. It wasn't like anyone would say no to the lead stallion.


	16. Chapter 16

Fight in the Garage- Rabbit  
Malaysian GP- 2012

 

Rabbit gritted his teeth. He could feel Sunshine’s frustration growing. He pushed himself down. They couldn’t have another fight. The team was getting upset by their challenges. A team wanted cohesive drivers. They wanted wins, and teammates in contention, not healthy competition, but angry contention, tended to be each other’s worst enemies, and they took the cars with them.

Something shifted. Sunshine’s mind opened, expanded, like he was welcoming, even seeking Rabbit’s companionship.

Rabbit’s head snapped up. This was a trick. It had been since the first time they’d been on a team together. He locked eyes with the champion stallion. What had he done wrong?

He could feel Sunshine’s anger rise. Rabbit couldn’t take his eyes off him. Couldn’t look down. He should just give in.

No.

Not when Sunshine went about it like this. Rabbit’s hand tightened on the frame of the car. Why didn’t Sebastian ever drain the energy off Sunshine when he got like this? Didn’t he know that was a match’s job, to keep his Racing Driver from burning too hot?

All the other matches knew to keep their Racing Drivers from getting too emotional, they didn’t let their Racing Drivers get away with EVERYTHING.

‘Just leave me alone!’

Sunshine’s anger flared hotter. He was staring at Rabbit across the open garage now, making a hot noise, like a sizzling radiator.

He was scrambling in his own mind, to get the rage under control, but it wasn’t working without his man’s help. Sebastian was just sitting there. In a moment, Sunshine was going to lose the fight, and come across the garage at Rabbit, either physically, or striking at him mentally.

‘Please? Just stop? This is hurting both of us,’ Rabbit whispered. He couldn’t summon submission, but he could summon an appeal for reason. He didn’t want to see Sunshine lose control. Could he try harder?

He reached into the open, welcoming connection in Sunshine’s mind, ‘If you just tried a little harder,’ He sent, ‘You don't have to let this beat you. Please? Please try?’

For a moment, comprehension and agreement answered him.

Sunshine shoved him back, screaming rage, fueled by fear. He was roaring. He started across the garage, hands up, ready to beat Rabbit physically into submission if he had to.

Rabbit roared back, revving his voice into his highest gear, just before the redline. He shoved past a toolbox, headed to meet the champion head on.

A mechanic, acting on instinct, put his hand out to catch Sunshine’s arm.

Rabbit’s rage turned to alarm.

The human touched the stallion and Sunshine moved faster than any human could have countered, grabbing the hand and twisting. The man tried to spin with it, but he was far too slow. There was a cracking sound, like nothing Rabbit had ever heard, and Sunshine dropped the man’s hand. The arm hung loosely from his shoulder and he’d cried out.

A moment of fear at what he’d done flickered across Sunshine’s face and he walked, now exercising tight self control, for the back room, trying to remove himself from the situation before anything escalated.

A hand touched Rabbit’s arm, and the sensation was like being seared with red hot metal. Rabbit’s knees wobbled and he turned, bringing his hand up, just trying to push his engineer away, but catching the man a smart blow on the nose, which crunched and spurted blood.

Another hand grabbed Rabbit’s other arm, hard, but not unbearable to touch. Mark was angry. He wrenched Rabbit away and pulled him out of the garage, dragging him down the pitlane, not bothering with the fact that anyone seeing them would see Mark Webber being dragged along by his physio.

He pushed them into a garage a few garages away, and there were noises of protest from the men within, but neither of them were interested in seeing another team’s secrets.

Fernando jumped out of the car and waved his mechanics away. He dragged them into the back room of his own garage.

‘Rabbit?!’ Alondra demanded, pressing his hands to Rabbit’s cheeks. ‘What happened?’

Rabbit fell into the comfort. [Sunshine came after me. The crew got in the way. I hit my engineer.] He made a high, hollow rev, a wail of regret. [Oh Sunshine. He really hurt the man who touched him. Twisted his arm until the bolt popped.] He covered his face. [They’re going to kill him. He’s hurt a human. They’re not going to let him live.]

He fell to his knees.

Sunshine. This is why I wanted you to control yourself.

I did not want this to happen.

I do not want you to die.

 

Fight in the Garage- Sebastian  
Malaysian GP 2012

 

He was sore. He felt like his joints were full of sandpaper. Not physically, just metaphorically. Sebastian sighed and tried to concentrate on checking the tires. The air was heavy and hot, like there was a thunderstorm coming. He looked over at Sunny. The weather wasn't actually that hot. The weird oppressive feeling was coming from somewhere inside him. Sunny was leaned over the car. Where was the feeling coming from? From Sunny? What was making him feel that way?

Sebastian felt like his senses were extremely sharp. He could smell the rubber from the tires he was touching. He saw the hairs rise on the back of Sunshine's neck and hands. At a leisurely pace, Sunshine straightened up, and stared into the other garage. He watched the way his shoulders rolled back.

His eyes flicked to Rabbit, who was suddenly staring up at Sunshine. He could see the twitches of Rabbit's muscles as his face went to alarmed, then resigned, and then angry. He could see Rabbit's nose twitch. He felt his own skin heat read hot with anger. ‘Why was he looking at him like that? What did HE have to be angry about?’

Where was Mark?

‘Why wasn't he keeping his Racing Driver under control?’

‘No one else would be allowed to cause such problems like that.’

‘Why couldn't he just back off?!’

‘NO!’

Sebastian covered his eyes. His head was hurting. The waves of emotion were too much for him. ‘He just wanted it to stop. Just make it stop!’

‘Please? Please just stop? It hurts.’

The pain made him angry, but it mostly made him so sad. So disappointed.

‘If you just tried a little harder, he thought, you don't have to let this beat you. Please? Please try?’

A flash of pain, and terror that made his head spin and he actually lost his balance.

When he looked up, there was a mechanic on the ground, grabbing his arm and swearing, and Sunshine was stalking towards the back room. Sebastian looked up dizzily at the man leaning over him. His attention was drawn back to Mark's side of the garage. One of the other crewmembers was holding his nose, with blood dripping between his fingers. Mark, still in his disguise, was dragging Rabbit away down the pit lane. His eyes were on Sebastian, throwing daggers of hate.

Sebastian looked up at the man above him. Christian. He was angry faced. Where had Sebastian's sharp vision gone? No, he was glad it had vanished. He couldn't bear to look at Christian's rage with that level of intensity. "Get him under CONTROL. Any more incidents like that and we're going to have a HARD time keeping him from being labled a dangerous animal. You don't want him being put down, and that's exactly what you're looking at here, Vettel. Get him under your fucking control." He pushed at Sebastian's shoulder where he still sat on the floor. Christian stood up and walked away, yelling at the mechanics.

Confused, so confused, Sebastian reached out to Sunshine.

He had to close his eyes again against the waterfall of pain that beat down on him.

'I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM!' Sunshine shrieked.

And underneath, Sebastian heard, quite clearly, 'Please don't hate me? Why don’t you love me?'

He gasped. He fell back onto the floor.

'Sunny?' He sent quietly. 'I love you.'

Sunshine clung to him. Sorrow and anger in equal parts. Fear. Loneliness. 'No one loves me, Sebastian. I'm so alone.'

'I love you,' Sebastian re-affirmed. You don't know what alone is. He thought. You have all the others of your kind. You're not alone.

 

\--

 

"You have to back OFF, Sebastian." He could see the words forming on Kimi's lips.

Sebastian hung his head.

Always unpredictable, Kimi didn't say this.

What he did say was so much worse.

"I thought you should know I'm going to start stabling Rabbit." Kimi said, adjusting his hat.

Sebastian reared back in indignation.

Rabbit at Kimi's. With Sunshine again, all the time.

They had JUST gotten him away. How dare Kimi? How DARE he?

"You are WHAT?!" Sebastian slammed the palm of his hand on the railing. "NO!" He didn't have to put up with this. He could take Sunshine back to Redbull. The stable was his, anyway. Rabbit SHOULD leave.

The idea of Sunshine going back to Redbull made him sick, though. Rabbit should leave, but not to the place Sunny was safe. Not to take Sunny's refuge while Sunny went back to that meat grinder.

Then Kimi put his hand on Sebastian's arm. Immediately, he felt more solidly grounded. "Don't worry. I have a plan,” Kimi said. It was exactly what Sebastian needed to hear. Of course he had a plan, he was Kimi. He could be trusted to know what to do. When had Kimi ever steered him wrong? Kimi had his best interests at heart. He took a deep breath. Kimi was the one with the plan. He had a broader view and Sebastian just needed to calm down and listen to him.


	17. Chapter 17

Clover  
Kimi’s House, Finland- 2013

 

“For fucks sake. He’s out there again. This time he’s got the...other one at it with him.” Mark put his coffee cup down and craned his neck towards the window.

There were two Racing Drivers kneeling on the lawn. One with his silky brown hair tied up in a high ponytail, and a bright blue pair of loose workout pants. His bare chest was sweaty in the sun. The other was skinnier and blonde, wearing jeans and a red tank top. They were diligently plucking something out of the yard and putting it in their mouths.

Kimi cupped his hands around his mug and his eyes unfocused. In the yard, Sunshine twitched his hand in half a gesture. Kimi’s eyes refocused. “He says it’s clover.”

It hit Mark that what he’d just seen was Kimi, as easily and naturally as breathing, speaking telepathically with one of the Racing Drivers in the yard. Another man’s partner.

He was still for a moment, taking that in.

“How can he be sure?” Mark stood up from the table and waved through the window at them. They didn’t see him. He went back into the hallway to the back door, opened it and waved at them.

They looked up.

[Don’t do that. What if it’s not safe?] He walked out across the lawn. [Do you know what you’re eating?]

Alondra rested his hand, with a fist full of plants, on his thigh and fixed Mark with a quizzical expression.

[Maybe.] Sunshine raised his eyebrows and popped another green stem into his mouth, chewing slowly with his eyes on Mark’s.

[What do you mean maybe? It is a yes or no question.] He frowned at the Racing Driver sassing him.

Alondra nodded slowly. [It is safe. It is food. It is for us.]

Sunshine’s mouth stretched to a frog mouth shape and he went back to examining the ground.

Alondra barked a rev at him.

[I do not have to do what he says,] Sunshine gestured, without looking up again.

[It is bad to ignore a match when he tells you something.] Alondra’s thick eyebrows furrowed.

[Not him.] Sunshine set the little bundle of clover on his leg and sighed, flapping his arms in exasperation. [He always treats me like he is smarter than I am, or better than I am.]

Mark frowned. He was standing RIGHT there, able to see what Sunshine was saying. The Racing Driver ignoring him.

[I am stronger, faster, and he clearly doesn’t believe this about ANYONE, but I am smarter than he is as well. He thinks he can teach me, but he has nothing to say that can teach me anything.] He wasn’t even acknowledging that he was saying this where Mark could see.

[He knows things we can’t know.] Alondra’s hands were tight.

Sunshine picked up a single clover in his hand and twirled it. [I know things he can’t know, as well.] He popped the clover into his mouth. He held the rest of his bouquet up. [A podium of leaves, green with a white moon on each. Stems that sneak along the ground, flowers that look like a ball made of paper horns. White Clover.] He pushed the clover into Alondra’s hands and stood up. [I am not hungry anymore.]

He walked past Mark. Shoulders hunched. Still not looking at him.

[It is good,] Alondra said, looking up from where he still knelt. [It is safe.] He held out the bunch of clover he’d picked, leaving Sunshine’s clutched in his other hand. [Try some.]

Mark settled to his knees and opened his hand without touching Alondra. The Racing Driver put the clover into his hand. It was clover. Mark picked up a piece. He put it in his mouth and chewed. It was the consistency of a piece of parsley, but with a milder flavor a bit like celery.

Alondra looked towards the house. His eyes didn’t go unfocused like Kimi’s had, but he looked thoughtful, and he was still. Then he looked back at Mark. [It is wrong to interfere in a bond between a Racing Driver and a match,] He said sedately, [From one adult to another, since he is not bonded to you, I am going to say, your treatment of him is unwarranted.]

[He was talking about me like I wasn’t even here.] Mark ate another clover without thinking about it.

[A rookie who challenged his lead stallion directly would lose.] Alondra searched through the groundcover for more clover.

[Of course, so what?]

Alondra picked several more clovers without saying anything, and then gestured, [A lead stallion who corrects a rookie’s driving in front of the other stallions is shaming him. They can all see if the rookie is wrong, and if he is right and the lead stallion tells him he is wrong, it is an unfair punishment for him.]

[What does that have to do with Sunshine? He IS the lead stallion here. He said all those rude things.]

Alondra pointed at the ground near Mark and Mark picked the clover he had indicated. The stem lead directly to another clover and he picked that as well, following the stem’s snaking path across the ground and picking the clovers as he came across them.

[If a lead stallion were to correct a rookie when he wasn’t wrong, the best thing the rookie could do would be to explain why he had made the decision he made, and remember to try harder the next time.] They picked clover for a long time, moving back and forth across the yard, making small conversation.

They were picking more clover than they could eat and Alondra had started putting it on a piece of newspaper he moved along with them as they went. After awhile he sat up and looked towards the house and asked, [How do men know, without being able to feel it, when others are sad and need help?]

[They ask for help.]

Alondra nodded. [That explains why men are so often without the help they need.] His eyes lingered on the house. [Rabbit helped him stop crying.]

Mark spun towards the house. He was only feeling a gentle love feeling from Rabbit. It was how Rabbit always felt, when he wasn’t anxious or keyed up for a race. How could Rabbit be comforting him.

[Why was he crying?]

Alondra looked at Mark with pity. He raised his hands and lowered them again. He looked down at the pile of clover they’d gathered. [We will take this in. It will make a good dish with dinner. You will have room for more of it?]

[But why was he crying?]

With an exasperated sigh, Alondra settled back down. [You came out and told him he was wrong for eating the clover, that you didn’t believe it was food. You told him not to. He felt humiliated, and he is a polite young stallion, so he would not tell you to your face that you are wrong for chastising him. He feels helpless, so respectfully he explains himself, and then he leaves, because you shamed him and punished him, in front of another stallion, when he had done nothing wrong. You don’t ask for help. You struggle with Sunshine and Rabbit, but you don’t ask for help. Kimi forces you to accept help. I shouldn’t say anything, it is rude, but I say it, because you will not ask for help.] He pointed at the house. [Sunshine knows to ask for help. Rabbit knows he needs help and offers it.]

[No. That’s not what Sunshine is doing.] Mark shook his head. [He doesn’t care what I think. He is just angry that he didn’t get his way. He thinks I should let him get on with being lead stallion. Well, he can have it.] He snorted.

Alondra’s eyebrows drew in. [I can feel what he feels. You don’t treat him like a lead stallion, Mark. You don’t even treat him like a rookie. If you did, you would listen to what he knows. You wouldn’t…] He seemed to search for words, [Refuse him the right to answer. I shouldn’t have corrected him for ignoring you. I see he was just trying to hold back saying something with disrespect.] He stood. As he bent to gather the edges of the newspaper full of clover, he said with his face close to Mark’s, [Maybe you should try to do the same. You are eating the clover he planted.]


	18. Chapter 18

Oh. The Bubble.  
Kimi’s House, Finland- 2013

Sunshine sat in the chair in his stall. He looked out the window. There was wind moving the grass around, the window was warm from the sun. He could feel Rabbit moving around downstairs.

The mechanical computer Sebastian had brought for him had a red circle on it, today. That meant it was a Sebastian day. Smaller, in the corner there was a dark blue triangle, but the bright blue triangle was not there. Fernando usually came to get Alondra early in the morning. They had already gone for the day to the practice facility.

He was tired. His stomach cramped when he thought of spending the day pouring his energy into keeping Sebastian and Rabbit apart. It was too much. Too much. He was so tired.

Maybe there was a way around it.

If Rabbit was sleeping, maybe?

He popped the knuckle of his first finger with his thumb. He touched Rabbit's mind. Subtly enough the older Racing Driver never noticed. He whispered a belief that he felt tired into Rabbit's mind.

Downstairs, Rabbit's movements slowed. He seemed to be getting sleepy.

Then, as Sunshine continued to carefully push tiredness on him, a sense of invigoration suffused Rabbit.

Sunshine's eyes came open.

Coffee.

Rabbit's nasty habit of drinking coffee. He wasn't supposed to DO that, Sunshine thought angrily. In order to push Rabbit into sleep when he had coffee in his system, Sunshine would have to push so hard Rabbit would feel it. Well better to sleep than interfere with Sebastian.

Sunshine closed his eyes again and started slowly. He popped another knuckle. He pushed Rabbit to feel tired, again. He made Rabbit not want to drink more coffee.

It was too much, Rabbit noticed him. 'Sunshine?' He asked, softly.

'Go upstairs to your stall and take a nap, Rabbit,' Sunshine told him.

Rabbit just sent confusion.

Sunshine pushed him with his championships. 'Go to your stall, Rabbit.'

He was standing in the hallway when Rabbit came up the stairs. Rabbit was not fighting Sunshine's control of his body, but he was alarmed, now. Sunny followed Rabbit into the stall. It had a big, comfy couch, and some photographs of men and Racing Drivers from Redbull on a little table beside the couch. Sunshine had never been in here. It was tasteful.

[You need to take a nap,] He told him, straightening Rabbit's shirt.

He couldn't get through today with Rabbit up and wandering around, aggravating his tenuous protection of Sebastian.

Rabbit wasn't fighting him, but he shook his head. [I'm not tired. I just had coffee.] He pointed towards the kitchen.

[I'll help you.] Sunshine reached for him.

[No! I don't want you to do that!] Rabbit grabbed his forearms.

Sunshine tried to push forward into his space, but he backed up until he reached the wall. His eyes went wide. Sunshine pushed him to feel tired, but he couldn't override the coffee's influence.

That wasn't going to work. He couldn't put Rabbit to sleep with that much coffee in him. There was only one other way to keep Rabbit quiet.

He would just have to keep Jaamies from noticing Rabbit had disappeared.

If he thought Rabbit had gone to sleep, he wouldn't know.

Rabbit saw Sunshine's intention and ground out a high pitched noise. He tried to push Sunshine's hands away from his face. 'Mark! Please don't cut me away from Mark?'

'I won't block your connection to Mark. You've got to be quiet, though.' Sunshine soothed Rabbit with soft touches on his face until his pulse slowed and he relaxed against the wall. 

He clung to Sunshine's arms to hold himself up. His eyes drifted close as he began to accept Sunshine's choice. He gulped and made one last quiet request. 'Please, I don't want to. Please don't put me in the bubble. Please?' 

'I need you to stop.' He put his hand over Rabbit's eyes, something he had learned would help ease Rabbit's fear. 'Not for long, you'll be out before Kimi gets back,' He encouraged. He knew Rabbit would be brave for him. The bubble was easy for Rabbit, now, he had become accustomed to it, and it was an extreme method, but it had offered them both reprieve so many times in the last seasons.

He gently painted glass over the place in Rabbit's mind where his ability to communicate lay. He helped Rabbit get safely to a seated position and, since Rabbit couldn't understand gestures, he patted his head to show him how proud he was that Rabbit was strong enough to do this, again, to protect Sebastian. He gave him a warm smile. He went out into the hallway and closed the door quietly behind him.

He had been too focused on Rabbit. He'd forgotten.

Jaamies was running up the stairs three at a time. His face was wide with surprise and confusion. He saw Sunshine by Rabbit's door. He didn't slow, just tore past, throwing Rabbit's door open.

[Rabbit!] He called.

He threw a look at Sunshine where he stood in the hallway. [What happened!?]

No.

Jaamies would NOT approve of the bubble. He wouldn't understand.

Sunshine couldn't go through another day like this. He cradled his head in his hands.

Fire rolled off Jaamies' mind. Sunshine had never seen him angry. He cringed away. [Get that block off him. Now. Then you get out of here, before I do something I will regret.]

He turned away from Sunshine and knelt beside where Rabbit was resting on the floor. He reached out gently.

[He's fine, he will be quiet, when Sebastian is here,] Sunshine said. His head hurt so much.

Jaamies turned and snarled at him. [I said get him out NOW!]

Sunshine pushed the bubble off.

Rabbit popped back into the mental space.

He grabbed at Jaamies like he'd been hurt. He wasn't hurt...Sunshine was always very careful. It wasn't like he was Price. He would never block Rabbit from his family just so he wouldn't have to share the pleasure of Rabbit's screams. He didn't want Rabbit to scream. He just wanted to keep him away from Sebastian. He wanted to protect Rabbit! So Rabbit didn't get hurt.

Jaamies turned to Sunshine again, patiently, like he always was when Sunshine had made a mistake. [I said get out,] He said, firmly.

He HAD made a mistake after all. He stamped angrily. He had been doing so well.

He couldn't see through his tears. He made it into his room before the sobs started. Why did everything always fall apart? He was doing his best!

He threw himself onto the chair.

Rabbit KNEW the bubble was for his own protection. He never struggled. He barely objected, anymore. Sunshine didn't HURT him with it. He didn't hide the hurts the handlers did with it.

Sunshine put his face in his hands. His face was wet already.

This wasn't the way it should be.

Maybe he'd been making the bubble wrong.

He knew better than that.

There couldn't be another Racing Driver in the world who knew more ways to block out another Racing Drivers' connections than Sunshine. Even Price's bubble was an amateur, shoddy thing.

No. There was no flaw in the block.

So what HAD gone wrong?

He stood up and opened the cupboard. His comfort object was hanging on it's string from the door. He pulled it off and clutched the laminated paddock pass to his chest. He started back to his chair, but bumped against the corner of the end table, knocking everything to the floor.

His lips quivered and he dropped to his knees, clutching the paddock pass, Sebastian's most prized possession. Sunshine's proof that Sebastian loved him. Wanted him to succeed.

Like Michael, who had given Sebastian the pass.

The day he was allowed to watch a race from the Ferrari garage, and meet Shoe, face to face.

And met Kimi.

Who Sunshine could feel, on his way home, now.

Once Jaamies had greeted him, with a quiet explanation of the situation, Sunshine touched into Kimi's mind. 'I'm so sorry, Kimi. I never meant to hurt him! I love him!'

Kimi sent a feeling of stilling Sunshine's rapidly signing hands. 'Jaamies will help you calm down, alright? I think I'm going to need your help, though. Just let me figure out what is going on.'

He waited, shaking back into quiet sobs, while Kimi helped Rabbit.

Then Kimi touched his mind, again. 'I want you to see something.' He passed him pain. Rabbit's pain. A Blue's incredible capacity for pain.

Sunshine felt it. Fear. Panic. Incredible pain. Like being flayed. Pain in his mind that left shreds of shame and humiliation, sharp and bright, like acid.

Oh Rabbit.

He could never see what it was Price DID to Rabbit while he held him in that bubble.

The hard wall Sunshine kept his feelings about Price behind trembled under the weight of this new information. He had suspected, but...

He took a deep breath and strengthened his resolve to keep what he thought out of any place anyone would ever be able to see it.

Then Jaamies came to him. His anger was gone, and the usual cool breeze of his mind was back. Sunshine started to tell him everything that had happened.

Jaamies stopped him after a few frantic moments. 'Sebastian should be here when you say this. Sunshine...' He clearly had more to say, but he stopped himself. 'Sebastian needs to be here when you say this,' He repeated.

Yes.

That was right. He needed his match.

He didn't want to tell this story twice.

Kimi came upstairs and stood with his arms crossed, leaning against Sunshine's doorframe. [Sebastian is on his way.]

Sunshine nodded. Now Sebastian would know.

About the bubble.

He didn't have to explain WHY.

He looked up with wetted eyes at Kimi. He shook his head helplessly.

[We're going to talk about what has been going on at Redbull that you haven't been telling me.]

Sunshine looked at the wall so many of his memories were hidden behind.

There was only one F1 Racing Driver alive who was stronger than Sunshine, and Professor was not the kind of Trainer that would be able to resolve this.

He missed Shoe, he missed his sire.

Kimi saw the old pain in Sunshine's eyes and came to him, putting his arms around him. He held his cheek against Sunshine's beautiful golden curls.

'Why doesn't Rabbit love me, Kimi?'

Kimi didn't answer.

'I'm a Champion. I took the responsibility of being lead stallion off him, even though...so he could focus on racing, and instead he just wasted all his time trying to take it back.' Sunshine flapped his hands. 'What am I supposed to DO? When will I be strong enough? When will I be good enough?'

Kimi's hold tightened.

He shook his head. 'I need to think.' He smiled weakly at Kimi and looked out the window as the man walked out and closed the door behind him.

By the time Sebastian had arrived, he'd arrived at a decision.

He stood straight up, as tall as he was.

Sebastian came into his room and sat next to him.

They sat quietly for awhile.

At least Sebastian was focused totally on him, which didn't leave him any room to pick at Rabbit or Kimi. Sunshine told him about the bubble. About what he had been doing to Rabbit. He didn’t tell Sebastian WHY he was doing it, except to say that he needed space from Rabbit.

When Sebastian had listened to him explain, he told the man the conclusion he’d reached.

[I can't do this anymore,] Sunshine told him.

Sebastian nodded, taking in and accepting this decision. [You have decided what you want to do?]

[I'm ready. I want you to tell Ferrari we are ready to go to them. I can't fight to hang onto Redbull anymore. I...] His hands stopped moving, dropped and he closed his eyes. [I can't change Redbull. I can't make it safe. No championships will make them respect me. It didn't matter that Rabbit wasn't a champion. If he had been a champion, they still would have done this.]

[You always said you wouldn't run,] Sebastian said.

[I am not running. I am refocusing. I have the championships. They haven't helped. Kimi and Jaamies are Trainers. It has trapped them, but it has also allowed them to move, and given them influence. Redbull will never allow me to become a Trainer. Ferrari will.]

Sebastian's eyes narrowed. He nodded. Sunshine felt the excitement, and sensed that Sebastian had been patiently waiting for him to arrive at this decision, without pushing him to it, and he was filled, again, with the love for Sebastian. The best part of his entire life.

Their hands twined.

They planned.

It was a long time later, when Rabbit burst into Sunshine's mind with a wave of alarm. 'Sunshine! Look out!'

They stood up as Mark burst into the room.

The man.

Part of the problem.

Sebastian took the frontrunner place, trying to push Sunshine back with an arm.

Mark.

If they were equals, he would show Mark what he thought, of his obsessive focus. His inability to protect Redbull's greatest asset. The selfishness that was willing to protect the rest of the Racing Drivers, but forgot to protect Rabbit.

Sebastian snarled his dominance at Mark, and Mark shoved him out of the way. Sebastian caught himself on the wall and turned, but stopped at a signal from Sunshine.

The frontrunner's job was to be the first to meet the enemy. Now Mark would have to face someone who was stronger, faster, smarter.

Let's see what you are worth, He thought. Will you abandon the respect you claim towards Racing Drivers and touch me? Cross the ultimate taboo?

Mark was coming at him.

If his filthy human skin touched Sunshine...

It would be intolerable.

He could see Rabbit struggling with himself.

He loved Rabbit.

He felt a moment of sadness that it should come to this.

He didn't want to kill Mark.

There was nowhere to run.

Nothing left to live for, if he was reduced to running from his own family.

Then he looked at Rabbit. Mark wasn't just a man. Mark was half a Racing Driver. Half of the Racing Driver Sunshine trusted always to do what was right. 'Come on, show what you are made of. YOU I know the worth of. Be a true lead stallion. Do not let him soil his soul like this.'

Don't make me soil mine.

Not with Mark's blood.

Sebastian would do what was right. There was a taser here. Somewhere.

It would be right.

Sunshine wouldn't respect Sebastian if he wouldn't use it.

For a moment the scenario flashed in his mind.

With Mark in a lifeless heap in Sunshine's room, Sebastian would hold Sunshine's hand while he led him to wherever the taser was stored. For a last moment, they would have the contact that made them one.

Sunshine would kneel.

Sebastian would let go of his hand, because otherwise it would hurt Sebastian, too.

Dying as half a Racing Driver would be the hardest part.

He could imagine the feel of the teeth of the taser against his neck.

His eyes filled with tears.

He would remember to ask Jaamies to block the others, so his uncontrolled death sending wouldn't flood them with unpleasant sensations.

Then Sebastian would kill him.

For killing Mark.

For obeying his nature.

He could feel Rabbit find the strength inside himself.

He breathed.

His faith in Rabbit was rewarded, once again.

Mark froze as Rabbit held him in control.

'I knew you could do it. I always knew you were the true lead stallion. I knew you could do it.'

Rabbit finally stood up for himself.

Sunshine and Sebastian stood, hand in hand and watched Rabbit take his match away. He hustled him past where Kimi and Jaamies stood in the doorway.

What would Kimi have done?

Kimi and Jaamies each let a half formed block drift away into the air.

Sunshine felt himself smile.

Trainers never interfered when the bond pair had things under control. He'd have been there before it was irreparable, though.

Instead, Rabbit and Sunshine had both proven they were stronger than the challenge their relationship posed.


	19. Chapter 19

Houses  
2016

 

Sunshine brought a tray with pills into the brightly lit room. The humans had cleared out, to different parts of the house and down the road, to a dizzying collection of buildings he never could have imagined before they’d begun to drive from the camp where the McLaren herd was hiding.

He had seen stables big enough to comprehend that the humans who crowded the stands for the Grand Prix races all lived and worked in the buildings arrayed around the circuits. He’d been told the American stables were even bigger. There were certainly enough humans at the races to explain the big buildings around the tracks.

What he had never imagined was that there were buildings behind those buildings.

And behind those.

And behind those.

 

On the way to the camp, he had been in the back of the windowless van.

On the way from, he was in the side seat, with Sebastian driving.

They drove down a long road, like Jaamies' memories of rally circuits. It was empty, with green trees on either side and snow along the ground. They came to some buildings, as many as his fingers, then they were past them, driving down another empty road.

He was beginning to wonder when they would arrive at the place where Shoe lived. They had been driving at LEAST half a race. Then they reached a place where there were more buildings than could ever be counted.

Sunshine reached out to feel for Shoe. He must be here somewhere. Sebastian showed no signs of stopping. Sunshine looked out the window and watched the buildings.

At least half as long as it took to race between pit stops, they drove past buildings.

So many buildings.

So many humans.

They weren’t as big as stable buildings, barely the size of a team motorhome, mostly smaller, but more than there could be teams in the world.

He still couldn’t even feel Shoe. They had long since gone out of range of the herd at the McLaren place. Even Jaamies.

He whimpered. He had never been alone before.

How was there a place so far away that he couldn’t feel the herd, or even the track expert at the local track? This many buildings must need a track.

The buildings passed away behind them. Here and there a building stood along the road as they drove.

They came to another place with buildings. This time Sebastian pulled over, but Sunshine still couldn’t feel Shoe. [Why are we stopping? He isn’t here.]

[I know, we need petrol.] Sebastian got out. [Stay in the van. I don’t want anyone to see you and know you are a Racing Driver, yet.] He went through a door into the building with the big windows.

Yet?!

There would be no time men should see him.

Except that was what Jeremy planned. Racing Drivers free to share their faces.

He wanted to hide in his helmet, suddenly, more than he had ever wanted anything. He licked his lips. He touched Sebastian’s mind, in their way and let the extra fear flow away, feeling Sebastian’s calm and confidence.

[We have been driving a very long time,] He said when Sebastian got back in the van. Sebastian handed him a water bottle and a package of peanuts. Sunshine had been offered a snack by the men in the black clothes, in the van, but he was hungry again. Sebastian was radiating tiredness. He opened a can and the sweet, chemical, acrid smell Sunshine knew so well filled the van.

He had never had a drink of it, but it was what paid for every meal and helmet and kart of his young life.

Sebastian didn’t offer him any.

[Sebastian, can I…try it?]

Sebastian turned, unconsciously balancing the can in his left hand on the top of the steering wheel. [It is bad for you.]

[It is bad for you.]

[I am tired.]

Wordlessly, Sunshine pulled the exhaustion out of Sebastian.

Sebastian gestured him to lean forward.

Sunshine reached for the can.

Sebastian shook his head.

Sunshine opened his mouth. Sebastian poured him a little mouthful.

It tasted like sugar and antifreeze and the sting like orange juice.

The instant it touched his tongue he felt a sensation like radio feedback in the skin of his mouth. He swallowed the drink and the sensation followed it down into his belly.

Something changed in his head.

Like a monitor being turned on in a dark room.

The world was too bright suddenly, and his eyes tensed.

Sebastian watched him impassively.

There was a fire inside Sunshine all the time. He had big feelings at all times, and even other Racing Drivers with emotional color affinities commented on it. The fire rose up, filling his insides.

Before he could scream with the joy of it, Sebastian caught a hand around the back of his neck and pulled their foreheads together, locking their minds into one vent. He felt the meaning of the word Volcano.

He had never felt so wonderful in his life. Everything was clear. Everything was easy.

He giggled, high pitched.

[Yeah,] Sebastian gestured between them.

[I’ve got to drive.]

[You’ll kill us like this.]

[I will NEVER not be able to drive.]

[Sunshine.]

He nodded, yes, of course he must obey Sebastian. Sebastian knew what was best. He trusted Sebastian. He relaxed. Sebastian would make everything alright. Yes.

He was glad he didn’t have to focus on driving. He wanted to focus on this feeling. Use it to think about things and understand.

The engine started, and the sound, the feeling, filled the whole of his senses.

They drove through more (more!) buildings.

[When will we get there?]

[Tonight when it’s getting dark,] Sebastian gestured over his grip on the steering wheel. He took another drink from the can.

[We will have to stop a lot?]

[We will get fuel again and later we will get a different vehicle. We will drive the rest of the time.]

Like an endurance race? In a straight line? There was a road long enough for that? For driving for HOURS?

How big was the world?

[Why isn’t there a track here?] He asked, cautiously.

[There aren’t enough people here. This is a very small group of humans living here.]

Sunshine looked out at the buildings. After the length of another race, when they had passed through more groups of buildings. Smaller and larger, he smelled something. The air ahead of them was a different color. Like it was over the circuits.

He could hear it buzzing before they reached it.

And it still wasn’t “big” enough for a circuit.

He started to feel shaky.

How many humans were there? He thought…that the humans at the circuits were all the people. Many people at circuits he had never been to, but not groups of them as far as his eyes could see. Even the humans at the circuits outnumbered his people. An entire stable’s Racing Drivers could fit in a small area of a circuits’ stands.

There were several stables at the McLaren camp and there had been a few large buildings only.

No wonder it was so easy for men to keep them in subjection.

They could get out of a stable but to go…where?

He closed his eyes.

Sebastian took a hand off the steering wheel and picked Sunshine’s off his lap. [You have somewhere to go, now. The Grand Tour has places ready. As soon as all THESE humans know about you, they will work to help you, protect you, acknowledge you. You will live in a building like one of these, like you live in with Kimi, but you and I will live together, and you will be as free EVERYWHERE as you are at Kimi’s house.]

[Kimi loves us a lot, to invite us to share this….] He waved vaguely.

Sebastian just nodded.


	20. Chapter 20

Knowing Your Sire  
Schumacher Residence- GT Day

 

_He couldn’t make eye contact with his reflection. He was bone weary. He hadn’t been this tired since he’d started really training for F1. He was slumped over the sink in the bathroom. This whole day couldn’t be happening._

_Kimi’s, the van ride, and even the drive through northern Europe, they all seemed unreal, like dreams. Like he’d seen them in a movie. The history of the world started when he pulled into Michael’s driveway. His hands tightened on the edge of the sink._

Sebastian leaned on the steering wheel and looked up at the house. He’d parked behind some shrubs, so the occupants of the car weren’t immediately visible from the house. There would be security cameras, but he couldn’t deal with that. He looked at Sunshine, sitting in the passenger seat. He’d wanted to drive. Sebastian hadn’t let him. He didn’t know any of the traffic laws. Kimi had told him a harrowing story about trying to teach Jaamies to drive on the road, and he’d never again been inclined to let Sunshine drive in traffic.

He sent pictures of himself going inside and Sunny waiting until Sebastian came back out to get him. He would talk his way around the FIA agents in the house, and bring everyone back out. If there was shooting, Sunshine should sneak around the back.

Sunshine looked at him like he’d suggested they should try ice racing in the F1 car. Sebastian was going to stay in the car. Sunshine could enforce the fact, but he would prefer it if Sebastian didn’t make him enforce it.

Sebastian sat back. Sunshine couldn’t go in there alone, they’d notice immediately that he couldn’t speak.

He felt the warm fulfillment of complete assurance.

Sunshine got out of the car, put his hands in the pouch of his red hoodie, and walked with urgency towards the house.

Sebastian felt a cold shock when Sunshine shut him out of his mind. He nearly went in after him. The assurance was still flooding his emotions, though. His grip tightened on the steering wheel when he heard gunfire. There were two bursts, then a pause, and another.

The front door opened. He expected the figure to come out running, but Sunshine strolled halfway down the lawn, hands in the pouch of his red hoodie, and then opened their connection again, feeling only very mild annoyance. He waved for Sebastian to come in.

Sebastian pulled the car closer.

_Cool water dripped off his face, rippling the pool in the sink. There were clumps of blonde curls stuck along the edges. Sebastian scrubbed his hands over his freshly shaved cheeks._

There were two men laying on one side of the hallway. They were dressed as healthcare workers. Corinna and Mick were standing over them, mouths drawn and eyes wide.

“Corinna!” Sebastian said. His eyes kept sliding off the men on the floor.

“Sebastian? What is going on?!”

Sunshine came through the door behind him and Corinna and Mick each tried to step in front of the other.

Corinna looked back and forth between them, the Racing Driver in the red hoodie and the young man in the white t-shirt. Light dawned in her eyes.

“Oh my god,” Mick said. “You’re like dad.”

Sunshine headed straight for the door behind them. Corinna gasped and reached out when he went in. “Sebastian, he can’t go in there.”

Sebastian put his hand on her arm and then followed Sunshine into the room.

The three humans stood just inside the doorway.

It was the first time Sebastian had seen him in a long time. He hadn’t been able to communicate with him, then, without Sunny. He could communicate somewhat, now, according to the little Sebastian knew. He was sitting up in the bed. He looked physically more stable, but there was a little wildness in the brown eyes that were locked on Sunshine.

Sunshine flowed right onto the bed, knee walking up the foot and in a single smooth motion, reaching out and cupping his hand behind Shoe's neck.

Corinna let out a little squeak.

With perfect grace and strength, Sunshine pulled Shoe up to meet him. His forward motion halted only when their foreheads touched.

The edge of what they were sharing was all it took to make Sebastian cover his mouth and tears to come to his eyes. He could not feel what passed between them, but he could feel what it did to Sunshine’s heart. He snaked his hand out and grasped Corinna’s.

Then Sunshine let through a trickle of the emotional tide running between them. Sebastian started talking without being aware of it. Even the tiny bit he was getting was such a wild rush, he had to make sense of it before he could turn it into words.

“He loves you so much,” Sebastian whispered. “Sunshine can’t even let me see all of it, but it hurts me, he loves you so much.” He squeezed her hand. With his other hand, he flailed towards Mick. It took the boy a moment to realize and then he took the man’s hand. “He wanted so much to thank you and to show you. He’s wanted so long. He says he wants to say it back every time you say ‘I love you.’”

“I don’t just mean it for Michael, not anymore,” Corinna said to Sebastian. She was weeping openly, now.

Mick took a step towards the bed, but Sebastian kept ahold of his hand.

“He knows. He says he is sorry, and he…” Sebastian put his face down and shook for a moment. “He would trade his place with Michael’s.” A whine tore itself from his throat and Sunshine reduced the intensity of the connection again.

Corinna squeezed Sebastian's hand. "Tell him I know what Jeremy offered him. Tell him I know he's doing this because he loves us, even though he doesn't have to." Sebastian hadn't known about what Jeremy had offered before, help into death, but the knowledge came through his bond with Sunshine. He swallowed. That might, at least explain why Clarkson hadn't sent anyone to get Shoe out.

"He can understand you, Corinna. He knows everything you say to him, everything you talk to him about." Sebastian blushed at feeling the edge of some of what Corinna had shared with Shoe.

She looked down and smiled. "I hoped you could." She, too started towards the bed, but Sebastian gently pulled her back as well.

"You can't go over there. In fact, we shouldn't even be in the room. Come on, Sunshine is going to help him."

They both looked at him.

He kept ahold of their hands and led them out of the room.

"He's going to help him? Sunshine? Your...friend's name is Sunshine?"

And that was the first time he realised that she had been living with him for years and had no idea what he was.

"Where is your computer?"

_Sebastian picked up the clippers on the edge of the sink. Sunshine was sitting on a kitchen chair in the garage, with a towel around his bare shoulders. He looked up at Sebastian and leaned his head back, exposing his throat. Sebastian ran his fingers through his Racing Driver's beautiful curls, fluffing them one last time. The blond curls were their best feature. He cupped his hand behind Sunshine's neck and began shaving them off._

Mick and Corinna were sitting in shocked silence when the Grand Tour came to a close.

They looked up at Sebastian.

Mick shook his head and looked back at the now still computer screen.

Corinna looked down the hall towards Shoe's room.

All this time, she had only had the barest idea of what was going on. Only known that it wasn't always Michael driving the car. Never...anything like this. 

Mick stood up. "Gina knew it had to be something like this. Come on, mom. This explains everything. If Gina was here, she'd believe."

Sunshine called to Sebastian, 'Bring the people in here.'

Sebastian stopped on the way to Sunshine. Outside Shoe's room there were two men lying on the floor. Sebastian stared down at them. They were dressed in scrubs. Sunshine called again and he went into the room.

Shoe seemed stronger. Sunshine looked at Sebastian, and passed him the information.

Sebastian opened his mouth and closed his mouth. Then said, "You want to be able to talk to him?"

Corinna nodded.

He started to leave them with some privacy. "Go look in his eyes until he looks away. We're all leaving. You'll need to change your appearances." He leaned back into the room. "Have you got some clippers?"

He brushed the remains of Sunshine's hair off onto the floor. "Jaamies taught you what he did to Kimi."

Sunshine smiled up at Sebastian. [Now they can talk, even though they aren't bonded to him, it will be better this way.]

Sebastian ran his fingers over the minute fuzz on Sunshine's head and then through the matching fuzz on his own.

The door opened and Mick stepped in. He looked at them silently, then took his shirt off, wrapped a towel from the laundry pile around his shoulders and took Sunshine's place on the chair.

Sebastian didn't think there was maybe as much chance of someone recognizing Mick, but obliged him in his show of solidarity. The boy watched, flat faced as his hair fell to the floor around him.

Sunshine ran a hand over Mick's bare scalp and revved. Mick couldn't hear the approving sending, but Sebastian watched his Racing Driver touch a human other than himself or Kimi, and knew it was a meaningful moment.

"He says you look brave. Where is your mother, she is not going to be showing up in here wanting her head shaved, too, is she?"

"No, she's upstairs dying her hair."

Sebastian looked over Mick's head at Sunshine, sending to the Racing Driver, but speaking to the boy, "I will need your help with Shoe. He won't like me touching him."

Mick nodded.

They stood around the bed and Sunshine explained to Shoe what they were doing. Sunshine got on the bed next to him and put the towel around his shoulders. Sebastian handed Mick the clippers.

Mick's mouth gave a one sided grin around pursed lips and he sat on the bed and gently shaved Shoe's hair. When the last of it was gone, he carefully gathered up the towel and took it away.

Sebastian and Sunshine cleared away the bedding and Sunshine passed his arms under the Racing Driver and took Sebastian's hands so they could lift him out of the bed.

Mick shook his head and pushed at Sebastian. Sebastian let go of his partner's hands and looked at the boy. Mick moved him out of the way. "Let me carry my father," he said, not looking at Sebastian. He looked at Sunny instead, took his hands and nodded. Sunny nodded back and looked at Sebastian.

"Good." Sebastian gave one sharp nod of his head and stood out of the young man's way.

The two lifted Shoe out of the bed and carried him as though he was in a chair and set him in the wheelchair that was waiting beside the bed. Sebastian watched the two. He wondered if Sunshine knew who they were to one another, as he stood with his hand on the shoulder of the nearest thing he had to a human brother. Shoe's legacy and Michael's legacy.

Corinna came into the room and froze. She stared at the two young men with one half of their father's soul between them. It was obvious, when you saw them together. Sebastian had never looked as much like his Racing Driver as most of the matches did, Sunshine looked very much like Shoe, and Sebastian didn't. She looked at him and he smiled wanly.

"Racing Drivers have children too, Corinna," he murmured. He looked at her again. Her hair was blue. Light blue, and the blonde visible beneath, but blue, nonetheless. "When he said you were dying your hair..."

"This was leftover from Gina's rebellious phase. It suits me, don't you think?" It did suit her. It was a very flattering color, but it made her look not at all like herself, which meant it would also be very effective camouflage.

She looked at Shoe and screwed up her eyes, concentrating hard. She put her hands to her temples like the psychics in movies. Shoes eyes widened. "Oh! I am being too loud? I'm sorry." She looked at Sebastian. "I've never done this before."

Sebastian laughed and put her hands down. "If you think it as if you are planning to say it, he can hear you. You can feel the place he is in your mind? Just talk to that. Unless he is far away, he will hear you."

A blush bloomed on her face. "Did you hear him say that?"

Sebastian shook his head. "I can only hear Sunny." He paused. "You cannot here Sunny, can you?"

Corrina thought about it. "No, just...Shoe." She smiled at the Racing Driver.

Sunshine made a surprised noise. He sent that Mick had asked Shoe to tell him to tell Sebastian that this was way better than secret codes.

The young man was smirking. He made very much the same self satisfied face as Michael had. "You'll get the hang of it, mom, just think how great it'll be to get to hear him talk."

Sunshine's eyes flew to Sebastian's. They didn't have to hear the boy's mind to hear the "again" hanging in the air behind that statement. Sebastian gathered himself to say something, but Shoe's cleared his throat. He looked up at the boy. Mick's hand tightened on Shoe's shoulder as he listened. They stared at each other for a moment, Mick's face flickering through emotions.

It was Corinna's turn to take Sebastian and Sunny out of the room.

Sebastian stopped outside the door. There were two men in healthcare worker scrubs lying on the floor. He took a step towards them to check on them, but Sunshine called to him, and he turned around.

"Yeah, Sunny?" He smiled.

Hadn't they better get out of here?

He nodded. He turned to Corinna, who was looking at him with the muscles under her eyes scrunched up. "We will take the transit van when we leave. It has the most space. We will be on the road until we find a safe place to stay, so we’ll need food and supplies. Blankets? You and Mick should pack bags. I don’t know…what he will need?” He glanced at the closed door to Shoe's room. “Just think about the longest camping trip.”

Corinna was staring at the floor behind him, answered him absently, “Yes, we have things we can take.”

Mick came out of the room, pushing the wheelchair. He followed his mother’s gaze. Sebastian turned around to see what everyone was looking at. There were two men on the floor. They looked like medical workers. Someone should check they were alright.

Sunshine called him.

He turned back around, smiling. “Yeah, Sunny?”

Mick looked at his mother and tilted his head. Shoe's eyes went to Sunshine.

[We need clothes, we didn’t get bags when the men took us away from Kimi’s house.] Sunny gestured.

“Sunny and I will need to borrow some clothes. We didn’t have a chance to pack before we left.

[We should find food in the kitchen,] Sunny gestured.

Sebastian nodded. “You two go get your camping stuff, we will go look for food in the kitchen, that should give us something we can do.” He reached for the wheelchair, and Mick’s grip on it tightened, until Sunny moved to take it. Then he stepped back willingly.

As they walked to the kitchen and Corinna and Mick headed upstairs, Mick said quietly to his mother, “Did that Sunshine just do what I think he just did?”

Sebastian was vaguely aware that Sunny and Shoe were having some sort of intense discussion while he pulled canned goods out of cupboards and dried goods out of the pantry.

He gestured to Shoe, [Please ask Corinna to see if she can find some plastic bins or something to put this stuff in.]

He set the food on the kitchen counter. Then he went through and found some dishes and put them with the pile as well.

He looked at the pile. He remembered Hanna always adding towels and napkins and garbage bags to the supplies when they’d gone camping. He searched through cupboards until he found these things and added them to the pile as well. On his own, he thought of dish soap and spices.

Mick came into the kitchen with plastic tubs, he patted Shoe on the shoulder as he went by, and helped Sebastian pack the food into the tubs. Then he went to carry the camping supplies down from the attic.

Sebastian heard some low voice in the hallway, and then the sound of something heavy being dragged along the floor, towards the back of the house, but Mick didn't bring anything else into the kitchen for awhile.

Sebastian carried everything out to the van and tucked it along one side in the back. When he finished packing the food, Mick had a stack of camping equipment sitting in the center of the kitchen floor. Sebastian carried that out to the van as well. Sunshine stayed with Shoe, the two Racing Drivers in close contact and Sunshine gesturing in the slow, careful gestures he’d learned from years of close contact with Jaamies.

Corinna appeared with the last of the equipment and they went out of the house and packed the last supplies in the van. She handed the boys sunglasses and hats. She knelt in front of Shoe and put the soft, hand knit cap on his shaved head and put the big sunglasses on him, kissing him as naturally as anything. Then she paused, face close to his and looking into his eyes. A big smile spread across her face.

Sebastian watched in the reflection on the door mirror. He wondered when she’d stopped kissing him as Michael and started kissing him as himself. He could communicate a little, and she’d known the whole time that he was not who they were pretending he was. How long since she’d fallen in love with the other half of her husband’s soul? Sebastian squeezed Sunshine’s hand, only then becoming aware he was holding it.

Sunny and Mick lifted Shoe into the back seat of the van and Mick showed Sunny how to make sure he was stable and comfortable. “This is easier when he can tell you what’s going on. When I was little, we just had to work it out for ourselves.” A tiny cloud scudded across the mood when he said this, but it dissipated quickly. “Can I drive, Sebastian?”

Sebastian snorted and put his sunglasses on. Then he stopped and thought. He turned to the young man, appraised him, and nodded. “Let’s see if you’re as good a driver as your father.”

Mick looked at Shoe.

“Either of them.” Sebastian gestured towards the driver’s seat. “Did anyone ever tell you your father was the best human to ever drive in F1? Let me tell you, I’ve seen a lot of driving in my life, usually from right up close in the pit lane, but your father, there was no one like him.”

Mick slipped into the driver’s seat. “Yeah? On the Grand Tour they said men don’t drive.”

“Well, that’s because they aren’t fast enough. All except one.”

He looked back over his shoulder from his place in the passenger seat and smiled at Shoe. Shoe smiled back, grateful that Sebastian saw what Mick needed to hear, to remember that the man in his life hadn’t always been the OTHER half of his father’s soul.


	21. Chapter 21

Awake  
On The Run- November 20, 2016

 

There was a dim green light showing down into the narrow space in the building beneath the high, foggy windows. The walls were made of bricks, covered in layers of dirt and the place smelled like exhaust and rotten food and the man holding both his arms, pushing him out of the back of the van smelled like some sort of sweet deodorant, but with a hint of rubbing alcohol.

He tripped out of the back of the van. Since there was tape holding his hands behind his back, he couldn’t reach out to steady himself. He fell to one knee, the other leg thrown out behind him, and he nearly tipped headfirst into the ground, but the smelly man caught him.

The only thing he saw after that was the pale face of the other man, who was already there, kneeling on the ground across from him. There was dark blood on his face, and an expression of agony.

His Michael was in pain.

He was kept from standing by hands on his shoulders, and one of the two men wrenching his arms up, so he was forced forward from the waist, off balance.

‘Confidence. Peace.’ Michael needed the feelings and Shoe sent them, denying the fear and helplessness and bewilderment he himself felt. He didn’t understand why the companies would do this.

Ferrari was proud of Michael and Shoe.

Weren’t they?

They had pulled Shoe out of his stall in the middle of the night, and the other stallions at the track had screamed for him. He had told Jaamies, the new little Ferrari Champion, to take care of Alondra, of Sunshine and Sebastian, of Mancha and Felipe. He had felt Jaamies screaming for his man, the cold blooded one, as he was taken out of range.

This shouldn’t happen to a Champion they were proud of. The two of them had more work to do. Ferrari needed Michael and Shoe, to lead the stable. To protect the herd.

The green light made Michael’s face look wrong.

The man held his weapon to Shoe's match’s face.

Michael had the prettiest green eyes. They glanced up at the man and then locked back onto Shoe, like the two of them were matching again. There were tears in his eyes, to mirror Michael’s

The strange light made Michael’s eyes look dark, almost as brown as Shoe's.

‘When the night comes,’ Shoe rushed to send Michael the song, over Michael’s frantic apologies, ‘I can barely rest, because every thought is of you…’

He knew what came next, the noise of the weapon and then the pain of being ripped apart, having every part of him that was Michael, shredded away, until what was him at the heart of them was left, naked and skinned, and missing everything that made him worth being, just the skeletal core that he had given to grow into the powerful Racing Driver they had been.

Instead everything stopped and Sunshine stepped out of empty air and put his hands on Shoe's face, pulling him up first to his feet, then out and away, and Shoe was blinking in the light coming in through the windows in the backseat of a car, and Sunshine had his hands on his cheeks, watching him with blue eyes. From the front seat, Sebastian was watching him as well.

‘You woke me up.’

[You were having a nightmare,] Sunshine explained.

He knew. He’d had them every night. Every time he slept, and with nothing else to do, he slept a lot. Not always the same nightmare. Different ones. Sometimes it was the men who’d held Michael, who had been his handlers once he was left alone to live with Michael’s family, gesturing terrible threats, promising all the terrible things they would do to Michael’s family. The terrible, painful things they did to him, excusing it as treatment for the paralysis.

He could feel, but not resist.

He closed his eyes in the memory of defeat.

[I know,] Sunshine told him. [Those men are gone. They have paid for what they did, to you, and to your family,] He petted Shoe's hair, [And to your man.]

There were tears in Sunshine’s eyes, and in Sebastian’s, and not for sympathy, but for their own grief.

[We are free, now. The Grand Tour. They told EVERYONE about us.] Sebastian smiled hugely. [Jeremy came through.]

Yesterday had been such a blur of activity, of confusion, and his reveling in what Sunshine had shown him.

He reached through the fresh connections in his head. The bonds would never be matching bonds, just a connection he could communicate through, but he could feel Mick and Corinna.

‘Corinna,’ He sent, gently, a little smile gracing his lips.

‘YES SHOE?!’

His smile got bigger. Mick had taken to this way of speaking immediately, and he would, wouldn’t he, being his father’s son? Corinna still shouted through the connection. She wanted so badly to make sure he heard her that she focused all her thoughts on the sending.

He had wanted so long to be known to her. He could only be glad she was as willing to communicate...with him.

‘Precious strong one, where are you?’ He was alone in the back of the stopped car, with Sunshine beside him, and Sebastian leaning over the passenger seat.

‘In This STORE!’ She looked around and he was flooded with a vivid picture of a small room full of shelves with bright boxes and cans.

‘Are you awake?’ Mick pushed into the connection, eager and alert and pleased, like a puppy. He must have a name, a real name, Shoe thought. If he’d been born from a Racing Driver mother, she would have listened to who he was from the first time of his sending the fact of his existence. When he was born she’d have known to within a hair who he was, and told others his name. As he’d grown, his choices would have affected the stallion he grew into, who he was and how he identified himself.

He looked at Sebastian.

‘Does Sebastian know Mick’s name?’ He asked Sunshine.

Sunshine’s jaw set. ‘You aren’t going to tell Sebastian he is half Racing Driver,’ His eyes narrowed.

‘No. He is your man, he will not hear it from me.’

‘He thinks it is Closing the Gap To the Leader,’ Sunshine sent the sent feeling of Mick’s sending name.

‘Of course it would be.’

Sunshine’s lips twitched. ‘He will have his turn to overtake me, when it is time.’

Shoe was overcome with pride. He wanted to cuddle his colt’s head to his chest, and Sunshine, responding to this desire, hugged close to Shoe. ‘I missed you.’

‘I missed you, too.’

His eyes picked up motion and he watched Corinna and Mick walk out of the building they were parked near. The little blonde stallion walked just like Michael. Shoe looked at the two slightly older stallions in the car with him. How had he gotten so lucky?

After all the tragedy, he had the thing he wanted more than anything else.

His family, safe, free.

Together.

No more sleeping. It was time to live again.


	22. Chapter 22

**Clean**

**Schumacher Farm- 2016**

  


He woke up from a dream of Abu Dhabi, where he would have been racing, today.  The heat had dried the life from everything around the track.  The air felt like it had been pressed crisp like fresh laundry.  No scent, nothing, cleaned to remove the scent of whoever had worn the clothes the wash cycle before, as they would be washed to remove your scent for whoever would wear them next, as though the anonymity of scentless clothing was somehow better.  

Sunshine, like most Racing Drivers, rubbed the fresh clothes against his body to remove the distressing dead odorlessness and replace it with the scent of healthy, happy Racing Driver.

And the clothes Sebastian brought for him smelled wonderful, washed in unscented soap but they nevertheless picked up the familiar scent of Sebastian and his home.  So comfortable.  So much better than dead clothes with any trace of one’s family freshly wrung out of them.

At least fresh clothes didn’t smell like perfume chemicals.  Years ago when they were first matched, a teammates’ man,  had forgotten the strict stable instructions not to use scented cleaners, and the little stallion had been required to stay in his race suit, or wear clothes so soaked in scent that he suffered a blinding headache.

That wasn’t as bad as the time someone cleaning the trackside stable had dropped a container of air freshening stuff, which had broken, and despite airing, a few moments after stepping into the corridor, all the team stallions had come down with naseous vomiting.  Sebastian told him, later, it was meant to be cinnamon scented, but it didn’t smell sweet and spicy like food to the Racing Drivers, it smelled poisonous, like one of the inedible chemical sugars, like kerosene or petrol.

The stable was unusable that night.  They had all had to sleep locked with their matches into their rooms in the team motorhome with handlers on guard outside.

It had been wonderful!  Sebastian hadn't left him, not even once the whole night, and they went to sleep, because Sunshine had to drive the next morning, but a whole night together, being able to touch and caress Sebastian’s mind any time he wanted.  Sweep hadn’t been able to catch him the next day.  It had been the best night in Sunshine’s whole life.

Until his first night staying at Kimi’s house, in the practice freedom, and every single night Sebastian had stayed over in the little guest bed in his stall.

Since that first night in the motorhome, Sunshine had been sure.  He knew for certain that Racing Drivers weren’t supposed to be apart from their matches.  He was the other half of Sebastian and he needed to be with him always.  He would give up the rest of the freedoms, if he could stay with Sebastian.  Maybe even go to Sebastian’s house with him, and meet his family.  He could help do the housework there, like he washed the dishes at Kimi’s.  He could wash the laundry, in unscented soap.  He could even learn to make dinner.  Something Sebastian liked, like Carbonara.  Sebastian would be so surprised the first time Sunshine brought everything home and made him a dinner all on his own.  When he provided for Sebastian.  He wanted to take care of Sebastian.

That meant having more of the freedoms.  Yes.  They would all be good.  He needed to be with Sebastian BECAUSE he needed to take care of him.  It was right that he should do so.

Sebastian needed him.  Silly little human.

He looked down where Sebastian slept with his face on Sunshine’s belly.  You need me.  You have others who would love you, but I will make sure of the best for you.  I will do the things needed to keep your hands soft and dry.  I like when you care for me with your soft hands.

He looked at his own hands.

My hands are calloused, it won’t hurt me to do the work.

  



	23. Chapter 23

The Truth of What Happens  
A Farm in Romania- After GT Day

 

A sense of discomfort pulled Sebastian from sleep. He scrubbed his hands over his scruffy cheeks. He felt a weight on the foot of the bed and he looked up. There was no such thing as a dark room anymore, and the lights from various electronics made Sunshine visible, sitting stock straight on the foot of the bed staring at Sebastian.

"Hey, love," Sebastian sent and spoke, since it was too dark to see gestures. His mind filled with warm, golden light and he moaned in delight. Sunshine held him still from the inside out.

'Sebastian. Lay still.' He put his hand on Sebastian's cheek.

The enforced stillness ceased, but he held himself rigid as he'd been told. He watched Sunshine close his eyes.

'I've known you since you were just a little dork who was just so glad to be special for anything.' Then they were standing in the hallway at Michael's house, outside Shoe's room. Corinna, And Mick with Shoe in the wheelchair were standing outside the room, frozen in a moment in time. Sebastian was looking at two men on the floor. One man was tall and deeply tan skinned, with brown hair and blue scrubs. He was wearing walking shoes and a nice watch. The other man was shorter and broader, he had thinning hair and blue eyes. Sunshine was kneeling beside the men, packing them into a box...

No, packing the memory of them into a box. Sunshine set this box on a stack of other boxes and took Sebastian's hand.

'You were never willing to do anything that would risk my anger. You didn't dare.'

Same hallway. Memory Sebastian and Mick and Corinna were coming down the stairs. Sebastian looked at them, then down at the same two men lying on the floor. He couldn't remember them being there earlier. Just the empty floor. The man with blue eyes was staring at nothing. The other man was holding a gun. Sebastian looked around and saw the other gun under the side table. Sunshine packed this memory in a box as well and set it on the stack. The floor was clear, now.

Again.

'You never told me 'No,' never stopped me. Not from Rabbit. Not from this, not from anything.' Mick and Corinna were huddled together looking toward the door Sebastian had just come through.

He felt his shock again when he saw the two men lying on the floor, dumped practically one on top of the other. The man had blue eyes. He was staring. His neck was broken, both men's were. There were 3 spent ammunition cartridges on the floor. Sebastian looked to where the gun had landed under the side table. He turned around and looked at the wall beside the front door. There were two bullet holes in the plaster. The third hole was in the ceiling above the door. He turned back to where the men were. Sunshine was standing there, watching him, shoulders back.

[Do you want a hug Sebastian?] Sunshine asked, body language confident, but asking as if he was sure the answer would be no.

Sebastian's eyes narrowed. He walked forward and stopped on the other side of where the men had lain. Where there was now just a closed box. He put his hand out as if for a handshake. [I want you to show me.]

Sunshine reached across where he'd erased the memories of the men's bodies.

Sebastian had relished every time Sunshine had let him into his mind to experience something. _This time he felt the rush of air into his lungs. He ignored the pain everytime he inhaled, like there was something crammed up inside Sunshine's chest and there was enough room until he tried to breathe. He felt the smoothness of the doorknob, the weight of the door, as he entered the house. He felt the wood of the door beneath his shoes, the carpet running down the hallway. The man sitting outside the door with immense power behind it. Sunshine smiled and waved, walking briskly but casually._

'You never wanted to see what you never wanted to know.'

_He was halfway across the distance when the man realized he wasn't answering the demanding noises the man was making. He was taller than Sunshine. He pulled a machine out of his belt._

_He was so slow._

_Sunshine had a long time to figure out where it was aimed._

_When the man's finger moved, Sunshine jumped to the side._

_The bullet went past faster than Sunshine could see. A thrill of excitement tinged with fear crackled through him. It was so good. He hadn't felt excitement like that in a long time._

_He ducked and moved back towards the center of the hallway. The second bullet went over his head. He let out a trill of delight at the rush. He pushed the gun to the ceiling. It went off. Then he was standing face to face with the man. He could hear running footsteps from the room behind the man. The man was reacting much too slowly to Sunshine's sudden proximity. Sunshine stepped around behind him. Biology lessons had been interesting. He braced the man's torso and twisted him. Some deep part of Sunshine was startled by the snapping noise, and something deeper inside of him, an ancestral thing, stood in the snow drenched in hot blood and howled in triumph. But those were both old things, things that had no bearing on him or his actions._

_He had time to reflect on this as he turned and as the second man wrenched the door open and came through gun first, he wrench the gun free of his grasp and flung it behind him. It slid across the wooden floor and came to rest under a table. He braced this man's body as well. This time, face to face, he saw the moment when the muscles slackened. He dropped the man out of the way and closed the door to the bedroom, with a polite nod to the occupant._

_He turned. Two humans were standing in the hallway staring at him. A yellow haired mare and young stallion. He looked them up and down. Saw how wide their pupils were blown. How hard they were breathing. Noted the features on the little stallion._

_It was safe to bring Sebastian in here, now. He put his hands in his hoodie pouch and strolled out onto the lawn._

The world went grey and fuzzy and then dark and Sebastian was opening his eyes in his own body.

Sunshine took his hand off his face.

Sebastian was shaking.

'Don't worry, you won't remember in the morning.'

Sebastian worked his tongue in his mouth, trying to speak.

'You never do.'

He was treated to a series of flashes of himself pinned against walls in team rooms, with Sunshine looming over him, reaching into him and peeling things away.

'Just sleep and forget.'

He leaned close and touched his forehead to the center of Sebastian's chest. The man felt like the light pressure was keeping him from drawing a full breath. He felt like he was smothering.

'I'm sorry it's like this for us, Sebastian. I'm sorry they brought me to you broken.'

He thought of the grief inside Sunshine that kept him taking a full breath. He forced his hand to move. He raised it and settled it over the back of Sunshine's neck. He had strong hands. He ran an air gun for every pitstop Sunshine had ever had. He knelt before his partner's glorious presence and coordinated his strategy with the team, and ran an air gun.

He squeezed the back of Sunshine's neck just enough to make him feel the pressure.

'YOU don't move.' He told him. 'You forget I've known you since YOU were just a little dork who was desperate to accomplish anything. You think I am blinded by your championships?'

Sunshine whimpered.

'Don't do that.' Sebastian sighed. 'Act like I would hurt you. And do NOT act like you would hurt me, we both know better, we could use a dose of acknowledging what we both pretend we don't know. I'll start. I know every centimeter of your self Sunshine. You hid the bodies, but you didn't hide the gun, or the shells or the bullet holes, or the sounds of the gunshots. You knew I could figure out that FIA's agents wouldn't let you have Shoe without a fight. You knew I wouldn't forget there must have been agents there, just because I didn't remember seeing the bodies.'

Sunshine inhaled. He flattened himself against Sebastian. He licked his lips.

'I wouldn't hurt you.' He moved up, despite Sebastian's squeeze on his neck and laid full length against him. 'I would never have to, because why should I? You will never hurt me. You will never resent anything I do. You are desperate for my happiness. You love me even though...'

Sebastian sighed.

Sunshine continued, '...Even though I'm not like the others. Even though in me, the predator is unchained. You have kept me alive even though other men would have put me down themselves rather than let me run.'

Sebastian worked his left arm up between them and grasped Sunshine's right hand.

'I love every part of you.' He kept his right hand on his Racing Driver's neck.

Sunshine was growing soft and pliable against him. 'I'm scared you'll stop.'

'I will never stop loving you,' Sebastian whispered it against Sunshine's ear. 'Believe me. Nothing you are capable of could stop me from being with you completely.'

'There are bad things, Sebastian.' Sunny breathed against him neck. He was shivering.

'I know, little one. We're just going to keep fighting the bad things, and make the best decisions we can.' Sebastian waited until the shivering had stopped and moved his hand off Sunshine's neck to stroke his buzzed hair against the grain. Sunshine shivered in a different way. 'Get under the covers, Sunny. You'll get cold laying in the night air'

Sunny's skin was chill from the exposure.

Sebastian wrapped himself around him. Two of the same body would not fit perfectly together. They met in all the same spots. It was a contortion to get comfortable against someone built just the same.


	24. Chapter 24

Meadow  
Secret Location: Schumacher Farm- After GT Day

The PR people had loved seeing it happen. It wasn't about the driving, the point was to draw sparks off Mark and Sebastian. Mark had explained this to Rabbit and Rabbit had nodded. The humans had loved Rabbit and Sunshine's grinding each other to bits. Blood to lubricate the machine, Kimi had said.

Rabbit walked delicately into the bedroom the other two were staying in. There was a window letting the daylight in, and a comfortable bed in the corner. He was light on his feet, and thrumming with the presence filling the room.

Sunshine was in position, nothing but his eyes moving as the door opened and Mark brought Rabbit in. Mark gestured hello to Sunshine and Sunshine returned the greeting lazily. Not the eternally cheery face he showed everyone else.

Mark sent confidence to Rabbit, reminded him that he was a champion in his own right, now, and backed out of the room, maintaining eye contact with Sunshine until the door closed.

It had been a lot of seasons since Rabbit had seen Sunshine.

[I have been wanting to see you again.] Sunshine told him. [Come here, please.] Sunshine sat down in the center of the room and patted the floor in front of him.

Rabbit hesitated, he had ASKED, though. He did as requested and sat cross legged in front of the Red stallion. [Yes, stallion?] he asked.

Sunshine's eyes widened at the voluntary honorific. He permitted himself a small smile. Then he reached out and brushed the hair out of Rabbit's eyes.

[This is getting long again. I always liked it long.] He smiled with his eyes. [It was never good for us, at Redbull. Neither of us. You knew you were suffering, though, that was your advantage.]

Advantage!? Rabbit started to his feet, but Sunshine's soft touch on his shoulder was like a safety harness he couldn't move past.

[If I'd been able to recognise what they were doing, if I'd have known they were hurting me, we might have worked together.] He cocked his head. [Fought together?]

Rabbit would have accepted any HELP Sunshine might have given.

Sunny's icy composure broke down. [I worked so hard for your respect!] He fell foward with his forehead on Rabbit's leg, making sad noises to his knee. 'I just wanted you to like me. I wanted...' His hands clasped Rabbit's leg on either side of his face. 'It wasn't my fault. The way the stable was. I didn't want your place. I wanted YOU to have your place, but everything was always going wrong. I was scared if...' He swallowed a noise Rabbit couldn't identify. 'If I started losing, they would make ME slow down for you, instead,' his hands convulsed as he said this.

Rabbit looked down at the stallion he'd known as a Colt. He remembered the times Sunny had expressed that very fear and Rabbit hadn't believed the team would do that, not REALLY. As honest as Mark and Rabbit's relationship was, Sunny and Sebastian had a level of closeness and mutual understanding that had never seemed like a comfortable prospect to Rabbit. It had robbed Sunshine of so much of his innocence of the human world.

Sunny clasped his leg again. 'You started hating me so much, and all I knew to do was work harder, so you would have to respect me. I never wanted...' his sending sounded like it was ringing through the tunnel at Monaco. 'To hurt you. I couldn't understand what I was doing to you. I was just so tired of fighting.' He sniffed. 'That is no excuse. It was wrong of me to take anything from you. I can only hope someday you can forgive me for that.'

Rabbit listened stiffly. Part of him wanted to reach out and stroke Sunny's back, but he knew deep in his heart that this would be the wrong thing to do. He knew why it would be wrong. Sunny wouldn't allow himself to be coddled.

Sunny lay with his forehead on Rabbit's leg for a moment longer and then composed himself and sat up.

'Ferrari is better for you, stallion?' Rabbit asked. He leaned forward and put his hands together on the floor between Sunny's crossed legs. He could feel Sunny's eyes on him. It was a new sensation. To feel it without having recently been freed from the bubble.

'Yes. Grad is a good lead stallion. He has the stable well managed. Volkswagon is good for you?' His fingers brushed Rabbit's hair again.

'Yes, stallion. I am one among many champions. One of the few who has been a herd stallion before.' He was leaning into Sunny's caresses. The strength in his touch made the hairs on Rabbit's arms raise.

'Come here, Rabbit.'

'Yes, stallion,' Rabbit whispered. He sat in front of Sunny and Sunny pressed his chest to Rabbit's back.

Rabbit could feel the muscles moving under Sunny's skin. He was no Colt anymore. He could smell the new smell of Sunny's t-shirt. The deeper, chemical testosterone scent coming off him. He relaxed. Tentatively, he dropped his barriers.

Sunny lay his face on Rabbit's shoulder and exhaled softly. He put his arms around Rabbit's waist. Sunny opened his mind to Rabbit the same way, letting each other into the places they'd guarded so heavily for so long. 'I wanted so badly to take care of you. I wanted to stop them hurting you. I never got strong enough to protect you.'

'I wanted to give in,' Rabbit bowed his head and felt Sunny nuzzle his neck.

'I'm sorry the handlers took the peace we should have had.' That wasn't exactly an admission. Rabbit looked inside himself for the strength to overlook this, but Sunny continued. 'I'm sorry I let them. My responsibility was to you, first.'

'That is why our men fight them. They use us to tear each other apart. They knew we would have been a threat to them, if we had been able to find footing and face them.' He turned his head and kissed Sunny's cheek.

'Rabbit, look what we HAVE done. Our family stands against them. More of Redbull faces them than ANY other stable. All of us are going to be free. Then we will organize our own herds.' Sunshine nuzzled his nose against Rabbit's cheek. Rabbit could feel the warm moisture from his breath. 'We have seen the end of them, in our life, we will see our herds standing under the sun. All together under the sun.'

Rabbit shivered and tears came to his eyes. 'I trust you. I always wanted to trust you. I got out of the habit of thinking I could. I was bad, disobedient. You couldn't learn your place with my subversion. I'm sorry I didn't let the herd trust you. I'm sorry I made them choose. I should have been a strong second stallion for you. We could have done anything.'

Sunny closed his eyes. Rabbit could feel Sunny's long eyelashes brush his cheek. He moaned softly and pulled Rabbit farther into his mind. 'I just wanted you to love me back,' he whimpered.

The emotion spread through Rabbit and he opened another layer of himself to Sunny in return. 'I always loved you.' He gave Sunny a taste of the love he had always felt for him, had tried to hold back with a wall of hatred, but no hatred can burn without being fueled by pain, and there were few beings who could have hurt Rabbit as deeply as Sunny, because Sunny really MATTERED to Rabbit. 'Please, Sunny?' he whispered. 'Please, my stallion?' He had been waiting for years to call him that and be able to mean it.

'Of course.' Sunny reached into the deepest part of Rabbit and took what Rabbit had guarded so long, to offer him.

The exchange was so different with no sexual intimacy to share. Rabbit looked up at his own face through Sunshine's eyes. He rested his borrowed chin on his body's shoulder and smiled.

Sunny looked down at Rabbit's body. 'There is so much of you,' he laughed. 'You must be very graceful to keep from tripping.'

Rabbit held him tightly. 'Sunny.' He whispered, 'Something hurts.'

Sunshine nodded. 'Don't worry, it will not come back to this body with you.'

'This is normal?'

'No, but it is the way things are.'

'How do you do it?' Rabbit wanted to scream, it hurt so bad.

Sunshine stroked Rabbits hands over the face Rabbit was currently wearing. 'I try to make the right decisions. It will only get worse. Come back to yourself, now, loved one.'

Rabbit had never experienced an exchanged being turned off. Every time he had shared it, they had both been so desperate to hold onto it that it had worn off. He snapped back into his own body with a twang. They sat together for a long time in peaceful silence. Like they both always wanted.


	25. Chapter 25

Finding Out  
Schumacher Farm in Romania- 2016

 

Shoe had condensed months, maybe years, of therapy into a single afternoon session, making changes that would allow Sunshine and Sebastian to see things they’d never seen.

They’d slept for a day to recover.

Sebastian sat with his knees up and his arms around his legs. The things they had done to Sunny. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands, trying to push the memories away. Sunny was sitting on the edge of the bed, motionless. The afternoon sun was streaming in on him from the high window.

[Pilot always was a lot like you,] Sebastian started.

Sunny looked at him dully. Maybe he still wasn't awake all the way. They’d slept hard after Shoe made them remember. Sebastian had woken up with Sunny pedaling like he was trying to get through Sebastian to the other side of the bed. Or like he couldn’t get enough comfort.

They’d exchanged and laid side by side and Sebastian had given Sunshine as much of a reprieve from the constant pain as he could stand.

[Please explain to me,] Sunny said, slowly, [In ways I can understand,] He continued, [How babies are made.]

He wasn’t too clear on that himself right now. And from what he’d seen, from what Sunshine remembered, he wasn't clear on how this had been done.

[Your cells have your DNA in them.]

Sunny shook his head. [I don’t know what “cell” and “DNA” means.]

Sebastian started again. [When you mate with a mare, you leave your sperm inside of her, to meet her eggs.]

Sunny put his hand on his face. [I don't know what this word is. “Sperm.”] He was getting frustrated.

Sebastian backed it down several notches. Fucking stables. [Your cum is fully of tiny, tiny...things. They have instructions for a mare’s body to build every part of a baby Racing Driver that is just exactly like you. Since there cannot be another you, the tiny things team up with some other tiny things in the mare that know how to make a baby like her.]

Sunshine moaned.

[Then they make a baby with some parts that are like you and some like her. Maybe her hair and your eyes and her height and your intelligence. It is different every time.]

He seemed to understand this. [So how was it different that time?]

Sebastian took a deep breath. [They took the tiny things from you and instead of putting them in a mare to team up with her tiny things, they teamed them up with someone else’s tiny things, I don’t know how, I didn’t know they could do that. Then they took away the mare’s things and put the already teamed up things in her, and her body built the babies.]

Sunny’s face twisted up in confusion.

Sebastian didn't know how to explain petri dish babies and in-vitro fertilization to Sunshine. Whose knowledge of biology was only fractionally more advanced than a game of head/shoulders/knees/toes. He didn’t even understand it.

[Who?] He asked.

That was, if possible, where it got really weird.

[Jato. He was a champion when you were little.]

[Shoe said he died...how…how did they…?] He shuddered visibly and tears came to his eyes. His hands started to flap in the overwhelmed, visible expression that preceded crying. 

Sebastian hugged him. [No, love, they had some stored. Kept safe somewhere, waiting. They used that.]

[Why?] Sunshine sobbed. He put his face on Sebastian’s shoulder.

Sebastian felt so sorry. Sunshine of all people knew why. Because humans would try all sorts of things to get fast Racing Drivers.

And Pilot, Pilot was fast.

[Why couldn’t they just wait?] Sunshine’s gestures really weren’t coherent, but Sebastian picked the intent out of Sunny’s mind. [He would have been just as wonderful if they’d waited until I was old enough to STUD.]

That was the other worst part.

Sunny had no concept of how old he’d been, other than small.

Sebastian could compare the memories to an ability to do math and realize that Pilot being born in 1994 meant what they’d done to his sweet Sunshine, they’d done to a child. Sunny was a little younger than Sebastian, and Pilot was a lot older than Max.

He wondered momentarily is Max had been born on time, but another 3 years would still have Sunny too young to have this done to him.

He shouldn’t have even been viable.

Or maybe it was different with a species with a shorter life span.

Pilot was a lot like Sunny. Pilot was out there somewhere. With his Max, in the bus, or the barn, or maybe even talking to Shoe.

‘He is walking, with Max.’

Sebastian was going to have to look Max in the face after this.

Pilot’s match.

Sunny’s son’s match.

He’d been prepared for the eventuality that he would see Sunny’s foals. Sunny had been on stud trips since they’d been matched, and more often after his championship.

7 years behind them was too small a difference.

Nature never intended this.

IVF taken to extremes. Some sort of two donor cloning. Some sort of abomination.

The process, not the colt that had resulted.

The colt was a lovely, brave, intelligent little being. Sebastian had been aggravated about Max and Pilot’s resistance to his help last season, but he hadn’t known all the facts, and he had never stopped adoring and rooting for Pilot and his career. He just objected to the way Max went about it. Pushing too hard.

Had he known, somehow that Pilot was Sunny’s? Well, all that mattered was they were here, now. Sunny’s baby. 

One of a set.

With some vague explanation that the other one hadn't survived to adulthood. That was common, it was understandable. The FIA had killed Sunny’s child, and Sebastian and Sunny and the Grand Tour Crew had killed the FIA.

It was justice.

Or close enough.

As close as they would ever, ever get.

There would be trials. Jeremy had promised him, he could be there when the evidence he had patiently collected was brought against the companies. The bastards who’d done this.

To all of them.


	26. Chapter 26

Mercedes/McLaren/Manor Temporary Stable (Code name: The North Pole)- 2016

 

The North Pole had a well developed radio room. Jeremy had spent the last three months communicating with the world from a tent crammed with broadcasting equipment, and most of his life around broadcasters, computer guys, sound guys, radio guys. If there wasn't at least one old cup of coffee with mould growing in it, it wasn't a place where broadcasters spent time. Richard turned and nodded at Jeremy.

"Backup is on it's way, mate." He smiled through his goatee.

[Call them in, please,] Jeremy gestured to Silence.

Richard flicked the open transmission switch on the radio.

In a few moments, Kimi and Jaamies appeared at the door to the room. Kimi looked wary, as had since they first arrived.

"Kimi, Jaamies. We've called in some backup. Turns out the redistribution of assets when," he still had a hard time saying it, even months on, 'When Williams didn't make it, was a bit uneven. The Central European Racing Refugee Arena has more than their fair share of Champions."

A muscle twitched under Kimi's eye.

"The point is, we've reassigned a few of them, and some extra hands to help. They'll be here in an hour or so. Which, for our purposes, is excellent. The camp's evacuations will be finished in two or three days. Richard, Mindy and the backups can take care of what's left. I am going to meet some of the Grand Tour agents to present our evidence to the UN."

"They already declared Racing Drivers an intelligent species," Kimi said.

"Yes, but now there are criminal charges pending against the people responsible." He crossed his arms.

Kimi nodded. "Good."

"I want you to come with me today, to present evidence. To testify against FIA."

Jaamies looked at Kimi, who shook his head. "I'm not a Grand Tour agent."

"There will be Grand Tour agents there who might want to see you, though. To know you're alright." Jeremy could FEEL Richard's smug smirking behind him.

"There isn't anyone I want to see." Kimi shook his head and turned to go.

Richard sighed loudly. "Do you hear that? No one he wants to see." He clicked the radio transmitter to receive.

A voice came through, from the person who had been listening to this conversation from thousands of miles away. "Aww, Kimi."

Kimi whipped around. Jaamies pushed past him to the radio, revving.

"What about Jaamies, isn't there anyone he wants to see?" Said the voice. There was a rev from somewhere on the other side, a Racing Driver on the other side of the transmission.

"Sebi." Kimi stepped back into the room.

Jaamies pushed at Richard, [Tell him I'm here.]

Richard pushed transmit and nodded at Jaamies. [They can hear you.]

Jaamies let out a series of mechanical noises.

"Sebastian. Where are you?"

"Sunny, Shoe and I are at the Rock. We're going to Versailles before the trials start. Are you coming, Kimi?"

Sunshine's voice answered Jaamies in revs and engine noises.

"Safe?"

"Yes, we're safe."

"We're coming today, Sebastian."

"Okay. Sunshine says… he says Jaamies better be the one driving."

Kimi laughed and translated this to Jaamies, who didn't take it as a joke and nodded solemnly.

"Shoe says he's looking forward to seeing you all again," Sebastian said.

"He is alright?"

"Yes, he's alright. That trick Jaamies showed Sunshine worked wonders. Kimi, so much has happened. I'll tell you when we get there." His voice sounded less happy, suddenly. "I'll talk to you about it when I see you. We have to go, we're leaving soon. "We'll see you soon. Sunshine says goodbye." There was a noise to confirm this.

Jaamies made the noise back, sadly.

"Bye,” Kimi said.

Richard clicked off the radio. "Sounds like you're going, after all, eh?"

Kimi snorted. "I guess."

He led his Racing Driver away.

The delegation from the SARAH camp arrived only a few hours later. Richard, Mindy and Jenson would be able to walk them through procedures, so there was no need for Jeremy, Jaamies and Kimi to stick around.

When the cars pulled up, Casey Stoner and Nicky Hayden got out of the first one, Casey getting out and shaking hands with Kimi, patting him on the shoulder.

"Glad to see you, Kimster. Fluttering in the Wind asked us to tell you how much he's missed you." Casey kept shaking Kimi's hand the whole time he said this. "Fast Breakaway told me to tell Jaamies next time they race he will win, because he has learned to kickflip."

Kimi actually smiled.

Break translated this for Jaamies as the men spoke. Kentucky nodded along.

The group from the second car, Cal Crutchlow, his Racing Rider, Mackenzie, and the two Espergaros Aleix and Pol and their two Racing Riders, Laser and Shoreline approached Jeremy and Richard and greeted them.

Kimi stared in silence at Shoreline, who seemed to be the spokesman for the 3 younger Racing Riders. There was some discussion, in which Break, Kentucky and Jaamies took part, which had the men casting only cursory glances at their Racers, but which seemed very all consuming for those involved in the discussion. In the end, Kimi looked at Mackenzie, who put two thumbs up and grinned hugely.

[Alright, as long as everyone is alright with where they are. If you have any problems...] Kimi started.

[If we have any problems, there are two Trainers here who actually have quite a bit of experience between them,] Nicky told him. [Don't worry, we've been doing this for awhile, too. Just because we aren't listed as Master Trainers like you doesn't mean we don't know what we're doing.]

Kimi nodded, slowly.

Jeremy's eyebrows raised. He looked at Richard. To become a master, a Trainer had to be acknowledged by 3 other master Trainers and be approved by special dispensation from FIA. It meant Kimi was licensed to run an actual stable, not just keep Racing Drivers at his house.

Richard shrugged. He hadn't known, either.

Jeremy, Kimi and Jaamies said their goodbyes and went to the car. "Would you like to drive?" Jeremy asked Kimi?

Kimi shrugged. "I'm the only not a professional driver, here. He can't drive roads." He waved a hand at Jaamies.

So Jeremy got in the driver's seat, feeling incredibly self conscious about chauffeuring an F1 World Champion. Jaamies was sitting in the back seat, watching the road, but not commenting on Jeremy's performance. Kimi was staring out the window of the passenger seat, not paying any attention. He reminded himself that, as Kimi said, he was a professional driver, and got down to the business of driving them across Europe, in the quickest time, with the least amount of legal trouble.


	27. Chapter 27

Versailles, FIA Trials- 2017

 

Jeremy talked a lot. He didn't even seem to mind that Kimi didn't talk back. He was easy to listen to, which Kimi didn't mind. It was easy to block out people talking by this time. In fact, it was nice to just listen to someone giving him their opinions, rather than asking anything from him. That was part of the reason he got along with Sebastian so well. Jeremy didn't tell him about how hard it was to get along at the stable, or ask him what to do about his match using derogatory terms for Racing Drivers, or cry to him about how marginalized he felt in comparison to his teammate. In fact, listening to Jeremy talk was easier than just about any conversation he'd ever had with any Racing Driver. It was enjoyable, listening to the soothing, rhythmic voice. When they arrived, Kimi found he'd had a great trip.

He could have found their destination even without the GPS directing him. From the outskirts of the city, he had a thickness in the mental air. Jaamies had sat progressively straighter as they closed the distance. 'He's here.' Was all he said. Kimi had forgotten what it was like being in Shoe's range. He felt like he'd had a big gulp of coffee and the caffeine was just dropping into his bloodstream.

Partway across town, a smile of delight came across Jaamies' face. Jeremy turned from the passenger seat to look at him. [Sunny!] He told the human.

They got out of the car outside an office building in Versailles. Rabbit, and one or two others, lost in the wash of greater presences were inside with Shoe and Sunny.

Jeremy led them to the upstairs office the law firm had rented. The firm that was representing the Grand Tour and the Racing Drivers. Bring charges against the FIA.

"Mr. Clarkson, there is a meeting going on in the conference room." The receptionist greeted them, with directions. "Would you like a coffee or some water?" She was gesturing. Not sophisticated gestures, not incredibly fluent, but fluent enough that Jaamies nodded eagerly and asked her for a mocha. Kimi did have to translate mocha for her, it was far from a common gesture.

He thought about whether he should stop Jaamies from drinking mocha. He would help himself to the larger portion of the drink. After months eating greens, more than a few mouthfuls of mocha would make Jaamies incredibly sick.

They went into the conference room. At the head of the table the producer of first Top Gear, and then the Grand Tour, Andy Wilman, and one of the lawyers were leaned over a spread of files. One wall was covered in boxes. Mark was translating for Rabbit, who was explaining euthanasia procedures at Redbull to a frowning group of young lawyers. Stig was standing against a wall and jutted his chin at them when they came in. Sunny jumped up and hugged Kimi, then wrapped his arms around Jaamies and started telling him everything that had happened since they'd last seen each other. 

Sebastian clapped Jaamies on the shoulder, and then shook Kimi's hand. His face was a little drawn.

Sunny drew Jaamies out of the room. Kimi watched them go, still being shaken by the hand. A moment later the receptionist came in and held out the mocha to Kimi. He nodded at her and accepted the drink in his free hand.

Jeremy had moved right to Andy's side and into the discussion.

Sebastian's face was red with emotion. "I heard how hard it's been. I'm glad you're safe." He lowered his voice, "We have to talk."

The door opened again. "Mr Wilman, the judge called. They want anyone pertinent to the case down at the courthouse. Also, Mr Raikkonen and the young men from Redbull just got back. They're in the lecture hall downstairs."

Kimi looked around. What?

Sebastian brightened up. "Rami is back. That must be where Sunny went."

"What?"

"Rami got here yesterday. Most of the GTC is busy with the lawyers, so someone needed to come help the Racing Drivers. He and Elava got flown in from Honda. He knew you were going to be here."

Kimi was suddenly incredibly homesick for his brother.

"Come on, let's go. These guys don't need me here. All my files are very self-explanatory.” Sebastian waved at Kimi to follow him out of the room.

"That's because you're keeping all the important stuff in your head," Mark quipped.

Sebastian rolled his eyes and led Kimi down the stairs, running down two at a time, until he saw Kimi was following at a more sedate pace, then he stopped. His eyes took Kimi's body in for the first time. "Are you alright?"

"Yes. Lots more hard work than I am used to."

Sebastian held his hand out to him. "Were… were you alright, after I left? I knew once they knew what you can do, you would be safe."

Kimi reached out to take Sebastian's hand. "I am alright."

Sebastian took one step backwards down the steps for each of Kimi's. "You move like you are hurt."

"I am just tired."

"Jaamies beefed up. You look thin."

Kimi smiled at that. "Jaamies always wanted more muscle. We are too tall to put on too much, for the car."

Sebastian smiled back. "When did you figure out that I knew?"

"I suspected the first time you told me you felt left out when the four of us were together. It was probably 2008. The first time I knew for certain was the day the soldiers came."

"Because you pushed all the unmatched Racing Drivers."

Kimi shook his head. "Because you came out of the house, I called to you and you asked me how I knew it was you and not Jaamies. You know I could tell if it was Jaamies. It would be normal to ask why I didn't think you were Sunshine, but if you asked me that, I might answer."

They came out of the stairwell and there was an open door to a small auditorium. There were voices inside and Kimi could feel more Racing Drivers.

Sebastian held him back, "We really need to talk when we get some time."

"Kimi!?" Rami rushed out of the door to the auditorium and hugged his little brother. "No one knew what was going on. The guys at the camp wouldn't tell us WHERE anyone else was, just if they were safe or not. They said you were, but then there was that broadcast about what happened at Ferrari, and you and Jaamies weren't there! No one bothered to tell me you were at McLaren." He hugged his brother again.

Kimi dug his fingers into Rami's shirt, feeling his muscles through his shirt with the pads of his fingers and feeling enveloped and safe. How many times had he consoled himself that Honda was one of the most responsible stables? He'd trusted that there were enough champions in the stable Rami had been taken to, so Rami wouldn't have to struggle, like Stoffel had struggled, like to a greater extent, Jenson and Kimi had struggled. He hoped there hadn't been deaths at Honda. That Rami wouldn't have had to endure that. The fabric of Rami's shirt was soft and cool, and Kimi closed his eyes. Rami was almost as safe as Jaamies. Hadn't they, too, always been a part of each other? The two boys who were always together?

Another group of people exited the stairwell. Jeremy and the GTC who had been in the conference room. "The judge wants us all down at the courthouse," Andy announced.

In the shuffle of getting to the cars, and for some reason the Redbull boys had a bus, Kimi ended up in a car with Rami, Elava and Daniil Kvyat, who kept grinning at him knowingly and nodding. When they arrived at the courthouse, he was called to sit in the main auditorium, while Rami was called to sit upstairs. Kimi looked around. 

There were a huge number of people here, and camera patched live feeds to other rooms full of people. He saw Mika and Sabine, and the two medic Trainers who worked with them at the Nurburgring, Markus had been his year-mate at McLaren, and he couldn't remember the other guy. 

He saw a lot more handlers here he recognized and wouldn't have thought would be interested in testifying for FIA. To his right, about halfway up the aisle, Kimi liked to sit in back because it was less likely he would be called on, was that bastard who'd scarred Jaamies at the McLaren stable when he was a kid. Trainers and handlers had to do a lot of awful things, but torturing kids wasn't one of them. He saw a lot of guys he'd seen do things like that. They were close to the Ferrari stable, a lot of the handlers here had worked at Ferrari. The rest were from Renault, which he didn't know well.

Mika and the other Nurburgring handlers were getting quiet sneers. Kimi had been buffeted on the shoulder and shaken hands with, and generally treated like a celebrity. He was beginning to suspect it wasn't because these guys were Tifosi.

The judge's first words confirmed his growing theory. "The proposition to take all FIA registered trainers and handlers not partnered with individual Racing Drivers, who did not openly support the Grand Tour, into custody while their cases are investigated has been accepted. Action will be taken immediately. The bailiffs with take the suspects into custody." The courtroom doors opened and law enforcement officers streamed in. They were armed with riot gear, and the men sitting in the seats were trapped and considering everything, it was surprising there wasn't a riot regardless, but everyone went pretty peacefully.

When the man came to Kimi with the cuffs, Kimi allowed himself to be restrained. He couldn't force himself to look up into the balcony seating, where Jaamies, Rami, Sebastian and Sunshine would be watching his arrest for the crimes he had committed. Part of him was angry this was happening again. But being singled out and left behind while your other self was taken, and being arrested for things you had done, among a group of other men who had done similar, and worse. Somehow, Kimi found himself smiling. FIA was getting punished. All the pain all the Racing Drivers had gone through, was being paid back, right here, and right now. He felt purely justified.


	28. Chapter 28

Balcony  
NATO Courthouse, Versailles, FIA Trials- 2017

 

Quietly Sebastian took a seat on the balcony, next to a man he had seen a couple of times at Kimi’s. Rami nodded and leaned back slightly to allow Sebastian to acknowledge the two Racing Drivers sitting on his other side. Sunshine rushed in front of them to go sit with Jaamies. Someone was missing though.

“Where’s Kimi?” Rami leaned forward and pointed over the railing at the main room the floor below.

“They insisted he’d go sit there. Only him. Something about questioning the humans today.”

“But not you? Or me?”

Rami shook his head. He didn’t like the thought any more than Sebastian did. Important men kept talking downstairs, no one had called Kimi, or any other match Sebastian saw sitting down there, forward. He leaned backwards and reached out to talk with Sunny. After a while Rami poked him with disgusted look on his face and nodded towards the action.

“Proposition to take all trainers, who did not openly support the Grand Tour, into custody while their cases are being investigated, has been accepted, taking action immediately.” Sebastian looked at Rami.

“So? The trainers should be put behind bars!” Rami shook his head.

“Sebastian, they said all trainers. It means,” Rami gulped, “it means they are taking Kimi.” Sebastian’s eyes widened in horror. He jumped up and leaned over the railing, screaming furiously.

“You can’t do this!”

Beneath him the rows filled with trainers had already stood up in objection. All, except one. One who was staring into space, giving words of courage and wisdom to his Racing Driver sitting upstairs. One who went with the police without putting up resistance. One who had been expecting this to happen. One who told Jaamies to take good care of his big brother while he was gone.

Jaamies turned to look at Rami.

[Don’t worry, I will take good care of you!]


	29. Chapter 29

Grand Tour Crew headquarters, Versailles, FIA Trials- 2017

Mark’s water bottle burst against the far wall of the conference room. “What do you MEAN they’re prosecuting Kimi?!”

All the handlers they had been able to find had been arrested. In the course of the investigation, every Trainer had been arrested as well. Those who were allies of the Grand Tour were quickly cleared by the evidence.

Mostly.

“The prosecution has decided he is their best chance to make an example of the FIA agents.” Jeremy said slowly, unconsciously touching one hand with the other in the apology gesture. The rest of the men in the conference room at the offices the GTC had rented for these procedures were silent. Andy, Richard and James stood behind Jeremy. Richard and James looked angry. Andy looked resigned.

“Why?!” Mark barked.

“He’s the highest ranked FIA official we have.”

“He’s just a match?” Ben Collins asked.

Jeremy shook his head. “He has a Master Trainer’s license. Like a stable manager. Mostly it’s because he’s a big name. He will get attention.”

Mark looked at Sebastian to see why he wasn’t standing at Mark’s side, raging with him. The boy was sitting at the conference table. His arms were crossed and he was frowning.

“When we FIND the stable managers and the team principals and the governors of FIA, then we’ll have someone who is actually responsible. They’ll let him go if they have someone it will actually serve justice to prosecute.” Richard said, uncharacteristically quiet.

[What?] Mark gestured at Sebastian.

Sebastian gave a sharp head shake, he patted the table.

Don’t ask? Why wasn’t he angry his best friend was being blamed for all the evil FIA had done? Kimi, the one who had guarded the Racing Drivers with his every waking moment, was going to be the face of evil, if the prosecution had their way.

“What progress are we making, finding the FIA governors?” Valentino Rossi asked. He was the only man in the room who had his Racer with him, other than the Stig, standing quietly in the corner like a piece of statuary.

Mark shook his head. They had been working with the team of lawyers who would be prosecuting the FIA agents. He had brought them evidence and discussed it with them, gone over strategy. He’d gotten to know them. They were extremely supportive of the GTC’s cause. They were encouraging about their efforts to seek justice. Mark felt friendly towards them.

They had made it clear they were going to expose the torture the Racing Drivers experienced at the hands of the handlers and the Trainers.

Not Kimi.

Kimi would never hurt a Racing Driver.

“We have a team out looking for them. They left shortly after the broadcast. When we realized the heads of the FIA had all disappeared.” Andy said.

Mark KNEW Sebastian trusted Kimi. He’d been his friend since the minute he got to F1. They were almost comically close. Why wasn’t he angry for Kimi? Why wasn’t he scared?

“Since November? Has been months. What progress have they reported?” Fernando asked.

Champion Racing Drivers lived on planning. Sunshine and Sebastian were big champions. Maybe he had accepted the information and was moving on to what needed to be done next, instead of being upset at what had already happened.

“We haven’t actually heard from any of the team since November.”

Mark looked up at that. “You haven’t heard from the guys you sent after the big fish?” He thought of something. He and Rabbit’s herd had met with the Redbull boys, shortly after Grand Tour Day, when the first broadcast had gone online. They had stayed at a small farm in Romania.

While they were there, Daniil Kvyat had inexplicably come across Valtteri Bottas and his Racing Driver in a field outside the farm. He’d said he was going to make sure the people responsible for wiping out the population of the Williams’ stable paid. That had been at the beginning of December. If Valtteri and Pauli were involved in the team, Mark had a very good idea of who else was involved. In fact, he hadn’t seen Max Chilton and Freeza around, even though he KNEW they were in the upper echelon of the Grand Tour Crew’s hierarchy.

“You haven’t heard from Valtteri and the other Grand Tour stallions? You know we saw Valtteri in Romania. Was that the last time anyone saw any of them?”

“THAT was the team you sent after FIA?!” Valentino demanded. “None of them have even won anything! You know the herd at the FIA headquarters stable has Racers who can do...TERRIBLE things, and you sent rookies after them?”

“Xerxes won the Indy 500 last year,” Sebastian said, quietly.

Valentino turned to him and flapped his arms once.

Mark made a mental note to pursue the information that there was a herd at the FIA headquarters. Where had they gone? Valentino was a stable owner, even higher on FIA’s roster than Kimi. He was undeniably a Grand Tour supporter, though.

They argued and tried to figure out what to do for hours. In the end, there was nothing they could do.

The prosecution needed a face to the FIA. Kimi was the highest FIA official who hadn’t supported the Grand Tour. If they let him go, their case against the thousands of other handlers fell apart.


	30. Chapter 30

NATO Courthouse, Versailles, FIA Trials- 2017

 

It was a stone courthouse in Versailles, nowhere that seemed important. The place municipal court took place. It had been chosen because the United Nations wanted to keep the media presence on these hearings under control. Minimal media was invited. The proceedings were limited access. The grounds were limited access.

Mark sat in the back row of the gallery and watched the 5th medical expert of the day explain that all the Racing Drivers he'd seen showed signs of long term, systematic abuse. He hadn't been there for the first four. He'd been discussing boxes of evidence with the legal team.

[This is so boring. What is he even talking about?] Rabbit complained. He was watching the man that was interpreting into gestures, and though it was in his language it was still dry and pedantic information. [Of course we've been hurt. You just have to see the stables work to know that, and- what are you DOING?]

He turned and looked at Mark, who had a handful of peanuts and was cracking them and sucking all the salt off. He didn't feel like eating the peanuts, he was just stressed out by the proceedings and the fleets of lawyers, so when the salt was gone he was spitting the peanuts back into the bag they'd come in.

[Thought I'd wait until they dried out again and then offer them to opposing counsel.] Mark let another cracked peanut fall from his mouth into the bag.

Rabbit grimaced his horrified disgust. [You are a monster.]

[The salt is the best part anyway,] Mark gestured. He sucked on another cracked peanut. [And they're defending the FIA for money. They deserve everything they get.]

Rabbit looked at him a moment longer. [Which ones are the good ones?]

Mark passed him some unused peanuts to pop into his mouth.

They watched the proceedings.


	31. Chapter 31

NATO Temporary Incarceration Facility- 2017

 

[You don't look good in orange. Why won't the men let you wear white?] Jaamies was leaning casually against the bars of the cell, moving his face this way and that in response to Kimi's stroking his neck.

[To tell I'm trapped,] Kimi gestured with his other hand.

[You are in the cage. They cannot see you are trapped?] Jaamies opened his eyes to glare at the man in the cell next to Kimi's. He was big, well over 6 feet. He'd been a handler at McLaren. He'd given Jaamies the scar on his wrist that Kimi had to pass off as surgery after a snowmobile accident. He'd done it with a spoon handle heated on a propane torch until it glowed. Jaamies had been about 14 at the time.

"Just like the rest of us, Raikkonen, even after all your playing that you were better, you're going down with the rest of us "handler scum,"" he laughed. He performed rudimentary gestures along with his words. "Life in prison won't be so sweet for you." There was a chorus of hooting.

Jaamies hissed at him, Kimi pointed at him with the hand that had been gesturing, [Don't look at him. Look at me.] The pale blonde dragged his eyes off the handler and turned his dollar bill green stare at Kimi. [Are you taking care of Sebastian and Sunshine?]

[I want to take care of you,] he pouted.

[I need you to take care of them. So I don't have to worry about them, while I'm in here.] He ruffled his Racing Driver's hair. He frowned a little. Jaamies had put on so much muscle while they were at the refugee camp. Kimi had slimmed down quite a bit. [Ask them to work out with you? I bet Sebastian is spending all his time eating pasta?]

[It is GOOD.] Jaamies laughed.

Kimi patted Jaamies' taught belly. [Remember how hard to you wanted this. Don't spoil all that hard work you did at the North Pole.]

Jaamies flexed an impressive bicep. [I am not letting this go.]

[Good, now we have to talk about the plan.] Kimi cupped his hand behind his other self's head. [I'm going to be away from you for...a long time.] He breathed. He did not tell Jaamies that the 30 years in prison would keep Kimi long past a Racing Driver's most extreme life expectancy. [You can't be alone all that time. I talked to Rami. I need you to make a connection with him.]

There was a little gasp from Jaamies' escort. Kimi didn't look.

[If I'm going to connect with someone, can't it be Sebastian?]

The muscles around Kimi's eyes tensed. If Jaamies wasn't fighting him on this, he KNEW Kimi would be a long time. [No. Sebastian and Sunshine will still love you, but they need to figure out their bond. Rami and Elava have a stable bond, and they have room in their hearts for you. Don't fight me on this.]

[I'm free, now. That means I don't have to follow your decisions if I don't want to,] Jaamies looked at Kimi with puppy eyes, not really defiant. [It was rude of you to ask Rami first.] He reproached.

[I know.]

[I'll make a new connection, so I can talk to Rami, and I will take care of Sunshine and Sebastian, but only until you get back.]

Kimi clasped Jaamies to him through the bars. [Yes. It's just for a while.]

The guard at the end of the hallway yelled at him for being too close to the bars. Kimi stepped back to arm’s length. He squeezed Jaamies' shoulder.

[It's time to go, Jaamies.] The escort gestured. [Say goodbye to Kimi for now. We'll come back tomorrow.]

Jaamies nodded sadly. He risked the guard's wrath and darted forward and kissed Kimi on the cheek. There were catcalls and vomiting noises from the cells on either side. [Bye.] 

[Bye.] Kimi looked at Annie Neal as she guided his life away. "Anne. Take him to Rami, tell Rami he knows what he's to do."

Annie looked at him with wet eyes. "This could go your way, Kimi."

Kimi held his hands out to the sides.

On both sides of Kimi's cell, for 30 cells in either direction, the men who'd been arrested for being FIA handlers, who were facing life in prison for their part in torturing what had been acknowledged as a sentient species. For making careers of hurting Racing Drivers. There was another row of them below his cell, and another below that. And a matching set on the other side of the gallery. And another wing, and another, and another.

"It better not."

Kimi was being kept alone in his cell for now, but he knew his life would be worthless once the door was unlocked. Even if it wasn't, Jaamies only had another 15 or 20 years left. The handlers and the Trainers couldn't be allowed to get away with what they'd done. Kimi was widely regarded as one of FIA's foremost Trainers. One of the elite. None of the handlers or Trainers could be allowed to get away with what they'd done to the Racing Drivers.

"Goodbye, Kimi," She whispered.

"Goodbye, Annie." He stayed at the front of the cell, watching until Jaamies was out of the range of what he could feel. He ignored the insults and threats from the other handlers. They knew he wasn't like them. He was prepared for this. Hadn't he endured two decades worth of press conferences? He blanked his face like he'd been practicing his whole life and went and sat on the bunk. Stared at the far wall. The time for practice was over. It was time to be the Iceman for real now.


	32. Chapter 32

NATO Temporary Incarceration Facility- 2017

 

"Mark Webber and Fernando Alonso, and the kids from the Redbull teams have launched a war on all the FIA supporters." Rami crossed his arms.

"Another one?" Kimi leaned against the bars with a sigh.

"Well this one is more like petty vengeance. It started when that Verstappen kid snuck into the hotel where their experts are staying and left open cans of beef in the vents."

Kimi closed his eyes.

"So one of the executives from Renault had the bus booted."

Kimi grunted.

"Then the whole team broke into the Renault supporters cars and put Genesis CD's into all their CD players and stole the knobs and glued all the buttons, so their stereos were playing Genesis at full volume."

No response.

"The Renault guys tried to get the police to interfere, but they wouldn't have much to do with it, because there was no proof. After that they painted incendiary slogans on the Sauber supporters cars."

"The Sauber supporters, why?"

Rami smiled, he'd hoped this line of conversation would break through Kimi's ennui. "One of them posted a picture online that was supposed to be Dan and Daniil breaking into the cars. The police DID investigate then, but they investigated the picture. Turned out it was photoshopped. So that guy is ALSO facing charges of defamation of character."

Kimi quirked a smile.

"David Coulthard and Mark Webber talked all the paparazzi who usually follow the races to use their press badges to get into all the proceedings, and they're taking the most unflattering pictures they can of the defendants and their lawyers. Then the pictures are mysteriously showing up on social media sites, especially in Pro-Stig groups."

"They weaponized the paparazzi?" Mark was a vicious bastard.

"Yeah. Next time I come in, I'll print out some pictures to show you. They made me leave my mobile outside." He looked at the door, the smile fading from his face.

"Have they found the governors?"

"No one has seen any of them since the Broadcast went online. A couple of the administrators, paper men have been caught. No one who was really responsible for this has been caught."

They stood in silence for a moment.

"How are they?" Kimi murmured.

Rami nodded. "Jaamies said he would wait until after the trial to connect with me." He waited a moment after he said this, but there was no reaction, so he carried on, "Sebastian spends all his time with Shoe or that Verstappen kid."

Kimi looked up at this.

"I don't know why. They don't seem particularly friendly. Sunshine and whatever the other one's name is aren't clingy with each other like Racing Drivers who are on good terms. It's just every time I see Shoe at least one of them is with him, and half the time I see one of them away from Shoe, they're together."

He frowned.

"I'll see what I can find out," Rami assured him. "Jaamies is really subdued. He is sure you won't be in here for very long. I don't know how much to explain to him, Kimi. You need to talk to him and give him a clearer picture of what he can expect. You can't just tell him the plan is for him to come home with me. You think he won't notice in a year or two that you," Rami's voice quivered, "That you aren't coming back!" 

Rami shook his head "No. You don't worry about that, yet. We'll get to that when it's time. You don't need the pressure of worry about that, yet. You just focus on what's ahead of you. I will keep him safe. Elava and I will keep him working on things. I'm here to help you, and if keeping his mind off you, so you can keep your mind where it needs to be, is what will help you, I will give that everything I have." He reached through the bars and wrapped an arm around Kimi's shaking shoulders. "You don't have to worry about him. The whole community is looking out for him."

"What if it's not him I'm scared for?" His voice was so quiet, so bland.

"Hey long tailed duckling," Rami whispered. "Big brother duck has a big heart to take care of you," he sang into Kimi's ear. Kimi closed his eyes as Rami sang to him.

'Oh, Kimi,' Rami thought, 'I wish I could have protected you from this.'


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning- Accusation of rape (false)

Prison Angst  
NATO Temporary Incarceration Facility- 2017

 

Jaamies stepped into the visitation room for the first time. He hadn’t really been explained why, the men just said that Kimi’s new cell block didn’t take visitors. He could immediately sense that something was wrong, the room smelled wrong. Kimi was already sat at the table, handcuffed to it, for the first time during all the visits he’d had. His match kept his head bowed, not acknowledging the Racing Driver entering the room. Jaamies moved his gaze from the man’s head to his hands and growled. He could see blood, wounds and bruises on them. Kimi had fought, but with who and why?

‘Kimi, look at me,’ he sent, hoping that Kimi was listening, but he got no response. Jaamies fought against his fear, this time, just this once, he needed to be brave and stay calm, for Kimi.

‘Chin up,’ he sent again, this time packing his strength as a champion and as a stallion with the message. Kimi’s head popped up and Jaamies backed a few steps in horror. Of course he had seen this and worse in the stables, all Racing Drivers had, but that it happened to humans as well.

Humans like Kimi, good humans. Men being treated like animals. Beaten like animals. Suddenly the stench of blood felt ten times worse. His Kimi all bruised and cut and swollen. His Kimi in chains like a dangerous animal.

‘What happened?’ The thought was little more than a whisper.

‘Had an unhappy visitor,’ Kimi sent back after a moment of hesitation. They locked gazes in challenge and finally Kimi looked away first. That moment of weakness was all Jaamies needed to get past the walls in Kimi’s mind and find the fresh memories, burning red hot like the wounds on the man’s face. He touched them and watched.

Kimi lifted his head when he heard the once so familiar steps approaching. He fought hard to keep his hopes down, but when the voice, that belonged with the steps, spoke, he sprung up, happy to see his friend after such a long time.

“Sebastian!” Kimi said, and positioned himself at arm’s length from the bars of his cell. He looked at Sebastian’s once so happy face and his smile faltered. Sebastian looked grim and dangerous, calm before the storm that was fast approaching and-

“HOW COULD YOU?!”

He didn’t need to see more, he didn’t want to know the awful things Sebastian had yelled at Kimi. He progressed on to the next memory.

The food was bland at its best. Today, was not one of those days. Kimi moved his food back and forth on the tray absentmindedly, waiting for the lunch hour to end, allowing him to return to the relative safety of his cell.

“Looks like the little guy has some left!” a voice yelled. Kimi pushed his tray away, hoping that giving up the food he wasn’t going to eat anyway would make troublemakers go away. The tray was yanked up from the table and before he realized it hit the back of his head, causing his face to hit hard against the table.

“This is what we do to traitors around here.”

Before he realized it, he had jumped up, cleaned his bloody nose on his sleeve and lifted his arms, fists ready for a fight.

‘That’s enough! Get out of my head,’ Kimi protested the best he could. Jaamies calmly pushed him aside. In his current state Kimi couldn’t offer any real resistance to a colt, let alone a strong champion like Jaamies.

Jaamies could almost feel the Taser like it had hit him instead of Kimi, who, bloody and limp, was brutally dragged into solitary confinement. He returned to his own body, to this weird, metallic cage they called “visitation”. There were guards at each door and a camera in the corner was focused on the table Kimi was attached to. No gesturing would go unnoticed. This room wasn’t for visiting, this was for interrogating. Jaamies felt sick, he wanted to get out of this room and he wanted to take Kimi with him and keep him safe. He wanted to do for Kimi what Kimi had done for him all those years. Had done for all Racing Drivers. Kimi smiled softly at him and opened his arms a little. The handcuffs clattered. Jaamies almost ran around the table and gave Kimi a quick hug. The room filled with more clattering as Kimi moved his hands.

[Now go.]

Jaamies stepped out without looking back, savoring the physical contact as last memory from their meeting. 

He walked along the hallway, only quickly nodding to Rami and Elava waiting for their turn. He wanted to get out of this place, it was too much like the stables and he wanted to get out of Kimi’s range, disgusted in himself for what he had done. Hadn’t he himself been upset when Kimi forced him to act against his own will? And now he had done the same to Kimi, crushed a broken man with his strength. He needed to get out. Much to his surprise neither Rami nor Elava tried to stop him.

‘Wait at the car!’ Elava reminded him as he hurried through security and out to the carpark.

Jaamies pressed his hands against the car, it was Kimi’s Alfa Romeo, Rami had figured that it could fit all of them and was already in Switzerland so taking it was the easiest solution. He revved at the car, hoping it could give him answers or comfort, but the metal under his hands remained cold.

“You look awful!”

Kimi glared at Rami, but Rami could feel Elava wince as Kimi touched his mind to say hello.

“What happened to you?”

“I tripped.”

The woman, who had taken seat next to Rami without any invitation, leaned forward.

“Mr. Raikkonen, as your defence counsel, I’d suggest you tell me the truth,” she said. Her fake smile didn’t make Kimi particularly trust her. Rami cringed.

“Sorry, my brother doesn’t handle authorities well,” Rami said apologetically. He gently nudged Elava.

‘Ask him for me,’ he sent.

‘Told me to mind my own business,’ Elava responded, but something about his sending was off.

‘He isn’t strong. I could make him tell me.’ Rami considered this option for a while, but decided he had no right to violate his brother’s right to be a stubborn ass if he so wanted.

‘We can’t. It would be wrong,’ he sent and shook his head instinctively.

‘Didn’t stop Jaamies,’ Elava sent with light amusement and shared the memories he got from Jaamies with Rami. He felt anger grow inside him. Sebastian should know better. Rami fought hard to keep his facial expression at bay despite all the feelings storming inside him. He didn’t want Kimi to know that he knew just yet. Rami cleared his throat and looked at the lawyer.

“A word please? Outside.” The woman nodded and they got up, leaving Kimi and Elava in the room awkwardly avoiding each other’s gaze.

“He isn’t safe here. They want him dead, we need to get him out!” Rami whispered once it was just the two of them in the hallway.

“Mr. Raikkönen, your brother is under suspicion for serious crimes, we might be looking at-“  
Rami interrupted her by waving his hand.

“No I mean like could he change prisons or something? Preferably now?” The woman frowned.

“I don’t think so, the court has ruled the suspects to be kept here. We could try to get his case hurried, but I must warn you it could harm our defence.”

“I will not wait for my brother to die in here. Please, anything you could do would help,” he pleaded. The lawyer nodded again and silently they made their way back inside to explain the plan to Kimi.

\--

They found Jaamies sitting on the ground, back against the Giulietta’s door, head thumping against it rhythmically. With a sigh Rami crouched in front of him.

[Listen, we’ll try to get him out sooner than planned,] he gestured. Thump.

[He is strong. But you need to understand that he might not be able to go free,] Rami gestured with a worried frown. Thump.

[Please, you know what Kimi wants you to do.] Bang. Jaamies stopped moving his head.

[When is the hearing?]

[We don’t know yet. Not for a couple of weeks,] Rami answered, baffled by the Racing Driver’s sudden interest in things.

[I need to go.] Jaamies hopped up and started marching away from the car.

‘Where are you going?’ Elava transmitted Rami’s worry.

‘To sort things out.’

\--

‘Elava, could you find Sunshine for me, please?’ The Racing Driver nodded and concentrated, trying to feel if Sunny was within his modest rate. He sent an image of their hotel’s lobby to Rami.

‘He says he’s busy.’ Rami decided to not pry on what kind of hurries Sunshine could have at a time like this.

‘Is his man busy too?’

‘No.’

‘Ask him to send him up then.’

‘Is it ok if I go to my cupboard for a while?’ Rami looked at the standard hotel wardrobe they had. It could hardly be counted as a suitable sleeping cupboard for a Racing Driver but Elava hadn’t complained about it too much. Tourist business had a lot to learn about accommodating Racing Drivers.

‘I’d actually prefer if you did.’ Rami muffled a laugh as the Racing Driver crammed himself inside the closet.

There was a knock on the door. Rami quickly picked his key card and slid into the corridor, hoping to not disrupt Elava. Sebastian was standing behind the door with a puzzled look on his face. Rami laid the most judging gaze he possibly could on the German. He shook his head before speaking.

“You should know better.”

“Know better than what?”

“Than to put my brother in harm’s way,” Rami said, working hard to keep his voice level and his anger at bay. “You hear that Vettel. MY brother. You go anywhere near Kimi and you answer to ME.”

“What? I would never put Kimi in danger!” Sebastian answered and backed a little unconsciously.

“Then what was today about? Yelling his secrets where anyone could hear?” Sebastian looked mortified now. How could Rami possibly know? Unless-

“Rami, what happened?” Sebastian whispered the question out, desperation in his voice. Rami measured Sebastian up and down with disgusted expression on his face.

“You don’t want to see that,” Rami said and shook his head again. “But I do want you to understand that if you want him to live through this, then you control your tongue or face the consequences.” Rami turned to go back into his room. “I’m not the only one upset with you so I’d stay out of Jaamies' line of sight for a while if I were you.” He smiled menacingly at Sebastian and closed the door behind him.

\--

TW

The door clicked, but Sebastian didn’t turn to look. Only Sunshine had the key and he had felt the Racing Driver’s presence from the lobby. He had, however, not expected Sunny to come back with a friend. Jaamies stood there, at the door, staring at Sebastian accusingly, completely motionless. Sebastian averted the gaze, he didn’t need to get into a fight for dominance with Jaamies on top of everything.

‘He says he’s been staring you for ages, but since you are so deaf he had to come here for it to be effective,’ Sunshine explained.

‘Deaf how?’

‘You only hear me.’ It was true, of course. Like most matches, Sebastian could only hear his partner. Kimi was a rare exception as it had turned out after the Grand Tour.

‘Because you made me so.’

‘I did what I was taught to do.’ Sunny seemed slightly uncomfortable with this conversation, but Sebastian insisted on continuing.

‘Then why didn’t he do?’ Sunny shrugged.

‘He’s white.’ Sebastian stared at Sunny. He had no idea that that was supposed to mean in this context.

‘He does things his way.’ Sharp keening noise from the corner tricked Sebastian into looking at Jaamies and then quickly away. Damn. He should have stared back. Sunshine laughed. ‘No point fighting him. He is also stubborn.’

Sebastian looked at his phone’s clock. Jaamies had stared at him for two hours straight and showed no sign of tiredness. Sebastian had tried talking to him, but Jaamies had refused to give him any reaction whatsoever.

‘He really is stubborn,’ Sebastian thought about a new approach for a second, ‘Why don’t you go tickle him or something.’ Sunshine smiled. Or something. The Racing Driver stood up and approached Jaamies carefully and then just as he was ready to make his move, Jaamies opened his connection wide and hit him with all the knowledge, the images, the feelings he had welling inside him. Sunshine suddenly stopped in front of him. He turned around slowly, crossed his arms and stared at Sebastian, just as angry as Jaamies, but his anger was fire opposed to the cold, patient fury radiating from the white Racing Driver. Sebastian raised his hands in hope of getting answers this time and then froze for a second like he was in another world entirely. Jaamies' uncertainty must have leaked through and startled Sunshine because suddenly Sebastian seemed to return back to normal. He blinked. Jaamies saw Sebastian wiping his nose and starting to jump up. He had seen it before earlier that day, standing face to face with Kimi. Suddenly Jaamies had a very clear idea that whatever was going to happen next wouldn’t be good. He lunged forward and pushed Sebastian back down. He landed on the soft bed. Jaamies was standing in front of him, arms extended.

[You are hurting him,] he gestured at Sunshine, hoping that his fear wouldn’t leak through too much. Sebastian stared at him from the bed.

[Jaamies, it’s okay. I-]

[Don’t you dare speak to me,] Jaamies gestured without looking at Sebastian, instead trying to figure out what Sunshine was doing to his human. During those few seconds of hesitation Sebastian disappeared again.

[What did you do?] The Racing Drivers stared at Sebastian who was now curled on the bed. Whatever Sunshine had done, had taken Sebastian away from the world where Jaamies could communicate with him. The red shrugged.

[He’s going to feel the consequences of his actions.] The message was accompanied by the feeling of complete solitude and growing uncertainty. Jaamies gnawed on his lip, trying to decide whether to fight it. He remembered Kimi’s silent tears where he thought no one could hear him. Slowly he nodded.

[Now who do you think we should ask for help while your man lies there useless?]

‘Mark,’ Jaamies sent. It was the logical solution. Mark had contacts. Sunshine crossed his arms.

‘Don’t fight it. My man, my rules.’ Sunshine huffed, but didn’t object. Jaamies had let Sunshine do whatever he needed to do to Sebastian and now it was his turn to honour the code.

 

\--

_-blink-_

_Sebastian shifted from foot to foot until the door opened and the guard let him into the cell block. He had been on edge about seeing Kimi since the day he’d heard what he’d done to Pilot._

_They’d had no time to talk the day Kimi had arrived in Versailles. He had been TRYING to maintain his calm until he heard Kimi’s side of the story. He believed Kimi would never do anything to hurt the Racing Drivers, but the list of charges the prosecution had read was horrifying._

_Murder. They’d said Kimi had put down Racing Drivers. Kimi was a mass murderer, they said, and Kimi hadn't reacted. Kimi didn’t usually react MUCH but Sebastian knew him well enough to spot his moods even when he was in front of the cameras. He hadn't reacted. Like you wouldn’t react if someone told you what color shirt you were wearing._

_He walked down the corridor of cells. He didn't even see the other inmates or hear their derisive hoots._

_The way Kimi had hurt Pilot. When he KNEW Pilot couldn’t defend himself. What a fucking monster. What a fucking coward. Picking on someone who was even LESS able to fight back than the rest of the Pilots._

_Pilot was Sunshine’s friend, his blood, Sunshine’s colt. Sunshine would never challenge Kimi. This was something a man had to do._

_Kimi was standing near the bars of his cell. Beaming._

_He lined up a cutting denunciation._

_“HOW COULD YOU?!” He shrieked, instead._

_Kimi’s smile froze._

_“He was a KID. You taught him how to have sex and he was a kid!” Sebastian pointed at him._

_The confusion evident on his face made Sebastian even angrier. How often had this happened if he couldn't immediately identify what Sebastian meant?_

_Then his face turned. “Pilot needed help,” Kimi growled. “They rape them, Sebastian.”_

_“So you decided you should do it instead?” Sebastian screamed._

_“I SAID you wouldn't like what Trainers do!”_

_“You didn't say Trainers rape kids.”_

_Kimi shook his head. “You,” He stepped forward and pointed back at Sebastian. “You KNOW about stud trips. I OFFERED to get Sunny out of them and you said no, and he said no.”_

_“When did you ask Sunny?!”_

_“As soon as he was assigned to me.”_

_“You treated Sunny without me knowing? You were going to just go around me?”_

_“Trainers are not required to tell matches the prescribed treatment plan. They aren't even encouraged to.”_

_Sebastian’s mouth curled up and he shook his head. “Prescribed treatment plan. You just prescribed a little pre-studding sex? Fucking monster. You’re a fucking MONSTER Kimi Raikkonen. You made me TRUST you!”_

_Any time Sebastian had ever felt angry with Kimi, Kimi had always reached out and touched him, and just a touch had been enough to ground him. Make him take a deep breath, calm enough he could step back from the overwhelming emotion. Why wasn’t Kimi reaching for him now?_

_Why wasn’t Kimi telling him the secret, about how it was all a lie. About how somehow, Sebastian had terribly misunderstood._

_Kimi was good._

_So why wasn’t he reassuring Sebastian?_

_He was SCARED it was true, and Kimi wasn’t helping him._

_Kimi was supposed to help._

_He wasn’t, though. He’d been caught, and he wasn’t even bothering to hide who he was, anymore._

_If Kimi had done it...maybe it hadn’t been so bad? Maybe what he’d done had been right? It would be easier to believe that Kimi knew better, than to believe...Kimi was doing bad things._

_No!_

_There was no way raping Sunshine’s son was right._

_Sebastian and Sunshine had trusted him and he had betrayed them._

_Kimi was a monster._

_Sebastian would never stop fighting for what was right._

_Even if it wasn’t Kimi anymore._

_Sebastian turned and stormed back out the way he’d come, too enraged to see straight._

_-blink-_

_Sebastian shifted from foot to foot until the door opened and the guard let him into the cell block. He had been on edge about seeing Kimi since the day he’d heard what he’d done to Pilot..._


	34. Chapter 34

Support  
FIA Trials, Versailles- 2017

[It is not a stall. It is a cage,] Jaamies dropped into the Stig pose beside Sunshine, elbow to shoulder against him, with a sigh of defeat.

Annie stepped around their place by the door and spoke to the humans in the room. Mark put his hand on the small of her back. Jaamies looked at the ring he wore on that hand and thought about Kimi’s mate and child. They needed Kimi to be free and to be with them. Jaamies needed him.

They couldn't trade places, Jaamies always living trapped, and then just when he got free, Kimi living trapped. It was not right and he was not going to accept it.

He could feel a tentative touch at his mind. His attention went back to Sunshine. Moments together and then the steward’s determination building and the chaos afterwards. He had come here to find Sunshine. Left the North Pole to find Sunshine.

‘I missed you.’ He touched into Sunshine’s mind, beyond the public things Sunshine showed everyone, and felt the changes immediately. It was as though his mind was a garage and had been filled with a car and engineer’s equipment, but too much of it to walk around or get to anything, and now it was neat and clean and ready to use in a race. There was raw spots where old, broken things had been cut away. And there was a new area walled off.

‘Shoe has been talking to me about things, helping me,’ Sunshine told him. 

Jaamies smiled. There was something very new. ‘Jato?’ He asked. There had never been any particular fondness for, or interest in, the old Champion’s memory before, now there was a special place tucked aside where Sunshine thought of Jato almost as someone he had known.

Jato had lived at McLaren, when Jaamies was young. He was one of their great champions, even though he’d been born at Ferrari. One of the great alliances of the stables. Sunshine had never known him, any more than just his story, and that mostly because it crossed Shoe’s.

‘I was at Ferrari, the herd remembers him. Shoe and Professor and Rampant. They gave me a lot of stories, I have decided he will be special to me.’ He bounced on his toes, smiling. There was more to it than that, but there were other things to address, first.

‘You spoke to Rabbit?’

Tears came to Sunshine’s eyes, he nodded. He whispered, ‘Did you know he loves me?’

[Yes!] Jaamies gestured, breaking the pose and gathering the hurting little stallion into a hug. ‘Of course he loves you. He wanted nothing but for you to do well, of course he loves you.’

Sunshine grabbed up a handful of Jaamies' shirt. ‘Shoe loves me, Michael loved me, and Rabbit loves me. If only Mark loved me. I wanted Mark to…’ The sending broke apart into a confused mess of emotions, not really conflicting, but too poorly understood to convey.

Jaamies nodded. Every colt was desperate for their lead stallion to notice them, to think they were special. Every colt fantasized about their lead stallion mentoring them, revealing that he was their sire, and loving them. For Jaamies it had been a little different. McLaren’s greatest champion was his brother and he knew it.

And he had never had a reason to doubt that Lentaa loved him. He never wondered if Lentaa would mentor him. Jaamies grew up with the confidence conferred by having a close, loving relationship with the stallion he most respected.

He had seen everyone around him grow up with that uncertainty, though, and he had, like them, ACHED to have known his sire, a stallion who had died just after Jaamies was born, when Lentaa had barely been weaned. Neither of them had ever known him.

He had also had special attention from the actual lead stallion, Loup, and from Pretty Boy, both great McLaren champions. He was rich with stallions who had cared for him.

It was one thing he had always shared, to fill the ache in Sunshine’s heart. Sunshine knew which great stallion was his sire, and Shoe and Michael always made a special effort to care for Sunshine.

Rabbit, though. There was no one like your own lead stallion. The one who was always there, who was always working to protect your family, the one who congratulated you when you triumphed, and encouraged you when you suffered loss. The one whose lap times topped the record board. The standard held for you to meet.

And his man was the ideal among matches. What every match should be, because he was so close, worked so well, was one with your lead stallion and made him a champion. His man was the man you wanted for yourself.

And you wanted his man to look at you and see a strong stallion, and to teach your man to make you strong, and then someday you wanted to see the challenge in their eyes, when you start to become strong enough to equal them.

You do not want a lead stallion who is unmatched, who has no wins of his own, and whose lap times you can beat as an unmatched foal yourself.

You do not want to be held to measure against a standard you have already beaten. You do not want a lead stallion’s match whose challenging expression turns to hatred. Who instead of congratulating you, is disgusted by you.

Because a colt’s instinct is to work harder, to prove himself. To bring more wins, so his stallion, and his stallion’s man, the golden, shining ones, will love him.

But you don’t want to bring your lead stallion gold when he is holding silver.

You don't want the stable wresting leadership away from him and pushing it on you.

Everyone wants to dream of surpassing their lead stallion, but no one actually wants to see him fall.

To Jaamies it was hard to keep from telling Sunshine that Rabbit lost to him because Sunshine was the greatest. Rabbit was fast, but who could be expected to stand against Sunshine? How could Rabbit win, when Sunshine was so much faster than everyone on the grid?

Why don’t you understand that it is because you are the best?

You will be the best who ever lives.

How will you face it when someday you surpass Shoe as well?

He closed his eyes.

I am proud of you. I will celebrate your strength with you. I will scream with with you when you are the best, and I will be silent with you when you fail. 

[You are much bigger than you were,] Sunshine commented as Jaamies moved away from the hug. [I was afraid for you, when we left you behind.]

He touched the sore spot in Jaamies' mind.

Not enough sleep, hard work, loss of life.

‘It was too much work for one Trainer,’ Humans might have hidden the fact that Sunshine and Sebastian leaving caused deaths, but Jaamies was always, always honest with Sunshine, so Sunshine could always be honest with him, ‘They weren’t ready to keep the stallions apart.’ Jaamies could count, but Sunshine couldn’t. 39 wouldn’t mean anything to him. So, he showed him who they were.

He started with the youngest. ‘The first day, one of the unmatched stallions challenged Eco. He did as a good stallion should and diverted him, but he wouldn’t stop.’ He closed his eyes. ‘He demanded, and even if Eco had been willing to humiliate him, there was no arrangement for it, yet. He burned out, quickly. It got worse from there. The next burst something, and it took him the time of half a race before he died.’

It had gone on for 4 days. Eco, as the youngest of the team stallions, had been the target of most of the challenges, but Seven, and the other young stallions had all seen more than their share of death. Two of them had even challenged Sugarboy.

Eco and Seven had proved themselves lead stallion material.

After the first unmatched stallion suffered the stroke and died slowly, they learned to put down anyone who didn’t burn themselves out instantly. As far as the humans knew, the deaths had been complete and swift in themselves.

A lead stallion might have to put down a small handful of Racing Drivers over the length of their entire leadership.

The two youngest matched Racing Drivers had dealt with twice that, in the course of a weekend.

Seven had always been stoic.

Eco drifted, for a long time after that, before coming back to himself. Never quite the same as he was.

After he’d finished his list, Sunshine stayed still, absorbing and putting away the information. In the face of the freedom, terrible things had happened, and not everyone was able to walk under the sky like the Grand Tour had promised.

Kimi wasn’t under the sky.

Jaamies wasn’t going to let that stand.


	35. Chapter 35

Versailles, FIA Trials- 2017

 

A curious look made its way to Rabbit’s face.

‘We are getting visitors,’ Rabbit informed Mark. Visitors? This early? He jumped up from his bed, looking for clothes. Soon enough Rabbit got up and opened the door. Racing Drivers then, humans would have knocked first. And sure enough, the most unexpected visitors stepped in, Jaamies uncharacteristically awake for such an early morning and Sunshine sulking a step behind him, clearly not agreeing with Jaamies over whatever the White had planned.

[We,] Jaamies started and Sunny made a face at him, [as in Kimi and I need your help.] Mark quirked his eyebrow and urged the Stig to continue.

[I need to talk to matches. You know the men.] Jaamies, the most antisocial Racing Driver ever, wanted to talk to the humans?

[Why?] Mark asked.

[Because they need to be the voice for those who don’t have one.] Mark nodded. This was what he had been aiming for so long as well, but it didn’t answer the question about what Jaamies wanted them to say.

[Tell them to ask their stigs about Kimi. They will speak.] If Racing Drivers were going to receive nationalities, Jaamies in all his economical usage of explanations would deserve Finnish one among the first, Mark decided.

[Speak to who?]

[Judges. Kimi has the lady who says she’s going to get him out. He needs witnesses.] Mark assumed Racing Drivers didn’t have a gesture for lawyers.

[And the lady told you that?] Jaamies shook his head sadly.

[The lady can’t gesture. You can.] Oh. So they needed a translator. Mark sighed, he would have loved to help Kimi, Grand Tour owed him as much, but with his current workload as key witness against the entire FIA, he had no time for individual cases.

[I can’t be who you need me to be. I can try to help a bit though.] A shy smile spread on Jaamies' usually serious face.

[I need contacts. People from the stables he trained at. And someone to speak with the lady.] Mark scratched his head thoughtfully.

[Max and Pilot could get you started with Red Bull,] Mark gestured and then wrote down a room number. [You have Ferrari covered,] Mark gestured, mentally ticking of stables. Both Racing Drivers tensed and shared a quick look at each other.

[Sebastian is unavailable,] Sunny explained bluntly, indicating that he wasn’t willing to discuss the subject further.

[Kimi’s funny friend is Ferrari,] Jaamies gestured, excited about his own idea. [They went together to-] Jaamies struggled to find a gesture that would suit the image he had in mind and soon enough Rabbit sent Mark a messy image where Kimi and faceless men dressed in green carried guns like the Grand Tour men. It seemed neither Rabbit nor Jaamies had fully grasped the concept of being in the military. They were expecting him to find some army mate of Kimi’s who had a Racing Driver?

[I’ll look into it,] Mark promised despite being unsure if he could really find the time.

[Mika got out ages ago. He’d get McLaren in no time,] he continued and wrote himself a note to give Mika a call. [And that’s it!] Mark gestured, hoping to get soon on his way, he was already running late from his morning meeting with the lawyers.

[Wait!] Mark looked at Jaamies. One more stable?

[We’ve been consulting the riders ever since-] the Racing Driver stopped gesturing mid-sentence with a horrified look on his face. Mark was just about to reach for Rabbit when the Stig in question jumped up from the bed and stood in front of the white with a curious look on his face. They stared at each other for a good while until Rabbit threw his hands in the air and slumped on the bed again. Sunshine beamed over Jaamies' shoulder.

[He still kicks your ass!]

[Unfair. That’s it. Unfair.] Rabbit gestured to no one in particular, staring at the ceiling.

[What is going on?] Mark asked, surprised by the sudden turn of events. He was sent the feeling of car taking up air and a vehicle with not enough wheels. Motocross?

[He’s a rider. He’s not supposed to be here!] Rabbit look thoughtful for a second. [Why are you here?]

The next sending was one Rabbit could clearly resonate with, the unpleasantness and confusion of the previous message was gone now. It was like coming home.

[Kimi.]


	36. Chapter 36

Phone Calls  
Hotel in Versailles where the GTC supporters are staying- 2017

 

There was a small hotel where most of the GTC and the legal team were staying. Small compared to a lot of the hotels he'd stayed in, anyway. Except for a few of the Top Gear shoots in strange locations. There were maybe 100 rooms. The whole thing was let to the people staying for the trials. The body of the hotel and the 20 private suites in a second building. 

Ben Collins heard noise in the living area of the suite. He’d been awake for an hour. He’d first done his morning workout, a racing driver had to keep fit to keep up with the Racing Drivers, and then attached the keyboard to his tablet and worked on knocking out some pages for his newest book.

James had managed to get them one of the larger suites, since they had three people to the room, instead of two.

It was yet another generous gesture on James’s part. He had included Ben more and more after the trip to Antarctica. It was endearing. James just assumed Ben would be staying in the suite with he and Stig. Of course, James and Stig would be together. James was Stig’s match.

Ben was just the man who’d been born looking like Stig. They’d never bonded. He’d always considered himself just Stig’s handler and friend. He was only now learning James considered him to be more, like there was some esoteric connection between Ben and Stig.

Whether or not he had a right to more.

He didn't have much to do at these trials, though. His part had been undergoing medical tests proving he and Stig were a different species. His part in the first trial, getting the Racing Drivers acknowledged as sentient beings, had been significant, but here, now, he had given his testimony about what declining to match to his Racing Driver had done to his career, and he was no longer a part of the proceedings.

He couldn't bring himself to leave. He should, though, shouldn't he?

"James?" He stood in the doorway between the livingroom and suite’s small bedroom and watched James pick up his wallet, keys and phone, and Stig’s iPod, from their place on the table beside the door.

James looked up, and Stig looked up.

“I should get back to the UK.”

James’s eyebrows went up. “Of course, mate, I didn't even think. I can have the crew arrange a ride.”

Oh. He didn't mind if Ben left, then.

“You go visit your family for as long as you need. Just give me a call when you're ready to come home, and I'll have them pick you up and bring you back here. You won't be leaving before we get back from the courthouse today, will you? We've got to have a goodbye dinner.”

Come back. Come home. Water poured through his heart. James did care if he was here, again, just assuming Ben saw this as his place just like James did. He smiled. He should go see his relatives, and then come back here, back home to his family. “Yeah. I'll see you after. Bye James, have a great day.”

[Bye Stoic,] he called Stig by their private nickname.

Stig waved and smiled, opened the door for James, and waved until the door closed behind them.

He'd better call his parents and let them know he was coming for a visit. They'd gone back home after the human families had been released from their safe locations, weeks before. He went into his room and sat on the neatly made bed. His new phone had a strange weight in his hand. His old phone had gone into the sea out the side of the helicopter that had picked him up when they left the UK.

There was a knock on the door. James hadn't forgotten his room key. Ben had watched him pick it up. The place it lived on the table was empty. It was too early for housekeeping.

He stood and opened the door to more urgent knocking.

There was a pale blond Racing Driver with a stocky, athletic build and chin length hair, and a darker blonde with barely more than buzzed hair and a closely trimmed beard. Kimi and Sebastian's matches, Jaamies and Sunshine.

[Mark sent us over here. You need a job, we need a human. You know everyone.] Jaamies moved towards the door with clear, “I am coming in now,” body language. Ben stepped back. They came inside and stood with their arms crossed, and it was, for the rest of his life, going to be weird to see the Stig pose on people without helmets.

[Do you have coffee?] Sunshine asked. Jaamies shot him a questioning look.

Ben just nodded. [I'll make coffee. What kind of job do you have for me?] He went to the room's little coffee machine and started making coffee. They both followed him. Close, but not touching. Like Stig did.

[Kimi is in a cage,] Jaamies said, great sadness in the gestures that wasn't really reflected on his face. [The stewards,]

[Lawyers,] Sunshine corrected. The word was new to Racing Driver vocabulary and meant, when literally translated "Stewards who eat peanuts." Ben had a sneaking suspicion he knew why this particular phrasing had been chosen.

[Believe Kimi is the cruelest Trainer. The men agree. The matches. So the ones who know the truth should speak. We will contact them and tell them Kimi needs them.]

He nodded. [You want me to call the matches.]

The two Racing Drivers nodded, seriously.

[Alright. Who do you want me to call?]

And that was when the hard part of the job started.

Jaamies gestured a name sign.

Ben had no idea who it was. 

He couldn't speak telepathically with any Racing Drivers, so he couldn't get a picture of who they meant by "Hugging the Track Tightly."

He had gone through this with Stig before, though. [Tell me what he looks like, and where Kimi knows him from.] He got a notepad and wrote the name on it. The Racing Drivers took their coffees and sat on the couch on either side of him in the suite living room. Ben looked down at where Jaamies' leg was pressed against his.

[He is a Bright Blue from Ferrari. He raced with us in F1. He is this tall,] Jaamies put his hand out about the height of his own head. [He has blue eyes. He has curly hair. Dark brown.]

[It is not dark brown now, it is grey and dark brown,] Sunshine interrupted. Ben noted down these details.

He couldn't ask the year, but Jaamies not remembering his hair was going grey indicated it was a while ago. [Raced for Ferrari or just born at Ferrari?] That would narrow things down, there were only a few guys who'd raced for Ferrari since Jaamies started in F1. He knew Rubens and Pedra's namesigns by now. That left Michael, and two or three others who had driven or been test drivers. Ben knew Michael's namesign, too. Would have it burned into his memory to the day he died.

[Both. Done racing for Ferrari when we were there.]

Still, there hadn't been that many. Ben searched Ferrari Drivers in his phone, then thought. [Did you crash with him?]

Jaamies nodded hard. [Yes, his last race I spun in front of him and ruined his race.]

This might not be so hard. Ben wrote Jean Alesi on the notepad. He googled the man and showed Jaamies the picture of his helmet.

[Yes!]

He didn't happen to have Jean’s phone number, but he could get it from the GTC paperwork. This was just going to be a test of his knowledge of modern F1 trivia.

[Who next?]

[A Quick and Safe Reaction. He races for Ferrari. He has browner hair, but looks like Kuiva, you know Kuiva. He is this tall,] a bit taller than Jaamies.

Ben actually DID know Kuiva. Heikki Kovalainen and Kuiva had come and done resting on the Top Gear’s track. None of the Ferrari drivers other than Jaamies looked like him at all, though. Sometimes Racing Drivers had weird ideas of 'look alike,' so Ben set this information aside.

[He was in our matching class.]

[He drives F1?] Ben was completely flummoxed by this description.

[No, endurance, like Mark and Rabbit.]

[Call Kuiva, too!] Sunshine added.

Ben googled Ferrari endurance team. He didn't see any Finns on the list. The man would have had to be Finnish to do army training with Kimi.

[He drives now?]

[He won the season Rabbit started,] Sunshine said in soft gestures, [When Rabbit had to leave.]

Ben googled that, and found the Ferrari team and Toni Vilander. The man did look a little like Heikki.

Jaamies clapped when he saw the helmet. Sunshine took Jaamies' cup and went back to the coffee pot and added more coffee and sugar to the cups.

[This is going to take a very long time if we have to do this for everyone. Is there any Racing Drivers still at the hotel whose match is with them?]

[Pilot and Max,] Sunshine nodded, [They are with Shoe.]

Ice ran up Ben's spine. He'd been avoiding seeing the stallion since he, Sebastian and Sunshine had arrived. He swallowed. [Ask them to come here, if they're not too busy.]

Sunshine nodded.

Jaamies was staring openly at Ben.

[Are you alright?] Jaamies asked between them, where Sunshine couldn't see.

He was so like Stig in so many ways. Ben found himself shaking his head minutely and then nodded. [It hurts me,] he gestured.

Jaamies nodded, barely, so Ben almost didn't see it. [They made a choice.]

[I know.]

[Shoe doesn't deserve revulsion.]

[What I feel is the farthest thing from revulsion.]

Sunshine plopped down and handed Jaamies the coffee. He took a deep draught of his own and sighed happily.

[Where is Sebastian?] Ben asked, wondering suddenly why Sunshine's own match wasn't helping.

Sunshine looked guilty.

[Don't ask,] Jaamies shook his head.

Ben didn't.

[Let's try some more until the others arrive.]

[Teammates!] Sunshine said, [It will be easy to find those men.]

[All of them?] Ben asked. Kimi had a notoriously rocky relationship with some of his teammates.

[Not all the men would speak for him, but you call them and make them ask their Racing Drivers if THEY will speak for him,] Jaamies said. [Alondra and Sunshine are here, they will speak.]

[In Control of Footing,] Sunshine nodded at Jaamies. [Fuel Feeding the Motion, Sweeping Left Turn, Victory with Hands in the Air, That one who only turned left.]

[Rowdy,] Jaamies filled in the name.

The one who only turned left had to be Kyle Busch’s Racing Driver. Ben stifled a laugh. He'd heard a lot of that sort of thing in the American Camp. Grip Racing Drivers calling Drift Racing Drivers Dirtboys and vice versa.

[Stepping over the Bodies of his Enemies,] Sunshine went on.

Ben blinked, that was an incredibly violent name for a Racing Driver, except that it was one he'd heard before. [Puma and Juan Pablo, At McLaren,] he said. The McLaren stallions had all come to Dunsfold to practice. Stig and Ben had met all of the McLaren, and then the Mercedes team stallions. That was where they had met Kimi and Jaamies for the first time. [I know all the McLaren stallions.]

[All of them. We will ask everyone we can think of. We will give Kimi every chance we can.] Jaamies nodded.

He could look up the others, but this was a good place to start. The GTC files on the McLaren stallions were a little more complete. He called to the office where the law firm was and got someone to look up the contact information of the men who had been Kimi's teammates.

He called Romain Grosjean first, because he had gotten to know him a bit when they'd both been at the American Camp.

"Romain, this is Ben, I'm getting together some testimony for the trials here in Versailles."

"Of course, I am ready. You have the files I sent?"

"Yes, we do. This isn't about the general charges. We need you to come speak for one of the Trainers. There's been some confusion about which side he's on."

"I will certainly speak for him. I do not know many of the Trainers well, though."

"It's Kimi Raikkonen, so you know him pretty well."

There was silence.

"Romain?"

"I can't say Kimi is against FIA, he is not. He is the strongest FIA supporter I know. If they have arrested him, just a moment,” There was an engine noise in the background. "Yes, then they have done the right thing,” Another engine noise.

"Is that Goose with you?"

"Yes, I say hello for you, and for Stig."

"Do me a favor,” Ben looked at Jaamies and Sunshine. He had been translating what he said and what Romain had said, for their benefit. They nodded encouragement at him. "Tell Goose Kimi is in a cage. Ask him if Kimi ever helped him."

Jaamies started gesturing rapidly. Ben could barely keep up with what he was saying.

When it clicked, he grinned widely.

"Ask him if things are better between you two since he started holding your hand again."

There was an impatient sigh. Then faintly, "What? Are you sure? WHAT?! Why didn't you tell me?" After a noise like someone walking through a house packed full of boxes, Romain came back on the line. "He says if I do not bring him to say Kimi is good, he will walk there himself. Is it true? What he says Kimi can do? Why did he never tell us?"

Ben suddenly got the feeling he was going to be explaining this a lot. "He had to pretend to support FIA, to keep them from looking too close. It's backfired on him, because everyone believed it. It's time for all of the people he's helped to return the favor."

There was a knock on the door.

Sunshine opened it and hugged Pilot as the younger Racing Driver came in. Max wheeled in Shoe in his wheelchair, and behind them came the hotel maintenance man. [I told the hotel we would need extra phone lines,] Max chirped. [He is bringing in temporary ones.]

The man unrolled a length of phone line from a reel that ran out the door and down the walkway. He took a second, and then a third and a fourth phone from his trolley and set them on the table by the door. He smiled and said something in Spanish, which Max repeated back to him, and closed the door behind him.

"Why do we need four phones?" Ben asked.

[Language,] Max gestured absently. A habit all the Redbull Boys seemed to possess.

Ben switched to gestures, [Why do we need four phones?]

[For the other guys to use when they get here,] Max told him.

[Other guys?]

[Carlos and Dan and Daniil.] He smiled and gestured a warm hello to Sunshine and a more formal one to Jaamies. Then he and Pilot teamed up to fuss over Shoe's comfort. [We'll need some food, if we're going to be here all day, these guys are all going to get hungry. Did you two drive yet, today?] Max gestured at Sunshine and Jaamies.

They shook their heads. [Go get to it. We've got enough to do calling the Redbull matches until you get back.]

Jaamies frowned, deeply, but Sunshine pulled on his arm and they went out the door.

Leaving Ben with little Max Verstappen, his Racing Driver, Pilot, and Shoe. Well, maybe this wasn't the time for a deep conversation.

[Now that they're gone,] Max said, [Stallion has something to say to you.]

Ben looked at Shoe, who was watching him with big, brown eyes. He couldn’t move anything below his shoulders. He could only send.

[Don't be afraid,] Pilot gestured for him, [I won't hurt you.]

Ben licked his lips. [I know, stallion.] He had never been a match, the stable jargon had never felt comfortable or natural for him.

[You can say my name, Ben.]

Ben glanced at Pilot when he gestured his name sign.

[Yes, Shoe.]

Shoe's lips quirked in a smile. [I haven't seen you in a very long time, and you've been hurting this whole time.]

Ben flinched. [Everyone keeps telling me you two made a choice, don't you act like you're going to console me. This happened to you instead of to me. I have a RIGHT to feel bad. You don't get to take that away from me. I would never presume to try and take YOUR pain.] He was leaning over the Racing Driver in his fury.

Shoe's eyes were wide, shocked at the shouting, shocked at how close Ben had gotten to his face.

[This,] Ben waved at Shoe's body in the wheelchair. [Is as much mine as it is yours. I made a choice, too. One I have to live with. I can never feel enough pain to make up for letting you take this for me.] He dropped to his knees. [Don't apologize to me, do you want me to apologize to you?]

[No.]

[Can we understand one another?]

Pilot closed his eyes. He reached out and stroked Ben's face. [We understand one another. We won't try to heal each other's pain, we will allow each other to cherish it.]

[Thank you, Champion,] Ben said more confidently.

He got back to his feet.

[Phone calls,] Max gestured rhythmically, in a sort of sing-song. [I will make lunch and translate names for you.] He looked at Pilot. [Ask Jaamies to send you names.]

He went to the kitchenette and opened the bag he'd been carrying, pulling out salad ingredients. He rattled off names as fast as Ben could write. Occasionally he would stop with a confused look on his face and say, [Show me the car.] Then he would think for a moment, or give Ben a detailed description of a car and a man, with as much an idea of the year and words written on the car as possible.

There was another knock on the door. Pilot opened the door. The two Redbull matches known as the Dans, Dan Ricciardo and Daniil Kvyat and their Racing Drivers, Australia and Tyazhelyy, who went by Oz and Tumba, and Carlos Sainz and his Racing Driver, Fili, came in. They were loaded down with bags. Fili and Tumba were carrying a case of Redbull each. The Dans’ Racing Drivers were carrying file boxes from the office. [Sorry we took so long. We had to make copies,] Dan gestured, setting the keys down in James’s key bowl The boxes were contact information. 

The Redbull was set on the floor under the table. Fili pulled one out and pulled the tab.

[Will two cases of Redbull be enough for 12 guys making phone calls?] Ben joked.

Tumba shook his head. He pointed at the open case. [That's Fili's. The other one is for us to share.]

Fili widened his eyes and grinned manically at Ben.

Woah.

[Ok! Redbull Boys!] Dan Ricciardo raised his hands and everyone looked at him. [Ben, and I will be making phone calls. The fourth phone will be for return calls, Carlos will answer that if it rings. You three,] He pointed at Oz, Tumba and Fili, [Think of every Racing Driver you know, send pictures of them for Daniil. If he can't think of names, Oz, you draw them,] Carlos got a big notepad and colored markers out of one of the bags. [Don't draw everything in green, buddy, use the real colors. Max, Pilot, you two know what to do. Where did Sunshine and Jaamies go?]

[To drive,] Max gestured without looking up from where he was giving Shoe a drink of water.

[Good. Any questions?]

Everyone had moved on about their tasks, and no one answered him. Ben stared around for a minute. The phones had been moved to the coffee table in front of the couch, and notepads and pens had been set next to each of them. Pages of contact information next to each of them. Carlos was consulting the list of names Max had told Ben, earlier, pulling files out of the boxes as he found them.

On the right hand side of the room, by the kitchenette and the door to Ben's room, Daniil was seated at the table with the 3 Racing Drivers writing down more names. On the left-hand side of the room, by the bathroom door and the door to the room where James and Stig were sleeping, Racing Driver and Max were transferring Shoe from the wheelchair to the comfortable armchair.

[Ben,] Dan said his name and gestured it. [Did you have a question?]

[No?]

Daniil glanced up at him and smirked, [Stallion likes it when you do what you are asked first time, Ben.]

Ben looked at him. Had he just referred to Dan as stallion?

Dan WAS looking at him expectantly. 

He sat on the couch beside Carlos, who gave him a sympathetic smile. He felt like he'd just gotten in trouble. Yeah, he was never going to get used to this Racing Driver stable/hierarchy thing. He picked up his phone and dialed the number for the first name. No point in creating a challenging the leader situation. He put his head down and did as he'd been told.

\--

 

He hung up the phone and rubbed his eyes. There was a tap on his shoulder. He looked up at Daniil.

[They ran out of names. Take a break, I'll make some calls.]

Ben looked at the table. Sunshine and Jaamies had come back somewhere around his third phone call. They were sitting beside Oz, who was drawing according to their description. Max was sitting beside him, now, and jutted his chin in greeting when he saw Ben looking at him. Dan was still on the other side of the couch. Fili was sitting beside Shoe, making eye contact like they were in a deep discussion. Pilot and Tumba were curled up in the other armchair, Pilot asleep on Tumba's shoulder. Carlos was at the kitchenette.

Ben got up and Daniil scooted in next to Max and picked up the next file in the stack.

He went and stood next to Carlos. "How many phone calls did you make?"

Carlos' hand started making the [Language] gesture but stopped partway through. "15." He said aloud.

"Did any of them scream at you like it was you who didn't tell them about Kimi?"

"A few of them."

"Could any of them swear like Juan Pablo Montoya?"

Carlos' eyes widened, but he didn't say anything, just shook his head and cut cold salmon into chunks. He dished cooked greens from a Tupperware into a pan and put it in the toaster oven the maintenance man had brought to the room earlier. "Please find the tub with the cucumber salad and put that on some plates."

Ben looked through the two cloth market bags sitting beside the counter. There was enough food in here for a week. He found a Tupperware with cubed cucumber and peppers. "Why did Daniil call Dan stallion, earlier?" He looked through the bag until he found a Tupperware full of cheap, matched silverware. He scooped salad in neat piles onto the multi-coloured plates he found in the bag.

"Dan is our lead stallion, like a herd. All the guys know he's in charge." Carlos said this with no emotion, other than a tiny smile.

"Including the men?" Ben asked.

"A herd needs a hierarchy, so they can sure they will all know the plan if anything bad happens. If no one is sure who to follow when it's time to run, no one can concentrate on their job." He leaned and looked into the toaster oven. "That's why they race, you know? To find out who is the best organizer, to know who is best qualified to run the herd. Organize the team, organize their match, and out-think the other Racing Drivers."

"What if there aren't races anymore?"

Carlos jerked his head towards the table, without looking, like a parent who knew exactly what his kids were up to.

Sunshine and Jaamies were staring at each other. Jaamies' hand came up, fast, open palmed. Ben flinched, but Sunshine didn't, and Jaamies' hand stopped so close to his face he must be touching his beard.

Sunshine smiled. His hands moved at table height, but Jaamies didn't look down at them.

Instead he leaned very close to the other Racing Driver's face, until their noses were almost touching, and made a little chirping noise.

Sunshine's jaw twitched.

Daniil looked up from his phone call. Carlos turned with an eyebrow raised.

Ben might not be a match, but he had been on the grid and working one on one with a Racing Driver for years. He had never heard a sound like that.

Oz reached across the table with the hand that wasn't holding the pen and cuffed Jaamies on the back of the head, then pointed severely at him.

Jaamies didn't blink, even when the other stallion cuffed him.

Sunshine's eyes narrowed. He frowned, then slowly, like he was forcing himself to do it, looked down.

Jaamies smiled minutely, put his hand on the back of Sunshine's neck, pulled him close and kissed his hair. The younger Racing Driver relaxed against him.

"They don't need to race," Carlos murmured. He returned to watching the greens through the little glass window on the toaster oven. "They must drive and it is a convenient overlap. He is happier because he knows he isn't responsible for making the decisions."

"Because Dan is."

Carlos took a breath. "Dan is our lead stallion. Those two are Ferrari."

"Doesn't it go by wins? That's why Stig couldn't lead Redbull. He never got wins. Sunshine has more wins than Jaamies, and then, Shoe is Ferrari, and he has way more wins."

"Jaamies..." Carlos breathed, voice so low it was more under his breath than a whisper. His hands closed convulsively on the counter edge, "Would inherit Ferrari, as lead stallion."

Ben looked at him without a word.

"It will come out in his trial. Kimi was going to manage the stable next year. That's why the lawyers want him so badly, even though we tell them he is not like the rest. No one knows where the team principles are. He is the highest-ranking FIA official we have. If Kimi goes free, we will lose many more handlers."

"What?" Ben whispered. He cast a glance at the rest of the room. "I thought he was just a Trainer. The lead stallion's match is usually a Trainer, but not usually the stable manager."

"FIA is afraid of Kimi. They consume the ones they are afraid of. Make them a part of FIA. So, if this happens, they go down. They all ran, though. We have only Kimi here. Kimi will pay the price for all of FIA."

"That's why we're doing this. To get them to recognize his innocence. To get him free."

Carlos shook his head. "I am a Trainer. I have seen what few matches ever see. We cannot prove he is innocent. He cannot be. FIA should pay the price for that as well, and Kimi's conviction will make sure that the other handlers follow. We're not doing this to get him free, not really, some of them may believe we are. The most we can hope for, really, is to show that he was a good man, despite what they did to him."

With a start, Ben realized Max was leaning close on his other side. "We can show how..." Max closed his eyes, like this hurt him, personally. "How he helped those he could." Carlos reached across in front of Ben and put his hand over Max's.

Ben turned back to the room. So. They were fighting a battle without the intention to win. With only the intention to prove that someone had been willing to fight. He shivered. What had Kimi done to inspire such love?


	37. Chapter 37

Rami's Small Graces

 

Rami was visiting Kimi when some other visitors arrived as well. Gautier Paulin, and his Rider Racing Driver, Grace, who rode for Ice One, the motocross team Kimi owned, and two colts who referred to Grace as papa. The foals were learning to ride, and in a few years, would have guaranteed places on the team.

It wasn't that the colts looked familiar that made him uncomfortable. In fact, they were most of the way across the empty visitation room before he even registered the similarity. It was how Gautier looked at Rami, and then looked away, but stepped between Rami and the colts like their existence might offend him. Like he had to protect the foals from Rami.

It was an expression every match was inevitably familiar with. A look every match had given, and received. It was defined by the giver turning his back on you. It said, without words, or any change of face, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry for you and yours, but I've got to take care of what is mine."

It was a look he'd hoped never to have to see again.

That was when Rami realized that even after this, they hadn't achieved their perfect world.

They had just achieved a different kind of struggle.

Rami turned away from Gautier and the colts and looked at Kimi.

Kimi didn't give him the look of apology. His look was a challenge- [This is what is happening. What will you decide to do?] Then Kimi hugged the little Racing Drivers who looked exactly like Rami's children. With the familiarity that showed he’d known them their whole lives.

[Grace says the bad handlers told lies about you. Do you want me to race them to make them tell the truth?] The older colt offered.

[I will race them, too. Comet taught me to whip.] Said the little one.

Kimi ruffled the little one's hair. [Did he really?] Rami thought the 6-year-old was awfully small to be whipping a motocross bike during a jump.

[No, but he explained it to me.] The colt nodded.

[What did you learn this winter, Fluttering In The Wind?] Kimi asked the older colt.

He drew himself up with great dignity. [Kyle and Rowdy taught me to belch a song, and also to add and subtract. I can do any numbers, it just takes time.] He was probably 12. For a Racer this was a remarkable achievement. The math, not the belching. He did launch directly into his belched rendition of Kimi's favorite Finnish lullaby, Aa Aa Allin Lasta.

Gautier and Grace rushed to stop him.

Rami laughed. Gautier looked up like he might be attacked. He relaxed when he saw the pleasure on Rami’ face.

Rami patted his little brother on the shoulder. He was such a treasure. How kind. How gracious.

How eternally generous.

He started a motocross team for these colts.

These colts born for Rami’s sons.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning- The explanation of what ACTUALLY happened that caused the accusation of rape.
> 
> (No Rape)

Summons  
Hotel in Versailles where the GTC supporters are staying- 2017

TW

A few days at the farm and a few days at Ferrari was the only time in the months since Grand Tour day that the Redbull Boys had slept anywhere other than the bus. Daniil reveled in the existence of a bed. A bed which had a mattress, and which was not attached to the side of a moving vehicle. He wanted to sleep all day. He would never get enough sleep to make up for the Roadtrip.

Max came out of the bathroom, drying his wet hair. [You want the shower next, Danya?] He pulled one of Pilot’s red shirts out of the drawer and put it on.

A smile warmed Daniil's face. He'd missed the nickname, in the last year, with the tension between them, when Max had withdrawn so completely from him. It was making rare appearances, again. He scooted out of the bed, careful not to disturb his unconscious other self. Tumba was frowning and twitching a little, but a soft touch to his mind showed he was just reviewing a particularly challenging race. Daniil closed himself into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. Just as he was ready to step into the shower, he heard a knock on the hotel room door.

"WHAT IS THIS?!" Max's bellow shook the toothbrush cup off the counter into the sink.

Daniil burst out of the bathroom. "What's going on?" He was linked closely with Tumba, who, not even fully awake, had rolled to his feet, touched Pilot's mind, and checked in with Oz and Fili, and then every other Racing Driver in his range.

"Pilot got called to testify at Kimi's trial." He waved the summons.

He gaped. "We're all testifying at Kimi's trial."

"As a witness for the prosecution."

The two of them turned to look at the Red Racing Driver.

[What?]

[Did Kimi ever hurt you?] Max threw the gestures.

[No?] Pilot cocked his head. Then a thought crossed his mind and his mouth opened. [I made Sebastian angry.]

Daniil and Max exchanged looks.

Pilot told them what had happened.

_Pilot sat in the chair in the corner of Shoe's bedroom. He kept his eyes down, away from the intense brown gaze._

_'I'm not going to shame you.' Shoe told him._

_[Tell me about you, first?] Pilot looked at where Sunshine and Sebastian were sitting on the bed on either side of where Shoe lay on his side. Sunshine was massaging his other side, and Sebastian was counting out pills. They were both openly watching him._

_How similar to a Racing Driver Sebastian was unnerved Pilot sometimes. Max, or any of the other Redbull men would be pretending like they weren't listening. Any of their Racing Drivers would be giving whoever was speaking their full attention and sharing in what they were feeling. Sebastian was honest in his interest and would be a part of listening and helping._

_Shoe conceded. 'What would you like to know?'_

_[What was it like when you were a rookie?] Pilot gestured._

_'I was always the fastest. When I was a colt, they kept moving me up to race with the older colts. When they brought me Michael...' He smiled. 'Michael thought he was funny and our rookie year he kept pulling pranks on the older drivers. Their Racing Drivers kept telling me to get him under control. Jato the most. Michael infuriated Ayrton. I think Ayrton knew..that Michael and I were the next big Reds on the Grid.' He smiled at Sebastian, the next inheritor of the position. 'My best friend those years was a stallion who had just been bought by Ferrari. I was living in the team stable at the time, but I knew that soon I would be coming home to Ferrari. Like both of you.' Pilot looked at Sunshine, he was smiling to himself._

_Home to Ferrari. The words thrilled Pilot. Was he going home to Ferrari? Like Sunshine had? Like Shoe had?_

_'My friend told me stories about what was happening at my home stable, and what was happening with everyone I grew up with, and with the second stable.' He paused._

_[What second stable?] Pilot asked._

_[You weren't weaned yet. All the foals for several seasons got weaned at once when we moved.] Sunshine stopped massaging to gesture this._

_'Redbull lived at Ferrari when you were born. You're both pure Ferrari stock back to my Sire. He came from another stable, but my Dam was Ferrari, and both her dam and Sire. I remember your Rabbit when he was unmatched and just learning his place as lead stallion. Don't look down, Sunshine. When Redbull moved, the stock we'd bought from their lines stayed with us. My best friend is Redbull's first stallion.'_

_[Pedra!] Sunshine exclaimed._

_Sebastian made a noise and half a gesture. Sunshine pictured Pedra and Sebastian laughed and clapped Shoe on the arm. Pilot didn't remember Pedra, but he knew his name._

_'What was it like when you were growing up?' Shoe asked quietly._

_[I was fast, like you, like him,] Pilot gestured to Sunshine, [I was fast, but just like the others, until Max, and his being too small was confusing, but I handled it. It was when he grew up, he changed. He asked for more, and I gave him everything. It wasn't until I wanted to say no, that I realized I couldn't]_

_Sebastian looked at him with sympathy. He gestured to Shoe beside him. [You want some water?] He received an answer through Sunshine, and they crossed their arms behind the older Racing Driver's back and sat him up. Sebastian gave him some water. [Feel better?] They rearranged Shoe back on his side. [You felt powerless when you found that out?] he asked Pilot._

_Pilot thought about it. [Yes. It was too fast, like being a Blue.]_

_Sunshine's eyebrows went up at that._

_Sebastian looked puzzled. [How do you know?]_

_Sunshine's eyes REALLY went up at that. [I'll explain later.]_

_Shoe revved surprise and then it turned into a laugh._

_[Why...don't you know why I know?] Pilot asked._

_Sunshine waved at him to be quiet._

_[You are a Red, how do you know what it is like to be another color? Can Racing Driver change color?]_

_'You haven't ever talked to him about it?' He asked Sunshine._

_'No, of course not. It is a private thing.'_

_Shoe listened to this exchange and sent them both a feeling that he was being patient. 'Sunshine, he has explained he can't hide things from Max. How would he know what is generally kept to oneself?'_

_[I can tell you are all talking around me,] Sebastian gestured. [I have been constantly reminded it is rude to speak a language someone in the room does not speak. It is rude for you to whisper about, as well.]_

_Sunshine sighed. He gave Sebastian a brief explanation of what it was like to exchange with another Racing Driver._

_Sebastian's eyes went wide. He looked at Pilot suspiciously. [When was the first time you did that?]_

_Pilot sat back. [That is an extremely rude question.]_

_[Answer me anyway.]_

_[Sebastian that's not fair, he can't say no.] Sunshine told him patiently._

_[What better time to ask questions?] Sebastian shot back._

_'Red humans are all the same,' Shoe sent._

_Sunshine translated this to Sebastian._

_Pilot was struggling with himself, trying to deny Sebastian his answer. [The year I matched.] He frowned._

_[Tell me.] Sebastian crossed his arms._

_Sunshine flapped his arms once in exasperation._

_So, Pilot told him._

_Sebastian's eyes got wider and wider._

_Then he punched the wall and stormed out._

_Sunshine waited patiently until Carlos and Fili came in, and then went after him._

_[Couldn't help it,] Pilot complained._

_Shoe sent him feelings of sympathy._

[What actually HAPPENED that he got so mad about?] Daniil asked. [What was your first exchange?]

[You are not allowed to be angry. He was wrong to be angry. You would be wrong as well,] Pilot said, still clearly hesitant about sharing this story again, after the result of the last time was still hanging over their heads.

Still, he began the story.

_There was no weather indoors. It was just moister than usual. Max had gone home to sit in front of a tree and eat candy out of socks, and Sunshine had broken the rules to tell him what was coming for him in the morning, and what he needed to do about it._

_‘He will show you how to protect yourself,’ The lead stallion told him. Then Sunshine called someone to help._

_Pilot sat cross legged, face to face with Kimi. ‘What is studding like?’_

_He saw Kimi shiver. Felt the anger, sorrow, and sadness before the comforting cool came back. ‘It is different than it would be if it were mating. You won’t exchange with her. Just the body things.’_

_‘Exchange? Exchange what? Her, who?’_

_Kimi frowned. He took a breath. ‘When the stable wants more baby Racing Drivers, they send a stallion into a room. It will have a smaller room fenced off in the middle. There will be several handlers there with prods. They are like tasers, but they won’t kill you. They will just hurt you very much and make it hard to move. If you do what you are told, they won't hurt you with them.’_

_The room in Kimi’s sending was dimly lit and the men had wicked, cruel grins._

_‘They will bring a mare in, as well. This is your first stud trip, so they will send a mature mare, who will not be frightened by your fear and inexperience.’_

_The mare in the image was older than Kimi. She had light brown hair and brown eyes and she touched his hand and smiled reassuringly at him._

_‘You don’t have to be afraid of her. She won’t hurt you, and it will make her feel bad if you are upset by her. Shhh.’_

_He imitated a mare’s mind. Pilot flinched at the weird, hollow lack of driving._

_‘To get baby Racing Drivers, two Racing Drivers need to share their family lines. The babies have to be kept in a safe place until they are old enough to move around on their own, so the mare will keep them inside her belly. That’s when she’s a mama.’_

_‘How do they get there?’ The fifteen-year-old asked._

_Kimi shifted his weight. ‘Mare’s bodies are different than stallion’s bodies.’_

_Pilot saw a generic supposition of a stallion and a mare. Both were naked. The imaginary mare moved so Pilot could see that she didn't have the same arrangement between her legs as he did. The stallion hugged closely to her and Pilot could see how they fitted perfectly together._

_‘When they do this, he leaves his part of the family line with her, and she has hers already inside and they mix and make baby Racing Drivers.’_

_‘I don’t want to do that.’_

_‘I know.’_

_He thought about ways to make it fail. ‘If there was a way to stop them, someone would have done it by now. Wouldn't they?’_

_Kimi nodded._

_‘What do I do, Kimi? I can’t fight handlers. I can’t...with someone I don’t love enough to mate with.’_

_‘Have you considered that the mares don’t like it, either? All the stallions who don't love them? Maybe they would like to feel cherished.’_

_Pilot thought about this. He listened to the fans blowing the air in from outside and thought for a long time. ‘How would I cherish them?’_

_‘I can only tell you how men and women do.’_

_‘Will you show me?’_

_In his mind, there was a warm, soft feeling on his mouth, a kiss like nothing else he had ever experienced. A mare’s mouth on his. ‘Her body will be sensitive in several places. You can kiss or brush your hands on these places to make her feel good. I don’t know where on mares, and everyone is different. You’ll have to find them.’_

_He felt rubbing and kissing on his own skin. At his neck, his chest, his sides, wrists and knees._

_‘You’ll know what she likes. When she feels good, you can share with her.’_

_His eyes went wide, unconsciously absorbing the knowledge of how to move his hips. Sitting cross legged on the floor, his hands fisted and he started breathing harder._

_‘Pay attention to her reaction. You will want to go fast, but it will feel much better if you keep control.’_

_He dragged his eyes off the ceiling and looked at Kimi. His eyes were bright grey and he was watching Pilot with a calm expression on his face._

_‘This is where studding is different than mating. When you stud, it will finish with both of you feeling great enjoyment. If you were mating, before that happened you would touch the deepest part of your mate’s mind, and you would exchange selves. You would open your barriers completely, and she would as well, and you would share everything in your mind and she would share hers. You won't do that when studding. It is for the one you love most. Even more than you love Max. You should cherish the mares, but they won't expect or want you to mate with them.’_

_‘Exchanging sounds...very wonderful.’ He sat silently again for a moment. ‘I’m not ever going to feel mating, am I? Because I live like this.’_

_‘Some Racing Drivers do. They find someone they love and who is an appropriate mate for them. Sometimes they have to sneak.’ The last part of this information was buried deeply as though Kimi was afraid they would be overheard._

_‘Will you show me what it feels like to exchange? Not the physical part, just the mental part?’_

_‘Pilot, no, that is for your mate.’_

_He looked into the man’s eyes. ‘That isn’t going to happen, though, is it?’_

_Kimi looked at him for a long time, then scooted so they were parallel and lay back on the floor. They closed their eyes._

_Kimi reached into Pilot’s mind. Into the secret safe place where he kept his heartbeat and his deepest thoughts. The ones so deep they weren’t even thoughts, just his body doing it’s job._

_He cuddled Pilot and moved him out of his deepest mind. Pilot felt Kimi’s mind picking him up, and felt himself put into the deepest place in Kimi’s mind. The place that controlled his pulse and the thoughts that kept him alive._

_Pilot was afraid, suddenly. If he didn’t take care, he could disrupt Kimi’s life processes. The heart he was wearing, Kimi’s heart, clenched. Kimi was trusting Pilot with his life._

_Kimi was keeping Pilot’s heart beating, back in his own body?_

_He opened his eyes to glorious blue eyes looking at him. His own eyes. Kimi smiled. He was equally controlling Pilot’s body and his own. Pilot reached out and held his hand in front of his own face. Kimi’s hand looked so pale compared to what he was used to._

_“Kimi,” He said, in human. “Kimi you are so...different.”_

_Kimi revved a chuckle. ‘I had forgotten how it felt to be so young. You are very strong.’_

_Pilot felt so close to Kimi now. It was almost too much. He smiled and asked to be put back._

_He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, he’d been restricted to his own body. He continued lying beside Kimi._

_‘Tomorrow will be alright,’ He told the Trainer._

_‘Yes,’ Kimi answered, ‘You will be alright.’ He sent Pilot encouragement and calm. ‘You will be alright.’_

Pilot finished telling the story of his first exchange, and how he and Kimi had talked.

The men looked at each other again. [They're going to sentence him to the electric chair.] Daniil raised his hands.

[That's ridiculous,] Max gestured back, slowly. [This isn't America, there is no death penalty here, they will give him some life sentences. Shit. Pilot, why didn't you tell me Sebastian knew about that?]

When he said this, Daniil whipped around to face him. [YOU knew?]

[Of course. I have said, Pilot and I don't hide these things.]

He gave him a look of disbelief. [Yes, I know.]

[We have to go talk to the prosecutors, thanks.]

[Oh shit.] Daniil grimaced. [At least they're not the Defense. They're not very happy with us.]

"Pilot and I weren't the ones who painted "MotoGP es para putas" with bar soap on all their cars."

Tumba stepped forward and pushed at both of them. [We are a herd, we don't divide for monsters.]

When the younger bond pair left, Daniil and Tumba sat on the bed. [I'm sorry,] Daniil said.

Tumba stared at the window until the brightness of the sun shining through it made his eyes water. [Why? It protected him, as it was meant to.]


	39. Chapter 39

Calm Your Wiring  
FIA Trials, Versailles- 2017

 

It rained in Versailles, during one of the days the stewards were sharing nothing but paperwork with the lady judge. Jaamies walked to the store. He had been here before, with Rami. There were too many things in the store he couldn’t recognize. Boxes and bags and bottles and packages. The pictures on the front had nothing to do with what was inside them. Rami had showed him where to buy gum and candy and juice drinks.

He wasn’t really interested in candy. It was nice, but made him feel tired and gooey. He bought a drink with the cash Rami had given him. The clerks at the store were used to the presence of Racing Drivers, now.

He noticed a new box on the counter, with something he did recognize in it. He picked one up. For the first time, he looked around carefully. If they had these, they must have the things that went with them.

He spotted a package he recognized. He hadn’t noticed them before, in the overwhelming rush of THINGS in the store. He brought one to the clerk and set the lighter down with it.

The clerk gave him back much less of the money than for just the drink.

He carried the bag back, through the rain, towards the courthouse. Then he stood, to the side of the back steps, under an overhang. He fumbled the first package open, and got out one of the cigarettes. He held it in his mouth while he broke the seal on the drink, and then applied the lighter.

He inhaled.

Smooth air, so rich it nearly tasted rancid, rolled into his lungs.

It was like kissing his car.

He blew the cigarette smoke out in a ring like Kimi had taught him.

He could feel his wiring stop buzzing with frustration.

The courthouse door opened and Jeremy came out and stood beside him.

He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his own pocket and lit the end of one.

[He lets you breathe exhaust?] Jeremy asked.

Jaamies shrugged. A lot of the mechanics introduced the rookies to it, as a means of controlling and dealing with them, before they got to the big teams. Most of them outgrew the interest, or noticed that it made the workouts more difficult.

He had heard that on the Ice, some of the wild Pilots had been able to connect with Jeremy’s broken connection. He examined it, with his own mind. He wondered what it would be like to speak to another human, like Kimi spoke with other Racing Drivers.

He didn’t touch the connection. 

He was a little angry with Kimi for letting this imprisonment happen, but he wasn’t going to do THAT.

He wouldn’t resort to it.

[Did Blue?] He asked, indicating the cigarette.

Jeremy shook his head. [The smell made him sick in his stomach.]

Jaamies shrugged again and took another drag off the cigarette.

The exhaust was hot and made him feel warm inside.

They stood together, out of the rain, until their cigarettes were just the yellow papery ends, which Jeremy dropped and crushed under his shoe and Jaamies followed his example. He put the lighter and the pack of cigarettes back in the bag and swished his mouth out with the juice. Kimi always told him if he was going to smoke he had to make sure no one saw him doing it.

He had a feeling people would be upset if they saw. So he rolled the top of the bag tightly and put it in his pocket. No one had to know, if it was going to upset them.


	40. Chapter 40

An Easy One  
NATO Courthouse, Versailles, FIA Trials- 2017

 

_Racing Drivers weren't allowed for this part of the Trainer's job. That was for the protection of the Trainer Racing Drivers, but it made this aspect of the job a lot harder. Kimi pushed through the swinging door with his elbow, hands scrubbed, gloved and out of the way. The Racing Driver on the examination table thrashed. His long legs were practically hanging off the end. He stilled when he felt Kimi reach out to his mind._

_'Kimi,' Stopwatch sobbed, 'Justin, I can't find him. They should bring him.'_

_Kimi pulled his gloves off. The other Trainers hated when he did this, but he was alone, and Stopwatch wouldn't get the same comfort with the gloves. He stroked the Racing Driver's skin where it wasn't injured. He was a mess. 'He's on his way. You know how matches are, always signing paperwork,' He joked._

_'I want him here with me,' He sighed, calmer now that someone was here who could help him, ‘When I die.’_

_His chest clenched. Sometimes they knew, and that was easier. 'Come here, Stopwatch, I'm going to hold you until Justin gets here, alright?'_

_'Okay.' Stopwatch reached out to him and Kimi reached out and surrounded him in a dream. Racing Drivers didn't understand dreams, and he would never know it wasn't real. He bit his lip and took a needle off the tray._

Stopwatch opened his eyes. It was sunny and nice. He sat up. He was little again. He felt so good. He wasn't hurting anymore. He felt a touch on his mind. He turned. To his left, Justin was sitting. Justin was little, too, maybe a little older, but not much. Justin smiled at him and told him a joke. They both got up from where they'd been sitting on a blanket in the grass. They raced. They swam in the river flowing at the bottom of the valley. They ate chocolate and strawberries, their favorite. Then, when the sun went down, they held hands and walked back to a brightly lit house, with lots of windows. Mama was there, she held Stopwatch and Justin and sang them a story about little Racing Drivers. Then she tucked them into two matching beds, just their size. The lights went out and Stopwatch stuck his hand out from under the cozy covers, and found Justin's hand waiting for him. They held hands. Stopwatch felt comfortable and sleepy. He closed his eyes and squeezed Justin's hand again. 

He drifted away.

_Kimi held the dream around the Racing Driver's mind until there was not enough mind left to support it anymore, and then he let it drop._

_It was too bad they wouldn't let him talk to Justin. He'd be halfway to his new life, by now. A new face, a new name, a new kind of emptiness. Nothing a regular therapist could ever help him with. Kimi wished they'd let him try._

_He closed Stopwatch's eyes. Wiped the bloody foam off the Racing Driver's chin. Picked up the instrument tray knocked over while his body seized in its death throes. Replaced the blanket over his torn body. Stood there for a while, stroking his hair and telling him how proud Justin was and how much Justin loved him. Then pulled the blanket over Justin Wilson’s other half, and washed his hands with water as hot as he could get it._

Of course, the video didn't show that. It showed Kimi walking in, taking off his gloves and injecting Stopwatch with a fatal overdose of medication. Standing back and watching, expressionless while Stopwatch thrashed, foamed, and finally collapsed with a gurgle. It showed Kimi standing unmoving, just staring at the body for nearly a minute before coldly, dispassionately cleaning it up. Then, weirdly, it showed him stroking the body’s hair gently and gesturing sweet things to it, still expressionless.

Even Kimi had to admit it was extremely damning evidence. The prosecution had added a big, red counter to the video. 

The courtroom was utterly silent until the screen went black. Then it erupted. People stood up. They screamed denunciations. Denials. Invectives.

This was the first time the world had seen one of the Racing Drivers being euthanized, instead of dying in a crash.

Kimi faced forward in his seat. This would be the time to show remorse. He couldn't. Stopwatch had been lying in agony for hours before the Trainers even bothered to let Kimi in. They knew he wasn't going to make it. Painkillers didn't work on Racing Drivers. Even if they did, no one would waste resources.

He remembered the relief Stopwatch had felt at sensing Kimi in the room with him. He had known every moment that he was going to die, but he had known, then, that Kimi was going to help, he had gone willingly, eagerly, glad for the release from the pain. Kimi found a small smile crossing his face.

The audience saw it. He had been straight faced through this process and now they saw him smile at one of his murders. 'Good,’ He thought, ‘See the Iceman is a monster. See FIA's worst at work. Lock every handler in and throw away the keys!' His smile got bigger. 'Burn FIA to the ground because of me.'


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Prosecutor trying to make the rape accusation look valid. (It is not)

Pilot's Testimony  
NATO Courthouse, Versailles, FIA Trials- 2017

 

"The Prosecution calls the Racing Driver known as Pilot."

Pilot and Max rose from their seats and went up to the witness stand. Max sat in the translator's seat and Pilot tried to sit with him. There wasn't room and the bailiff was trying to direct him to the witness stand and there was a bit of a tangle when Pilot, trying to dodge away from the bailiff's outstretched hand without seeming rude, turned circles, knocking Max with his elbow a few times until Max put HIS hand up to ward off the bailiff's hand and directed Pilot to sit in the witness stand by himself.

[But I am afraid,] Pilot gestured.

Max glared at the court translator when he repeated this aloud.

[I am going to be here. Look at all the people here who would not let you come to harm.]

[What about letting Kimi come to harm? They want to harm him.]

[Just be honest, Pilot. When they know what happened, it will be alright.]

Pilot frowned and sat down. He put up with the swearing in.

"Can you tell us your relationship with the defendant?"

[Kimi was a Trainer at the stable I grew up in. He started the year before I matched and was there sometimes until-] He looked at Max and shook his head, unsure how to convey the length of time.

"2009 to 2012," Max filled in. "He is saying that, but he doesn't know the numbers."

"Would you say you got along with the defendant?"

[Yes.]

"He was your Trainer, what kind of things was he in charge of Training you for?"

[They were learning to be Therapy Trainers. They talked to me about how I was getting along at the stable, in practice and with the other Racing Drivers.]

"Can you clarify who you mean when you say they?"

[Kimi and his Racing Driver, Jaamies.]

"Did you ever talk to the defendant alone?"

[Yes.]

"Did you talk to the defendant alone the afternoon of February 16, 2010?"

Pilot raised his hands and made an annoyed face. [How am I supposed to answer that?] He asked Max. 

Max shrugged back at him and shook his head. He told the lawyer, "He doesn't know what that means. He has no way to tell when that was."

"Let me rephrase the question. Did you talk to the defendant alone the afternoon before the first time you were put to stud?"

Pilot's shoulders tensed, and his lip curled when Max translated this to him. In practice, the man had told him he would ask this, but now, facing a large room FULL of people, it was different. He put his head down.

[It's okay,] Max started.

"The translator will refrain from coaching the witness,” The lawyer barked.

This had not happened in practice.

"I'm not coaching him, he's upset," Max started.

"The translator will refrain from interfering with the witness' testimony," The lawyer told him.

Max glared at him. He turned to the judge. "Your honor, Pilot is part of me, and he is getting scared, he can't filter his emotions alone. That's what a human match is FOR. I won't change what he's saying, but he can't do this alone." He folded his hands respectfully.

"Let him do his job, counselor."

[Go ahead, Pilot.] Max reached out and stroked his hand.

[I did talk to Kimi alone that afternoon.] He still didn't raise his eyes to the audience.

"What did the defendant talk to you about that afternoon?"

[About what was going to happen the next day.] Pilot's gestures were a little less shaky, now.

"What does a Trainer usually tell a Racing Driver about being put to stud?"

[They don't usually tell them anything, usually they just show up and get them the day it happens.] Pilot looked at Max, watching him translate this.

"So, what the defendant did was not normal procedure."

[It was not normal procedure.]

"Did he just tell you what was going to happen the next day?"

[No.] Pilot made eye contact with Max, who looked back, unmoving.

"What did he do?"

[He showed me, Kimi can talk, like Racing Drivers, he showed me pictures and feelings.] Pilot's eyes narrowed, and Max's mirrored him.

The lawyer walked across the courtroom and turned around.

"He showed you sexual images and made you feel how sexual intercourse feels."

There were gasps in the crowd. 

[Yes.]

"Let the record show that the witness was aged 15 years on the day in question. Was it just pictures and feelings?" The lawyer folded his arms behind his back.

[No.]

"What else did he show you?"

[He showed me how to make the mare feel good,]

"What sorts of things?"

[How to move, how to use my hands, my mouth.]

The lawyer asked him what he'd been taught, and Pilot looked him in the eyes and told him. The gestures were pretty self-explanatory, but Max stared at the man as well while he said them each in their closest literal translation. The fire in Pilot's eyes could have burned the building down, but it was really nothing compared to the inferno in Max's glare. He had a much better grasp of what was being done here, beyond humiliating his innocent Racing Driver by forcing these explanations in public.

There was a little more reiteration for the audience of how inappropriate this contact had been, and then the lawyer asked, "Is it standard procedure for Trainers? To talk to the Racing Drivers in their care without their bonded Racing Driver present?"

[No.]

"So the defendant came into your bedroom, an unauthorized visit, against accepted procedure. He came alone, against accepted procedure. He, an adult who had authority over you, a child, showed you sexual imagery, made you feel sexual feelings, and taught you to sexually pleasure a...mare."

Pilot stood up and slammed his hand on the lectern. [I was NOT a child. I was a stallion. I was acknowledged by my lead stallion as an adult. You ASK him,] he pointed unerringly into the crowd where Sunshine was sitting. He took a deep breath and sat back down. [I was an adult, but yes, that is what happened,] He went on, more calmly.

"No further questions, your honor."

The crowd was in a stir. There was a lot of noise. Max reached out and held Pilot's hand and nodded approval at him.

The Defense attorney stood up.

"Pilot, can you explain the primary way Racing Drivers communicate?"

[We send mind to mind with each other.]

"You send words?"

[No, we send emotions and feelings and pictures and memories, and build a story of what we want to say, in the other mind.]

"A conversation between two Racing Drivers always consists of shared sensations and emotions and pictures?"

[Yes, we don't speak in words.]

"When the defendant spoke with you, sending, it was necessary for him to share pictures and emotions and memories and sensations?"

[Yes.]

“Are any Racing Drivers prepared for what will happen during studding?”

[Yes, the older mares tell younger mares what will happen, before they go.]

“And what method do they use?”

[They show them, with feelings and pictures.]

The lawyer nodded.

"Regarding the day in question, you said this visit was out of the ordinary, why?"

[The Trainers don't want us to know ahead of time what will happen. If we are surprised, we will not have a plan for what to do to resist.]

"Why did the defendant come, then?"

[Kimi didn't like the way stud trips were done.]

"Objection, speculation."

"Please refrain from speculating as to the defendant's motives."

Pilot blinked. [I don't have to speculate. I could read his mind.]

There were a few snorts of laughter from the audience.

"Please refrain from...referring to the defendant's motives," the Judge clarified.

The lawyer waved her hand. "What was different in your case?"

[I asked him for help.] Pilot nodded. [I knew it was coming sometime and I was scared.]

"Why were you scared?"

[When I was young the Trainers took away my ability to resist what I'm told to do.] He looked right at her when he said this, but his lips quivered. [The other stallions don't like it, but they can fight back. I can't. So I asked Kimi to come teach me how to keep it from being awful.]

"You asked for his help?"

[Yes, I did. I couldn't have gotten through it, alone.]

"Did you ask him to show you sexual images and feelings?"

[I asked him to help me understand what to expect.]

"Did you ask him to show you how to make mares feel pleasure?"

[I asked him what I could do to make it so I didn't hate it so much. He said the mares hate it, too, and they don't want to be there, either. I decided to try to make them feel good. So being...with me wouldn't be as bad.]

"Why would it be bad, being with you?"

[It would be bad because I can't fight back, and I didn't want them to think I wanted to be there,] He looked down. [I didn't want to be there.]

"You asked the defendant to teach you how to make the mares feel better about being there. Don't you think it was inappropriate for a grown man, who had authority over you to teach a child these things?"

[I already said I wasn't a child. Racing Drivers become adults when we match,] he smiled and reached out to stroke Max's hand. [Humans believe that a child becomes an adult when they have sex for the first time. By that measure, I may not have been an adult when I discussed with Kimi how to have a healthy sexual interaction, but by a human measure I was old enough to become a father the next morning,] He tried to keep a straight face when he said this, but he bit his lips and closed his eyes. [By human measure it didn't matter if I consented to have sex with the adult female they'd chosen for me, or if she consented to have sex with me.] He shivered. [I can't see.]

Max stood up and pushed into the witness box and wrapped his arms around his shaking Racing Driver. He blocked the audience's view of his partner and stroked his hair, shushing over the hissed inhales. He murmured, 'Ask him to help you, love. He'll feel it with you. I'll feel it with you.' Max winced as the emotion poured into him. In the audience, the Racing Driver Pilot trusted most closed his eyes in time with them and diffused the pain. After a moment, during which the prosecuting attorney had objected twice, Max returned to the translators' seat.

[I'm ready to go on,] Pilot gestured.

"Since that time you've had explained to you how humans teach sexual education. Would the way humans teach sexual education, be equivalent to the conversation the defendant had with you on the day in question?"

[Yes. When humans teach sexual education, an older, mature person tells a younger person the technical information about reproduction. They explain what happens during the act and how the act is performed. They explain about the hygiene and biology involved. They do not engage in any sexual acts with the student. Kimi gave me technical information, in the language we both speak. He explained what I could expect to experience and told me how to protect myself.]

"He taught you how to pleasure a partner."

[He gave me the technical information for myself and mares. I chose what to do with the information.]

"According to the UN determination, Pilots are considered adults once they match or reach 16 years of age. According to the laws you were living under at the time, were you an adult on the day in question?"

[Yes.]

"The day in question, the defendant came into your room, against regulations and provided you, an adult, with sexual education you would otherwise have been denied, at your request."

[Yes.]

"Did he touch you in any way?”

Pilot reared back in disgust. This was mirrored by all the Racing Drivers and matches in the courtroom, including the translator and, notably, Kimi himself. [No! Kimi would never touch a Racing Driver who wasn't his.]

"Did he use vulgar language?"

[No.]

"Did he make lewd comments?"

[No!]

"How do you feel about the Training session you had with the defendant that afternoon?"

[I feel grateful. I would not have been able to live with myself without his help.]

"Do you feel it harmed you in any way?"

[No. He came again afterward to check that I was alright. All my Trainers have agreed I have a healthier approach to sexual relations than most of my species.]

"Objection, hearsay."

"The witness will refrain from hearsay."

[No, I don't feel it harmed me. I feel it helped me survive.]

The lawyer looked around the courtroom to judge reactions. "No further questions, your honor."


	42. Chapter 42

Further Testimony  
NATO Courthouse, Versailles, FIA Trials- 2017

 

Max led the stiff backed Pilot out of the courtroom when his testimony was over. Tumba was slumped back in his seat, head lolled back. Dan leaned over him to Daniil. "That didn't look good, man. They kind of pulled it out, but it REALLY looked bad."

"Yeah, we will go after them. Pilot looked like he was going to start screaming."

Oz tugged Tumba's sleeve and he leaned up to look at him. They exchanged a few gestures too fast and subtle for Dan and Daniil to make out.

Tumba nodded and he and Daniil stood and went out of the bench, up the balcony to the door to meet Pilot and Max.

There was some shuffling of paperwork from the lawyers and then the announcement of the next witness.

"The Prosecution calls Ryan Beckett."

The name sounded familiar to Dan, but he couldn't remember why. He leaned forward to look at the man who'd been sitting at the back of the main courtroom, below the balcony. He was tall and broad shouldered and had defined brows and a shark nose like Max. Dan thought he remembered seeing him at Redbull once or twice. Another match whose Racing Driver Kimi had tried to help, for sure. No Racing Driver though.

"Mr. Beckett, can you describe the relationship between yourself and the defendant?"

"Yeah, he was learning to be a Trainer when I was at Redbull. He was always going on about how close we should be to our Racing Drivers and how it was better for them if we touched them all the time."

Dan frowned. It was better for Racing Drivers to be touched more often, and Kimi and Jaamies had more than average contact, but Dan had known Kimi almost the whole time he'd been matched, and Kimi had never advocated undue closeness. Oz was less cuddly than some, and Kimi had never said a critical word to either of them about it.

"Inappropriate touching?"

"Hugging and kissing in public and everything. He was always grinding on that one of his."

Oz growled at the translator's interpretation of this.

Dan looked at Kimi. His shoulders were tight, and Dan could see how his hands were fisted white.

"Fucking Beckett,” Rami growled from a couple seats over. There were empty seats beside him. Dan would have been interested to see Sebastian and Jaamies' reaction to this.

"Did his contact with his Racing Driver make you uncomfortable?"

"Yeah. They didn't even bother to hide the fact they were..." He looked at the judge and around the courtroom, “Having sex. With his Racing Driver, like an animal."

The courtroom exploded. Infuriated Racing Drivers and matches were standing up and shouting. The crowd rose around him, and all Dan could think was of a story Carlos told on the road trip, about a kid who matched the year he had. A guy who'd begged Kimi for his autograph and got so humiliated when Kimi told him to be professional that he suggested Kimi was committing bestiality, sleeping with Jaamies. As though Kimi would ever have sex with Jaamies. As though Kimi would abuse his bond like that. 

And even worse, as though Racing Drivers were animals.

How dare he come here, where they were fighting for equality, and say terrible things like that?

How could he believe things like that about HIS Racing Driver? Or had no one ever told him his wasn't the only one who could send? Did he believe his was unique? How could his Racing Driver allow him to come here and say these things? Unless, like Racing Driver, his testimony was even more beneficial for Kimi when the defense lawyers had their turn. He sounded hateful, though. How could a Racing Driver hate Kimi?

[How is his partner reacting to him saying these things?] Dan asked Oz.

Oz looked away like he was scanning the crowd with his mind, [I don't feel a Racing Driver with him....] 'Ugh. Oh Ugh.' He gagged a little.

[What?]

[He's a broken match. His Racing Driver is gone, but the wound in his head, it's disgusting, it's...] He gagged again. 'When we found that mouse.'

Once at a track, they'd found a mouse lying on it's side along one of the outer walls of the garage. It was squirming and struggling. At first Dan had thought it was caught on something. Oz wanted to help it, so they got a screwdriver and tried to get it to move so they could see what it was caught on. It had turned over and they'd seen that it wasn't struggling at all. It wasn't alive at all. Just extremely full of maggots.

Putrid.

What the hell?

The crowd was settling down and the prosecutor asked another question. Sebastian, Sunshine and Jaamies were making their way through the spectators to their seats. As they sat down, the crowd lower down the balcony sat down and the view towards the courtroom cleared.

Dan had missed what the prosecutor asked, and the Translator had been obscured by the crowd but the man in the witness stand said, "Kimi ruined my career. His constant pushing made my Racing Driver demanding, he thought I should be treating him like Kimi treated his. I wasn't going to be dictated to by an animal, I don't care HOW expensive he was."

"Racing Drivers have been determined to be a sentient species, Mr Beckett, please refer to them that way."

"Yeah, NOW, but back then, we didn't know. I HATE FIA as much as every match here, but back then, I was an animal handler, and that's the way we saw it."

"Fucker. He knew better." Rami growled.

Why did Rami know who this guy was?

"What happened to your Racing Driver?"

"He got sick and they put him down."

Jaamies stood up and roared.

"YOU LIAR!" The scream was agonized. Dan had never heard Daniil in so much pain. The courtroom doors banged as they fell closed behind Daniil and Tumba. "MURDERER!" He leaned over the edge of the balcony and watched the two of them barge up the aisle. Two MP's who were acting as Bailiffs were with them, being half dragged. "Murdered him!"

Tumba was worse. He was wailing in a primal, animal cry. His arms were restrained by two MPs, and he couldn't gesture, but he was dragging them forward like they weren't there. It reminded Dan of a Racing Driver at their matching, when it took four men to hold one teenager down. Daniil was obviously very tightly bound to his partner, because they were moving in synchrony, even though Daniil only had one MP holding him.

"They die! They DIE when you leave them alone. You hated him to death!" Daniil stopped to take a hiccuping breath. "He was my friend. He was my friend. We couldn't love him enough to bring him back, because he was just coming back to YOU and your hatred. Men don't HATE animals! Loved him. Friend."

It was clear Daniil was not in charge anymore. He was sobbing in time with Tumba, and his arms were mirroring his partner's struggles.

Suddenly, Sunshine grabbed Sebastian's arm. He had gone white as a sheet. He let out a little gurgle. Impossibly, he took a harsh breath and went even whiter. Jaamies pushed Sebastian out of the way and pulled Sunshine out of his seat. He looked like he'd just had a stroke or an aneurysm or something. Jaamies slung Sunshine's arm over his shoulder and started hauling him out the row of seats. He pushed Rami and Elava back into their seats when they tried to help. [He killed him. Killed him. Killed my foal.] Sunshine gestured, looking at Jaamies, but not really at Jaamies. He gurgled again and closed his eyes.

Jaamies winced, and nodded and pulled Sunshine up the aisle. In the wider space of the aisle, Sebastian got under Sunshine's other arm. "Rami,” He barked back over his shoulder. "Call Valentino. Tell him something is wrong with Sunny."

There was some milling around from the spectators in the balcony as this went on, and when Dan glanced back at the courtroom, he saw Daniil and Tumba had been removed. There was crying in the corridor outside the courtroom. Dan followed Jaamies, Sunshine and Sebastian, with Oz at his heel, up the aisle and out of the balcony. 

The three headed for the main staircase and Dan decided he did not want to try to go around them. They went the other way down the hallway. They'd been in this building for long enough that he could find his way around. He took the back stairs. 

He crossed into the lobby at the front of the courtroom and came to where two MP's were trying to look as though they were detaining Daniil and Tumba. They were sitting on a bench, on either side of Jeremy Clarkson, crying into his shirt. He had his arms around their shoulders and he was telling the MP's that they had done their duty by escorting the two out of the courtroom, but arresting two grieving boys would not be necessary.

He looked up and saw Dan and Oz. He inclined his head. [Stallion,] he gestured the respectful title with a soft hand motion. He looked back to the MP's. They seemed unconvinced, but gradually turned away. [I found something of yours. I thought someone would need some comfort for this part.]

[They were very close to the dead Racing Driver,] Oz said.

Jeremy nodded. He rubbed his hands up and down their backs. [They don't seem ready to stop. This trial is dredging up a lot of old pain.]

[Why didn't you ask any of the Racing Drivers about Kimi? They are good judges of character,] Dan said.

[I will never be able to give a satisfactory answer to that. We made a mistake, a bad one. It could have been worse, but it was bad enough.]

[I mean, I'm not judging. I want to know. What did you look for? What made you say, he is with us, or he is against us?] Dan reached out and stroked Daniil's hair.

[We have been asking, many questions of many people. To find out who doesn't care and who does. Who will stand up for them and who will look away.]

[But, we lie. When we get asked if we hate what the companies do, we lie. We all look away from what they do.]

[That isn't how we ask the questions, straight out. Anyone asking like that is sure to be a liar. We ask questions like, 'When you shunt, does it scare you? Would you trade the money for your first win? What is your Racing Driver's favorite food?] Jeremy answered the question as Dan had answered it when James asked him on his visit to Top Gear. [Strawberry smoothies.]

Oz smiled. [Yes, I do like them the best.]

[Kimi didn't know Jaamies' favorite food is Roast beef?] Dan asked, pretty sure that was untrue.

[Kimi didn't bring Jaamies with him. He refused to. He drove the test himself. We know why, now, but we didn't, then. We just saw him being cold. We just saw him gladly doing what the companies told him. We watched. We knew the freeze was because he wanted privacy, but there were NEVER any reports of him being friendly with Racing Drivers. All we knew was he barely ever engaged with them, using gestures. He kept it hidden, he was good at keeping it hidden and we had NO way to see beyond the facade. We asked the Racing Drivers, they wouldn't talk about him.] Jeremy looked at Oz. [None of you ever told about Kimi, did you?]

Oz shook his head. [We had to protect Kimi. We didn't know this would happen. For as long as we've known, the only way to protect ourselves was hide the ones who could be hurt. The blind, the cross matched, the mares, the deaf, the cracked, the cold blooded.]

[No one could predict this.] Tumba leaned up, brushed the wetness off Daniil's cheeks when he looked up as well. [As long as we have lived with men, things have been the same.] He pursed his lips. [Nothing has changed, until now. Testing means nothing in the race.] He shrugged. [We are in THIS race, now, and we have to cope our best. When it is our turn, we will show them how fast we are. We will be fast for Kimi.]

Daniil raised his head and smiled. [We'll be VERY fast for Kimi.]

Oz turned around and looked at the front door of the courthouse with a laugh. [The fastest!]

Dan felt a flood of smug delight roll through their bond.

The courthouse doors opened. Romain Grosjean walked in, with his Racing Driver, Goose, beside him. Following them was Juan Pablo Montoya and Puma, Heikki Kovalainen and Kuiva, Toni Vilander and Duck, Jean Alesi and Je, and Giuliano Alesi and Gee, Fernando Alonso and Alondra, Felipe Massa and Mancha, Carlos Sainz and Fili, Giancarlo Fisichella and Fizzy, Kyle Busch and Rowdy, Markus Gronholm, and more.

The doors stayed open as men and Racing Drivers flooded the lobby.

Dan waved to get Carlos' attention. "Where's everyone else?"

Carlos grinned. "The second bus is outside. Ben said only the guys who are scheduled today should come. The rest will come the days they're scheduled."

The MP's came trotting back. "What's going on, here? What are you all doing here? You can't all come in here, these are closed hearings."

"That's alright, mate." Said Dan. "They're here to testify for the defense."


	43. Chapter 43

Rabbit's Testimony  
NATO Courthouse, Versailles, FIA Trials- 2017

 

The defense had by now, worked out how to overcome the strange naming practices of Racing Drivers. When they called the name Flash, the gate at the front of the courtroom had clogged and a recess had to be called while the defense worked out which of them was which and how to refer to them. 

The solution turned out to be simple.

"The defense calls Rabbit Webber."

Rabbit and Mark stood up and went to the front of the courtroom. Mark sat in the translator's place beside the witness stand.

They swore Rabbit in and then they swore Mark in. The swearing in had been a process, too. The first Blue had reacted with shocked affront that they should have to be asked if they would be honest. The first Red considered the wording, smirked and repeated word for word. His match had frowned and told him to agree to be a Blue while he was on the stand.

Rabbit kept shifting and readjusting his seat in the stand. The defense attorney asked him how he knew Kimi.

[I have raced with Kimi and Jaamies since I started racing in F1. He started working as a Trainer at the Redbull stable, and worked with my match and I. I was having a hard time getting along with my teammate. He helped us learn to get along. Jaamies found out Sunshine had been cutting me off from talking to anyone else, and he and Kimi told him they had to stop, and when he asked why I hadn't told anyone, he found out about the way Price blocked me from being able to talk about being cut off.]

"Who is Price?"

[The main Trainer Racing Driver at Redbull.]

The attorney made the court reporter make a note of who Price was matched with and the fact that neither of them had been found in the course of the investigation.

[What did Kimi do when he found out what had happened to you?]

[He fixed the block, so I could talk to Mark about it, and then we talked about it, and we made a plan that I wasn't going to go back to Redbull. We made a plan about what I should do when I was scared, and what to do to fix feeling like I was bad because of what happened.]

[When what happened?] The defense attorney asked.

Rabbit paused when he was asked why the block had been put on him. He made a shamed face. He looked at Mark and let out a low complaint.

Mark gulped, put his hand on Rabbit's arm and nodded.

He started to tell, but couldn't raise his eyes.

Rami's stomach turned.

Poor little boy.

Rami sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. He hadn't heard this story. As the Racing Driver described what had been done to him, and how Kimi had arranged to help, protect him, people reacted with shock, and a few quietly left the courtroom. They had to stop a few times because not Rabbit, but Mark choked with emotion.

How had Kimi dealt with it?

Elava had followed the usual Racing Driver procedure of keeping quiet about life at the stables. Rami had dealt with his bouts of sadness, but nothing as bad had ever happened to Elava as Rabbit was describing. Nothing that would make people leave the room during the telling.

Kimi had these stories, this pain in his life, in his home. Had endured the horror of hearing these things, and kept his head about him, to protect and advise, and plan.

Racing Drivers thrived on plans.

The Champions were the strong ones, because they were assured. The Champions knew what to do.

In the uncertainty of life in the stable, the ability to make plans and secondary and tertiary plans was the most valuable commodity.

The Racing Drivers who had testified on his behalf had all said Kimi's name with the emphasis that added the Champion title to it. 

After Rabbit had told the story, the defense attorney asked him if he knew that Kimi volunteered to perform all the euthanasia at the stables he worked at.

Sebastian's jaw tightened. When the video of Stopwatch had been shown, he'd stormed out of the room.

[I don't know if he volunteered, and I don't know about the other stables, but I know when he was at Redbull he did the euthanasia.]

"Can you tell me how you know that?"

[When Kimi was at the stable, there were never...] He looked to the side, swallowing several times, [Never any cries. When he was there, he comforted them. He made sure my herdmates died without pain.]

"We saw the video. He didn't appear to do anything to comfort Stopwatch Wilson. How do you know he saved them pain?"

Sebastian's face was twisted into an angry sneer. He was kneading Sunshine's hand in his.

[I shared with Racing Drivers he put down.]

"Please describe how he performed these euthanasia."

There was a growl from Sebastian. Low and rhythmic. Maybe he shouldn't be here for this. Would his friendship with Kimi survive this?

[He put his mind around theirs, so they couldn't feel their pain, and made them have a memory.]

"Can you describe what he made them remember?"

[They remembered being very young, being with their match in a grassy place. Sitting on a blanket and having food, and having running races, and swimming in a river. Then they and their match went to a house where their mother tucked them into bed, and they held hands and fell asleep. They never knew they were dying, they died happy.]

Rami's eyes snapped away from Sebastian. They locked on Rabbit. What?

"Racing Drivers grow up in stables. They don't meet their matches until they are teenagers. They sleep standing in cupboards. How would they be able to remember a picnic? A day in the countryside? Being tucked into a bed?"

[He used his own memories. He made them remember a perfect day. One that he lived. Safe and happy with the person they loved most.]

Rami felt like he was floating behind himself. 

 

_The July sun was hot. Rami brushed the sandwich crumbs off his shorts and smiled at his little brother. "Let's race to the river, Kimi!" He stood and when the other boy stood, he took off running. He was taller and longer legged. Kimi couldn't have kept up. Rami slowed and let him pull ahead, let him reach the water first. Laughed in delight at how HAPPY the win made him. He ruffled his hair. "Mama!" He called up the hill. "May we go swimming, now?"_

_The blonde figure on the hill raised her hand in acknowledgement. The boys peeled off their t-shirts and barreled into the cold water. They splashed and played. Racing to swim to the big rock on the other side and back. They swum until Kimi started shivering in the chill. They went to chase little lizards among the sun warmed rocks._

_As the sunset that evening, they walked back to the vacation cottage. They held hands on the walk back. Smiling back at their parents walking behind them. Mama sang them silly songs. She tucked them into the unfamiliar beds._

_"Rami?" Kimi's voice sounded tiny in the dark. "What's that noise?"_

_Rami scooted to the edge of his bed. "Kimi, reach over here." He held his hand out and waited until Kimi's found it in the darkness. "I'm here, Kimi. You're safe. No matter what happens, we'll take care of each other."_

_"Okay, Rami." His voice was sleepy. After only a few moments, he felt Kimi's hand go slack in his. He got up out of bed and tucked Kimi's arm under the covers. Then lay down, smiling contentedly until he followed his brother into sleep._

That was last thing those Racing Drivers had experienced? Rami holding their hand as they drifted into the last darkness?

He couldn't see Rabbit's gestures anymore, through the haze of tears.

"That was us. He was showing them us. There is no way Rabbit could know that. Not unless he had seen it. He was protecting them, Sebastian. If Stopwatch wasn't feeling his body, if he was having a picnic with Justin. How can you hate Kimi for that?" Rami put his face in his hands.

He took a moment to compose himself. When he cleared his eyes and looked up again, Sebastian was watching him.

"We can't lose him, Rami," Sebastian whispered, hoarsely, through his tears.


	44. Chapter 44

Watching the Trial  
NATO Courthouse, Versailles, FIA Trials- 2017

 

It was weird rooting against the lawyers they'd all worked with so closely to make the charges against FIA stick. The prosecution insisted if they didn't get a conviction with Kimi, the entire case would fall apart. None of the GTC really wanted Kimi to be the example made, though. Not when there were real bad guys out there, somewhere.

Somewhere, but not here.

No one to blame but Kimi was here.

The defense had welcomed the flood of Racing Drivers. Ben got the feeling they assumed that they would stand up for the other handlers the same way. No one corrected the misconception.

[They already explained everything to the Decider, why are they explaining everything again?] Silence asked Ben. The Racing Drivers could understand stewards, but somehow the lady judge overseeing the case had been explained to them as the Decider.

Ben and the two Top Gear Pilots were standing at the corner of the courthouse building. James, Jeremy and Richard were inside waiting to listen to final arguments. He hadn't seen Max and Freeza, the newest Stig, since they'd arrived with Richard from the North Pole camp, a few days before. The Racing Drivers were VERY good at patience when there was some tangible benefit, but listening to people talk for hours, when the terms and significance didn't fully translate, was wearing on them.

[To make it one simple explanation, it has been lots of days, they want to remind her of everything.]

The alarm beeped on his phone, letting him know it was time to go in. The two Pilots followed him. Silence and Stig walked side by side, and Ben noticed that Stig walked closer to him, now, than he ever had in the 15 years they'd known each other, before. Of course, he hadn't been around much, after 2009. He still didn't touch him, but he didn't step away, either.

They sat down in the back of the main courtroom, the Pilots directly behind James and Richard, Ben behind Jeremy. The Grand Tour guys weren't the plaintiffs, the handlers were being prosecuted by the actual government, but the guys, as the investigators who had collected the evidence and built the case, were accorded seats directly behind the attorney's table.

The prosecutor's final argument ran along the lines of 'This guy is clearly a jerk, he requests euthanization duty, he was inappropriate with Racing Driver, he threatened and then executed blackmail against Ryan Beckett, and he was an eager follower of FIA, climbing his way up the ladder.'

The defense attorney stood. "Your honor. The prosecution's claims Kimi Raikkonen has, in the course of his obligations as a FIA licensed Trainer, caused injury to innumerable Pilots. In their arguments, they have not proven their claim of injury. Though he was coerced, for the sake of himself and his family to do the FIA's bidding, Kimi has at EVERY opportunity, subverted and protected them instead. Even endangering his own life to do so."

"He has a deep connection with the community of Pilots. Wherever he has gone, Kimi has changed lives for the better, either by offering comfort, advice, therapy, or education. Look how many of them love him enough to come and testify for him."

"Even in circumstances where there was no choice that would allow him to save their lives, Kimi went above and beyond what any other person would or even could do to help them. His connection drove him to protect them in their most desperate hour, the time they were without the most important person, the only comfort in their life, he risked his livelihood, his life and his safety to offer them a shred of dignity and comfort, many for the first time in their lives."

"As for his meeting with Pilot on February 16, 2010, Pilot knew he was facing a rape, for which he lacked the most basic ability to defend himself- the ability to resist. He asked Kimi's advice and help. Again, risking his livelihood, and his safety, he offered Pilot an explanation, of Pilot's own body, and that of the female with whom he would share to endure a horrific violation. So that Pilot would be prepared for what was going to happen, so he could minimize the damage. He was GOING to be raped, that is beyond question, the defendant couldn't stop that. He COULD offer him understanding, to make it less dangerous, less painful, less frightening. The defendant couldn't take that away, he could only ease it. He did. As a result of his actions, Pilot remains untraumatized, and was better able to cope with his situation the next time."

"The prosecutor alleges that this was abuse. It wasn't. The conversation was considered by all to be an appropriate, professional, even medical discussion. It took place via the accepted means of dispensing information. The equivalent of a human using diagrams and explanations. It took place between two adults. There was never physical contact between the defendant and the witness. It cannot be considered abuse."

"The charge of blackmail is equally ridiculous. The defendant didn't initiate the blackmail. The blackmail was already IN Ryan Beckett's contract. The defendant merely made him aware of the consequences, according to the contract he'd signed, of his actions, when Ryan Beckett caused the death of his Stig partner. There may have been criminal activity on the part of whoever wrote the contract, but the defendant was not responsible, not even involved in that."

[This woman will say these things about all the handlers, won't she?] Stig asked, suddenly.

Ben nodded. [That is why the prosecutor is being so hard on Kimi, because if the Decider thinks he wasn't being bad, then she might not think the others were being bad, if the woman says the same things about all of them.]

[All the handlers?] Stig asked.

Where was this going? [Yes.]

[The men at the holding facilities?] There was such utter disgust on Stig's face. James, otherwise unmoving, reached his hand down behind his seat and took Stig's hand.

Silence leaned around him to where he could see him and put a hand on his shoulder, revving comfortingly.

It was uncomfortable seeing the pure rage on the normally completely placid face. Even more, since the face looked so much like his own. 

Stig stared at the ceiling, his lower jaw jutted forward. He touched the scar under his eye. Since the first time they'd met, Ben had since learned he had another under the eyebrow on the same side, the other half of the set. [The men who were taken to be locked in. They did things like this. It was bad enough when the handlers at the holding facility hurt me. I was afraid for a long time, because I didn't know I would see again. I would have liked someone like Kimi to come tell me I would be able to see.]

Silence smiled and twisted a little of Stig's hair between his fingers in what seemed to be their private shorthand for comfort. Kimi HAD come to give Silence hope. Silence had always made it clear Kimi was his hero, but never told anyone why, until after they were on the Grand Tour and word came from Mindy that Kimi was unexpectedly at the North Pole camp.

For Stig, hope and rescue had come in the form of James, who he loved reservedly, but unequivocally. [She has no right to say the handlers are good.] He shook his head. [None.] His hand was white around James’s.

James turned around and looked at him for a moment. Stig stared back.

Ben wondered if they were sharing telepathic communication.

Sometimes, even when they weren't, they were so alike.

It was strange to watch.

Stig seemed calmer.

[I don't want the handlers to go free, just Kimi. If there is anyone else nice, I want them to go free, too.] Silence gestured.

He was younger, and less intensely isolationist than Stig. Some of the bounciness of his personality was directly due to long term contact with Richard, Ben was sure. Racing Drivers who wore white were not known for their emotional range. Stig was the ultimate White Racing Driver. Kimi's Racing Driver, Jaamies was regarded as one of the most intensely White Racing Drivers, as well, very much like his human.


	45. Chapter 45

Determination  
The End of Kimi’s Trial

 

When the closing arguments were finished, the judge went to her chambers to consider her verdict. She didn't bother to send them away.

She was back after only about 15 minutes. The courtroom full of men and women who'd spent lifetimes reading body language could see the answer as soon as she came back and looked at Kimi.

A Racing Driver voice in the balcony started crying. It wasn't Jaamies. He was outside, with Sunshine and Some others, being protected. Kimi suspected it was Elava, and he wished hadn't thought it.

"This case has been fraught with difficult considerations. I have been presented with a decision about the fate of a man who has been accused of terrible crimes by his colleagues, but who is universally loved by his alleged victims.”

The judge looked around the courtroom. She had seemed to be empathetic to the prosecution. She had defended the rights of the Pilots to be referred to as sentient beings by the witnesses in the cases. She had been neutral towards the evidence, and Kimi, but he believed she would stand against the companies. 

She continued, “The defendant has confessed to knowingly euthanizing self aware creatures, but only those condemned to die regardless, and in the most painless way possible. He has threatened and blackmailed, but only as a mouthpiece for the organisation he worked for, which in turn was threatening and blackmailing him and the ones he loves. I cannot imagine that most men in his situation would act as graciously and selflessly, tirelessly." She sighed. "However, there is more to consider than this case. This case will set the precedent for hundreds more like it. The law is clear in this case. If I allow this man to go free because he had good reasons for committing these crimes..."

The door of the courtroom banged open.

The judge sighed. "I would say this is highly irregular, but considering the way the rest of this trial has gone, I can't even say I'm surprised." She muttered to the bailiff.

Valtteri Bottas and his Stig, Pauli walked into the courtroom. They were holding a loop of zip tie, attached to a chain of zip ties. Into the courtroom behind him trudged a line of 30 men and women. Behind them was Esteban Gutierrez, holding the other end of the zip tie chain.

[Your honor.] Pauli gestured and Valtteri translated. [This man is innocent.] He pointed to Kimi. [These people are to blame for all the crimes he has been accused of. These people are the ones responsible for all the crimes the companies have committed against Racing Drivers and against humanity.] They announced loudly. [We have brought witnesses who will testify.]

Giedo Van Der Garde and Guardian walked in, at the head of a procession of unbound men and women. There were gasps. It was the heads of the stables, the team managers, and the Trainers. Toto Wolff and Susie held hands and stood straight and tall. They both glared with hatred at the people who'd held them captive. Christian Horner was smirking.

[And there are others who have never had the chance to speak or break free,] Pauli and Valtteri continued.

A very tall, thin, beautiful blonde mare and a tall, thin beautiful blonde man who matched nearly perfectly, walked into the room. [The heads of FIA had victims who suffered even more greatly than the rest of the stables.] Freeza announced, with her Max translating for her. She smiled gently at the huddling mass of Racing Drivers who crowded into the room, softly encouraged by Dani Clos and Zuri, and Qinghua Ma and Leaf. Some of them bore striking resemblances to the governors of the FIA. [Their own matched Pilots, forced to participate in the atrocities against their people.]

[We brought proof that no matter what was done openly in the stables, what was done in secret was worse. Things no one could have imagined in their worst nightmares have been done. We brought new charges, and new evidence.] Pauli said.

The others herded their witnesses out of the courtroom, but Freeza and Max stayed behind. The door hung open for a long time. Then there were gasps from the Racing Drivers in the audience.

Jean Eric Vergne came in with a single Racing Driver, who had been safe and sound at one of the refugee camps, her match was beside her. "When matches die away from the track, the Stig's career is over. We were always told Racing Drivers who can't race, die. It's not true. The reality is so much worse. But the lie of what is done to the surviving Racing Drivers is nothing compared to the lie they use to give Racing Drivers hope."

JEV, Jean Eric's Stig walked in, pushing a wheelchair. In the wheelchair was a man. Behind him came Alexander Rossi pushing another wheelchair. 

Alexander's Stig Xerxes pushed a third. His face was drawn. [Racing Drivers never fought. We accepted our subjugation, because there was never anything to be done about it. We paid the price, we gave the best of our stallions and mares to man, to the companies, and only ever asked that our herds be safe and our matches be free. The companies, THESE MEN,] The impossibly slow, precise gesturing it took for Xerxes to say this, with hands mishealed from being crushed almost beyond use, was incredibly effective. The expression of his face and body did the rest of making his message clear. He was uttering a low, spitting, overheated engine hiss and shaking with fury. He thrust out a mangled hand towards the governors of the companies, [These men do NOT let the matches free.]

JEV, Alexander and Xerxes turned the wheelchairs towards the crowd. Gasps went up. Wails and moans. The human matches of the 3 Racing Drivers most recently lost in crashes looked up at them. Proud and angry. The matches they'd been assured had gone free and sent away to secret lives somewhere else, had instead been rescued from a hospital where they'd been imprisoned, wasting away, restrained to their beds.

"Justin!" Kimi called, the first time he'd reacted to any of this.

The man turned his head. His eyes lit up. "Kimi. Take me over there," He said to Alexander. Alexander wheeled him over. "They told me you were the last one with Stopwatch," Justin reached out with one arm. "They told me what you did."

The court had watched the video of Justin's Racing Driver writhing and foaming at the mouth when Kimi euthanised him. They'd also heard the account of how Kimi had closed him away from the agony of his already dying body, and held him safely in a happy dream until his pain had ended completely.

Kimi leaned into Justin's hug. "He was so strong, Justin," Kimi murmured, stroking Justin's back. "He was brave because he knew you were proud of him," He whispered fiercely in Justin's ear, "He loved you so much. He was proud of you, too."

"You told him I love him forever?" Justin confirmed.

"Every day for the rest of your life. He's here while you are." Kimi put one hand around the back of Justin's head and the other on Justin's heart. Justin let out a little wail and Xerxes and Alexander exchanged glances.

Justin nodded. "Okay."

"We'll remember him, won't we?" Kimi said.

Justin nodded again.

Kimi looked at the two other matches whose Racing Drivers had died in crashes. "We will remember them. Dilly and Dart."

He hadn't been there for Dilly and Dart. Neither of them lived at stables he worked with, neither of them were in the class of racing he worked with. He knew, though. Looked for their names when he heard what had happened to them. Remembered, even though he'd never met them.

He'd known Stopwatch, though. Stopwatch had been an F1 Stig. Kimi had shared thoughts and feelings with him lots of times. It had been easy to customise the dream to protect Stopwatch, Kimi knew his heart.

Everyone watched one of Kimi’s alleged victims hug him and express his gratitude.

The team of prosecuting attorneys, truly the Grand Tour’s allies against FIA, had a hurried conference. The lead attorney stepped forward.

Kimi looked up and watched them.

“In light of this new evidence, the prosecution requests this case be dismissed and drops all charges.”

The judge looked at them and smiled sarcastically. “If that is the case, possibly we can get on to charging the REAL criminals, counselor. Case dismissed.”

Kimi had never expected how glad he would be to hear this determination.


	46. Chapter 46

Explanation  
FIA Trials, Versailles- 2017

 

The sun was not putting out much warmth, even in the early afternoon. It was high in the sky, but the air was filled with a cool, thin fog. There was a breeze. That made a difference in how warm it was. The front of the house faced the east. Kimi was sitting on the top of three pink concrete steps. Rami had the sense to rent a house, seeing that the hotel would quickly become a liability. He, Elava, Jaamies had lived here, with Sebastian and Sunshine staying with them part of the time so Jaamies could keep an eye on them. The rest of the time they stayed in the house Michael's family had rented, with Shoe. Now that Kimi was free, Rami had gone home to his family. He'd promised to come back immediately if Kimi needed him.

Jaamies came out of the front door with a beer in one hand and a bottle of orange juice in the other. He handed Kimi the beer. Kimi was picking up the tickle that would become Sunshine as the car he was in drew closer. He knew Jaamies' range was broader than his own. That was probably why he'd come out. It still made him uncomfortable to be next to Kimi with both their faces showing to the world, a lifetime of conditioning. He stayed in the house and on the private back garden as much as possible.

[Do you think I'm imagining things?] Kimi asked, again. He took a drink of his beer.

[I didn't meet the girl.]

[You took apart that block Sunshine is always holding.]

Jaamies shifted, discarding the responsibility.

They sat in silence. Sebastian's car pulled into the driveway.

Sebastian's hair was growing back, but Sunshine was keeping his just longer than buzzed length. Sunshine was wearing red, a slightly darker shade than Roja Corsa. Sebastian was wearing jeans and a black shirt. He had a red jacket on, though.

Kimi reached out and groped around in the space around Sunshine's mind. The 4 time Champion shone like the sun. It was like trying to spot a match flame in front of a headlight. He did feel suddenly VERY disinclined to keep searching.

'Did you just slap my hand?' he asked Sunshine with a little mental smirk.

Sunshine made a disgruntled face. 'No,' he lied, perfectly.

Jaamies trooped down the steps and hugged his friend. He took Sunshine's hand in one hand and Sebastian's in the other and led them towards the house. Kimi stood and held the door open for them. "We need to talk about something."

Sunshine's eyes narrowed at Kimi's speaking Finnish, without gesturing along with it.

"What is it?" Sebastian asked.

Jaamies, Sunshine and Sebastian sat on the couch and Kimi sat on the coffee table, facing Sebastian. "I went on a consultation. I met a girl who was in an unusual situation. You'll be finding out about it, soon enough, so I will tell you. She was part of a family, like any other family. Her father was matched to a Racing Driver. At some point, her mother mistook him for her father, and since he couldn't correct her, she had a child. His child."

Sebastian's eyes went wide.

"The girl grew up thinking she was human. She had the ability to talk to Racing Drivers, but since she never used it, it was like muscles that atrophy. She drove, she had to. She could instinctively understand gestures. She was drawn to Racing Drivers as soon as she met them."

"That must have been so hard for her," He said, slowly.

"When I met her, I could feel, not a connection, but I could feel her there."

"Then she could learn to connect to Racing Drivers!" His eyes went wide, delighted with the menu of possibilities.

Kimi ignored this outburst. "I've felt that before."

"REALLY? Well, I suppose some of the legacies...the same thing could happen."

"Not like this," he took a breath. He looked at Sunshine; he had his head sideways and half a pout on his face. "When I first got to the grid, there was a match, he had to drive, he had a great instinct for gestures, and all the Racing Drivers loved him."

"Who was it?" Sebastian leaned forward.

"Michael." Kimi watched Sebastian's lower eyelids come up and his slow nod.

"Of course, really. No wonder Shoe was so strong, a Racing Driver and a half. He could draw on Michael's strength and be better than anyone else drawing on their match." No real surprise on his face. He must have known, instinctively.

"He's not the only one, Sebastian. Jaamies taught me to block out hearing all the other Racing Drivers because he picked apart a block Sunshine is always holding. Like the one he used to keep Rabbit quiet,"

Sunshine stood up and made a noise, half rev, half brake squeal.

"Except he's holding it on you."

Sebastian closed his eyes and leaned back.

Kimi carried on, "It was easy for him to block Rabbit, because he's had practice hiding you. So the other Racing Drivers wouldn't be able to tell you were there, so you would be safe from FIA." He swallowed, glanced up at Sunshine, who was gesturing at him with general protests. "Blocks aren't effective for very long, he would have had to keep changing it. Did you ever..." He took a deep breath, this was going to be the first time he had ever said anything like this, "suspect you could feel what a Racing Driver was feeling, or what they wanted you to know. Did you ever feel like there was motion outside your head, but you felt it inside your head? Could you ever tell when one of the Racing Drivers on the grid was really emotional?"

Sebastian pressed his lips together. "I always knew Jaamies liked me talking to him. I KNEW, even though his body language didn't always say it. I LOVED that feeling. I would try to find it whenever I was at the track." His cheeks scrunched up. "Mostly, I felt so sad when Sunny and Rabbit argued. I wanted him to stop. I wanted Sunny to stop so bad, but I couldn't ask him to stop. It would have been losing. It never made sense that I was scared to trust Sunshine to lead me." There were tears in his eyes.

Kimi's hands went to fists. No. This couldn't have caused that.

[It's not, it's not, it's not his fault,] Sunshine was gesturing.

Of course the closest Racing Driver, the one Sebastian was with almost as much as he was with Sunny, of course Rabbit was the one he connected with the most. The block must have been wearing through constantly. With Sebastian reaching out to feel other Racing Drivers. With Rabbit sending out such strong emotions, that would have been easy to pick up on.

Rabbit's refusal to give in. Sebastian had felt it. Never been able to stop Sunshine because of it. Never been able to provide the emotional braking his Racing Driver needed.

Shit.

This was bad.

Then it got worse.

"Kimi! Teach me to talk to all the Racing Drivers! So I can be like you."

"No."

Sebastian wasn't listening. "Does this mean my mother...no, she never would have had the opportunity. Maybe since I'm part Racing Driver, I really AM Sunny's brother! But then, that would mean he is half human too, and he isn't."

Sunshine snorted and rolled his eyes. [I am damn sure not a human.]

"I've seen his pedigree. He's Shoe's son." His eyes bulged. He looked at Kimi. "Fuck. Am I...? Kimi, we look alike! Maybe...maybe I'm not Shoe's son, maybe I'm Michael's son. But that would make me only a quarter. Unless...If they could do it in 1994, they could do it in 1987. Maybe I am Shoe AND Michael's son. That would make me 3/4 Racing Driver, and I COULD be Sunny's twin. I just have..." he thought for a second.

[I am not a human,] Sunshine said, again, he pushed Jaamies to make room on the couch and sat back down.

"A more human throat, so I can speak. I was probably born in the stable, and when they realized I could talk, they realized they couldn't raise me there, and I went to live with my family." Then he stopped.

Kimi watched him. He had embraced this idea remarkably quickly, abandoned his humanity insanely quickly.

"I felt out of place my whole life. I felt so happy. I itched when I couldn't drive," he murmured. "The only place I felt right was on the track." He looked up at Kimi. "The first time I met Michael," he shivered, "He cared about me, I could feel it, he was the only person I ever felt connected to, until I went to Grand Prixs and it was like...being with my family. You..."

A Racing Driver, raised outside a stable, with no one to talk to, he obviously had a higher tolerance for going without driving. His first tastes of Racing Driver company must have been a balm. No one he fought so hard for a life driving. Even without the craving for cars, he'd have still craved for other Racing Drivers.

"I remember the first time I ever saw you. You walked past me, and I waved and screamed your name, but you didn't see me. I was just a boy in the crowd. You feel like that place in the Grand Tour broadcast looks. You feel like the homeland. That's what this," he gestured Kimi's namesign, "Means, doesn't it? How can you feel like that? Like a place none of them have ever been?"

Kimi just shrugged.

"My parents aren't my parents, Kimi? They adopted me. I...belong in a stable." His face twisted in pain and Kimi and the two Racing Drivers all rushed to put their arms around him, getting in each other's way, and Sunshine accidentally poking Kimi in the face.

"You are where you are," he reassured him. "We will find out where you came from. We know where you belong. You belong here."

 

\--

 

Sebastian cooked carbonara.

Jaamies loved pasta. His stomach was pretty well able to deal with grain based foods, compared to most RD's. Apparently, Sebastian's was, too, because he had never had any of the gluten intolerance symptoms Racing Drivers usually had to grains.

During dinner he sat up, suddenly. [Sunshine! If I am half Racing Driver, we can match! I can match you back and we'll be even faster.]

Sunshine stirred his meat and red peppers. He looked down with a stressed look on his face.

His gesture was small, [No.]

Sebastian's face fell and Sunshine immediately looked up, regret on his face.

[Not because I don't want to, because we cannot.] Sunshine's jaw was tight.

[Sure we can, Wild Racing Drivers match with each other.] Sebastian was getting excited about the idea, waving his hands in big gestures.

Sunny stared at him. Then he nodded. [I should have told you. Sebastian, what you would have done...if you had known? It would have made you miserable.]

Sebastian felt Sunny take control of his mind. He remembered Sunshine having a red helmet pulled off his face and staring into Sebastian's face. The way he had touched inside Sebastian's mind. Made him faster, made him stronger, and branded himself into Sebastian's heart.

Then he remembered being himself, little human teenager, ready to have a best friend for life, looking into grey eyes and screaming his love for a Finnish human he thought was like him. Sunshine had come later. Sunshine had built his matching bond over and around and interwoven with the bond Sebastian had already forged.

Which he had spent years blocking off so Sebastian and Kimi would never hear each other and know. Sebastian felt the discomfort and the loneliness end as Sunshine released the block and Kimi filled Sebastian's mind with soothing safety.

Jaamies hand slammed into the table hard enough to make the plates jump.

They all looked at him. All of them radiating Kimi's calm.

[You have known this as long as we have known each other. You have KEPT this from me.]

Sunshine dropped his eyes.

[You KNEW I have been trying to find out what makes Kimi the way he is. You looked at me and said to me, 'It is odd, who can know why?' You have known part of the answer for all these seasons!]

Kimi turned to Sebastian. "I neglected you. I'm sorry. You couldn't balance, and I wasn't helping."

[NO!] Sunshine and Jaamies screamed, sensing the meaning of the words.

[You are MINE! First mine. One with ME.] Jaamies signed.

[He is mine. WE have been together.]

[I think,] Gestured Sebastian, slowly, [Whether we like it or not, we are cross bonded.]

[I like it,] Kimi gestured.

[If Sunshine bonds with Kimi, he will be bonded with all his Racing Drivers.] Sebastian gestured.

[I think it makes more sense if Sunshine and I bond,] Jaamies said, quietly. [Each of us bonded to our men and our men bonded and we, the...full blooded Racing Drivers bonded.]

[Does this mean you'll teach me to talk to them like you do?] Sebastian asked Kimi.

[No, I don't talk like they talk,] Kimi said, [We figured that out.]

[I will teach you to talk with your real voice.] Sunshine put his forehead to Sebastian's. [My brother. My real brother.]


	47. Chapter 47

Communicate  
Versailles, FIA Trials- 2017

 

Sebastian was reaching from his mind towards Sunshine’s, to be picked up, to be held.

Sunshine very carefully unplugged his soft, new connections and one by one, reconnected them to the corresponding places in his own body. ‘Are you alright, loved one?’ He confirmed before putting himself in Sebastian’s body. ‘Does everything work?’

He moved and tested his ability to send to Rasoio, and to Shoe. ‘I’m fine.’

Sunshine took care not to damage the freshly opened connections in Sebastian’s mind. They were like new tree shoots, or the skin under a scab. His tests went more quickly, until he tried to gesture.

“What?” His voice said.

He tried to gesture the palm upward sign again. “What?”

Valentino and Rasoio just watched him, Sebastian revved in alarm.

It took him what seemed like a long time to get used to vocal communication. Sebastian’s body kept reverting to gestures, if he wasn’t careful. It had enough Racing Driver blood to make it just as natural to speak by signs.

Too, it kept trying to talk to Valentino in what Sebastian explained by sending was yet ANOTHER language. Humans not only spoke sounds that were incomprehensible to Racing Drivers, they spoke sounds that were incomprehensible to one another, unless they were the right sounds.

‘How many languages do you people HAVE?!’ Sunshine demanded.

‘Lots of them. I only speak 4.’

‘Which of them does Mark speak?!’

“English,” Valentino said, aloud. “Your body wants to speak to me in Italian. Your body will want to speak to Mark in English. My body speaks naturally Italian, but when Rasoio uses it to speak to his friend, to him it knows to speak in English.”

“Alright,” After a moment he said, “Stupid humans and their misunderstanding of even the most basic goodness and decency, I require so much patience to continue tolerating this, for humans are an irreverent group of creatures, and they know nothing of having hearts and how it is to share love and hope."

Valentino laughed.

Sunshine sighed in exasperation. “That! That is what I meant! The exhale noise.”

Valentino took him by the shoulders and turned him around, “Don’t think so hard. Just think what you want him to understand, your body will take care of the rest.”

He gave him a gentle push and Sunshine went out the door.

Sunshine walked out of the conference room into the office where Mark and Rabbit were waiting. His own body was in the conference room, able to sense the difference between which was human and which Racing Driver, and Sebastian’s body could sense Rabbit’s mind and the dim shadow of him that was Mark, a human match.

Rabbit was in all blue. Sunshine looked down. Sebastian had been wearing jeans and a white t-shirt when they exchanged. His mouth quirked, uncomfortably, but he put the concern aside, as he always had wearing yellow and blue team coveralls for Redbull.

The Racing Driver passed him, looking at him with an expression of curiosity, and then he was gone and Sunny was alone with Mark.

For the first time.

He leaned on the wall beside the door.

“You walk differently than he does,” Mark said.

His voice. He formed the words oddly, but Sunshine could understand him, perfectly. He spoke more softly than Sunshine had thought. He folded his arms. “I ought to.”

Mark was leaning on the desk, long legs crossed at the ankles. His eyes opened more when he heard Sunshine speak. “You don’t have an accent.”

“What is an accent?”

“Usually you sound like you’re speaking English, but you make a lot of the words the German way.”

“Der Deutsche Weise?” The words felt different in his mouth. He shook his head. He couldn’t keep the languages straight if he started talking about it. “I will speak English or get confused. Racing Drivers only have one language.”

“Yeah, mate.”

Sunshine recoiled. “What did you just call me?!”

Mark's hands went up, “Not like that. Where I come from it’s just a word that means friend.”

Sunshine sighed in exasperation again. This time the sentiment didn’t express itself in words, fortunately. “This is new. You and I have never spoken before. Not really. Sebastian says this might be why we could never get along. We both know this isn’t why we didn’t get along. Neither of us is fooled by the other’s lies.”

Mark smiled, “Exactly. You pretending to be sweet, friendly and naive never confused me.”

Sunshine grinned back with a nod. “Yes and your behaving as though you had no idea what was going on with the team and did nothing to deserve their treatment was equally clear to me as being false.”

The creases around Mark's eyes deepened. “Of course you knew I thought you were a coward and a selfish, manipulative, scheming little bastard.”

Selfish?! Sunshine’s jaw set, but his smile got wider. “I’m surprised you stopped playing hero at the cameras long enough to notice, you were always too busy hanging him in danger as the flag for your cause to realize it was your fault they were hurting him.”

He could hear the seething noise Mark made.

Sunshine carried on, “And the rest of my FAMILY, paid the price you self righteous piece of shit. Because you refused to protect him.”

That really hadn’t just been Mark, that had been Sunshine’s fault, too. He had made the decision that had left the herd to suffer.

“At least we were fighting for a cause. You were just fighting for WINS.” Mark crossed his arms now. Maybe more like a Racing Driver than Sunshine, because he was doing it because he felt defensive.

Sunshine screamed, his entire body behind the noise, nearly doubling with pushing the feeling so hard, “I...HATE...YOU!”

“I HATE YOU, TOO!” Mark yelled back. His face was red and his blood vessels were standing out.

Sunny panted. He wasn’t used to loud vocalizations. He hadn’t roared a challenge at anyone SINCE Rabbit, and that had been even before Rabbit left. He took a deep breath. He felt a lot better, having said that.

Mark cupped his elbow in his hand. “That pretty much sorts it, then, doesn’t it?”

Sunshine laughed. Mark really WAS funny. “I think that it does,” He laughed his agreement. “I’m glad we talked.” He held his hand out, fear of rejection rippling through him, even as he offered the gesture.

Mark took it with a grin and gave it one fierce pump. “Let’s tell our partners we’ve talked it all out.”

They opened the door and walked into the conference room.

They both stopped.

Sebastian was occupying Sunshine’s body.

They’d both known that.

Neither of them expected what they came out to find.

Rabbit was sitting on the floor, with his back to the wall, cuddling a lap full of young Racing Driver. Sebastian was curled up, with his left arm behind Rabbit’s back, and his right arm around Rabbit’s left shoulder, head tucked against Rabbit’s chest, watching out of the corner of his eye while Rabbit gestured.

[If you had grown up in my herd, I would have made sure you learned all the songs, when you were still a little Racing Driver. Oh, I’d have been so proud to have a colt like you,] He smiled and booped Sebastian’s nose, [My wonderful little colt.]

Sebastian smiled like he was in bliss and kissed Rabbit’s nose, causing the older stallion to blush.

[Now, I will teach you The Song of the 24 Hours.]

They both looked up suddenly at Sunshine and Mark.

[Did you talk?] Demanded Rabbit.

[There were loud noises,] Sebastian added, suspiciously. He couldn’t have been sure what kind of noises.

[We told each other what we needed to hear,] Sunshine said.

It would have worked with anyone but Rabbit and Sebastian, and maybe Kimi and Jaamies. The only ones who could tell when Sunshine was lying.

Both Racing Drivers pointed back to the office. [Don’t come out until you’ve worked it out. Remember you are stallions, not unweaned babies,] Rabbit told them.

[Championship is problem solving!] Sebastian gestured. He turned back to Rabbit. [Now, The Song of the 24 Hours.]

[Some men say a Racer is made out of steel, a team Racer’s made out of strength and will, strength and will and steel and glass, a voice that’s quiet and a hand that’s fast…] Rabbit sang. Neither of them were looking, now.

Sunshine and Mark retreated to the office.

“Is it his being in a Racing Driver body, that’s why Rabbit will touch him?” Mark asked.

“He could touch this body, it’s enough Racing Driver not to bother anyone. Sebastian is just polite enough not to.” Sunshine folded his arms and leaned back on the wall.

“Does he hate being touched by humans?” Mark gestured to the body Sunshine was wearing.

In answer, Sunshine held his hand out, palm upwards, hand  
loose.

Mark reached out, pausing partway and searching Sunshine’s eyes to see if he’d misinterpreted. His hands were bigger than Sunshine’s. Rabbit had told him once that when he’d matched, he’d associated men’s hands with punishment, and been afraid Mark would hit harder because he had such big hands.

In this body there was no reaction, no muscle memory screaming at him to pull away, to protect himself.

Mark had never hit Rabbit.

Never hurt Rabbit.

His skin was soft when it clasped around Sunshine’s hand. He didn’t feel afraid. He didn’t want to pull away.

Mark's thumb brushed over the soft skin of his wrist, and Mark's green eyes searched Sunshine’s for hints of fear, or anger.

It felt nice.

Holding Mark's hand.

He let his fingers settle gently around Mark's wrist and looked down. Mark's skin was a darker tone than Sebastian’s.

“Do you think we,” Suddenly the silence was broken by the quietest words Sunshine had ever heard, like starting a gesture and barely even moving, “Could sit like they are?”

He looked around, who else was in here?

There was a soft smile on Mark's face, his lips hadn’t moved. Even words that quiet needed lips to move.

Had...he...said them?

Valentino said this body would tell Mark what he wanted him to know, if he just let it.

Mark was moving closer, still holding Sunshine’s hand, and his arm was swinging around Sunshine’s back. Then he let go of his hand and put his other arm under Sunshine’s arm, touching the back of his head and then Sunshine could feel the texture of Mark's hooded sweatshirt against his face. It was so soft, and Mark's cheek was against his hair.

“My sweet little boy.”

Sunshine clutched to Mark's back.

Mark started to sing, softly. Almost as softly as Sunshine had asked to be held.

“The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms. When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken, so I hung my head and cried. You are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey, you’ll never know, dear, how much I love you, please don’t take my Sunshine away.”

By the time he had done singing, they had melted to the floor. Sunshine’s hands were fisted in Mark's sweatshirt, and he was sobbing.

The only time humans sounded like Racing Drivers was when they cried.

“Daddy,” Sunshine keened, “I wanted you to be my daddy, and you never, ever loved me.”

“Aw, Sunshine, I loved you so much. I would never have gotten so angry with you if I didn’t love ya. I just wanted you to be a good boy.”

“I used to pretend it would be you. When the stables ended, that it would be you who would come and take me away. I dreamed that you would fight all the handlers, like Rabbit fought them for Stig, and you would beat them all, and you would make them pay for hurting me.”

There was a long moment when his throat was too tight to make more word sounds, and Mark's shirt, and Sunshine’s hair both got very wet.

“You know,” Sunshine breathed, “What they did to me.”

Now Mark sounded like a Racing Driver, too.

“Yes,” He choked, “I didn’t find out until it was too late. My poor little boy. My poor baby boy.” He squeezed Sunshine.

“When I told them I wouldn’t cheat, they told me they would use my colts instead of me.”

Mark froze. “Ever since I found out about Sebastian being half Racing Driver,” He said, slowly, “I always assumed it was him they used to leverage your obedience.”

Sunshine shook his head, “Pilot and Blitz.”

“You knew...about them being yours.”

He leaned back, eyebrows drawn, lips up. “I didn’t have to know they were MINE. Why did you think Redbull matched them so early? To replace me. They could have killed me and had one of the colts in F1 before Oz was.”

He looked down. How many times had he thought it would have been better to let them bring him to the needles. “At least, then, Rabbit would have had his Championship.”

And Sunshine’s other son might be alive.

The pain was beyond tears, it was just a sick ache in every muscle.

“I didn’t know that.” Mark's voice was distant. “They didn’t threaten to use Sebastian?”

Sunshine shook his head. How could they? “I made SURE they never knew about Sebastian. I hurt everyone I ever loved to keep Redbull from knowing they could hurt Sebastian. I never even told Kimi that Sebastian bonded him.”

Mark's eyes were wide with horror. Surely he’d known that?

With dawning horror, he realized he didn’t know WHAT Mark knew, except that he knew Sebastian was half Racing Driver.

And how had Mark known?

Redbull had it written down.

Which meant…

They’d known.

All along.

He’d hidden a fact they all knew, plain as a clear line.

He hurt Xerxes.

He hurt Rabbit.

He hurt Sebastian and Kimi and Jaamies.

To hide something everyone already knew.

The engine squeal of pain came out of his human mouth as a single word.

“LIARS!”

He cringed away from the noise of the sound.

Mark was still looking at him with confused shock. “What did you say a minute ago? About...Kimi?”

Sunshine had to think back. “I kept it from Kimi, and he’s angry about it.”

“Sebastian bonded Kimi? How? When?”

“The first time they met. Michael knew what we were, Shoe knew what we were. They knew Sebastian was meant for me, and Michael brought him to the track to learn where he was meant to be. He was old enough to match, and he was ready. When he found a human who was right for him, the best human, other than mine, of course, he bonded with him. Kimi is Sebastian’s match.” Sunshine shrugged.

“Fuck,” Mark breathed. “So Kimi and Sebastian can read each other’s minds, too. Damn that explains a lot.”

“No.” Sunshine pinched his lips together. “Sebastian is MINE, he is MY other half. He should have saved his strength and bonded with ME.”

“That doesn’t mean they couldn’t talk.”

“Of course they couldn’t talk. That’s why I kept Sebastian in the bubble. I realize as I’m saying that I shouldn’t have said that. Don’t have heard that, Mark. Oh no.”

Mark was drawing away. This wasn’t horror in his eyes, this was the hatred Sunshine was used to seeing. “Timo said the bubble doesn’t last, because the Racing Driver is constantly wearing through it. If he was in it all the time, if you fucking kept him CUT OFF all the fucking time, he’d have been sheering through it like tissue paper. You were fucking STARVING him to death!”

Sunshine fell back away from Mark, scooting away on his back, looking up at the bigger, stronger human. He saw the moment it clicked in Mark's mind. Why Rabbit had to go in the bubble.

Because Sunshine couldn’t keep him from feeling Sebastian without it.

Now Mark was going to condemn him again.

He expected to be afraid.

Mark had wanted to kill him the last time.

He wasn’t afraid.

He was just angry.

He SLAMMED his hand on the ground in the stop gesture.

“THEY RAPED ME, MARK!”

Mark froze again.

“They raped me and if they’d have known he was like me, they’d have raped him, too.” He was barely able to say this more calmly.

The pain in Mark's face was palpable.

“Like they raped Rabbit. Like they raped all my brothers and sisters and all the herds, every day. Except I was LITTLE. And I would have let them do it to me every day forever, if they wouldn’t do it to him.”

There were tears running down his face again and he fell onto his back.

“They knew what he was. They made him.” Mark's voice was cold, and full of loathing.

Sunshine gulped a few sobs. “I DIDN’T KNOW THAT!”

He curled onto his side. “There was nothing. Nothing. I couldn’t help the rest of the herd. I’m smart enough to know. Broken hoped enough to know. They were going to hurt the herd no matter what I did. That’s what Rabbit never understood. They never hurt Sebastian, though. I checked. I know him completely, there is nowhere they could hide that from me. They never hurt Sebastian.”

“No. Just Rabbit.”

He sighed. “They were hurting Rabbit long before I started winning races.”

“You kept him from his match. Racing Drivers need their match. He might have been okay if you’d let him be with Kimi.” Mark sounded just defeated, now.

“Sebastian was with his match. Sebastian was always okay.”

“Rabbit told me you have a rock inside you that is Sebastian’s terror that something is wrong with him. He told me it hurts you to breathe because Sebastian is afraid something is wrong with him. You carry that because he didn’t know.”

Sunshine laid on his side. The floor was gritty on his face and the hand that was against it. “Is that why I hurt?” He breathed. The inferno inside him was cool. Usually it was a churning lake of fire, but he felt different, now. Like when Jaamies had his mind completely under control.

Mark knelt beside him, gentle hands on his shoulder and side. “Are you alright?”

“I wanted to believe you could stop hating me.”

“Sunshine…”

“Sebastian hurts when he breathes, too. I can feel it, in this body. Like a stone in his chest. Because I can’t stop hating me.” He didn’t resist when Mark sat him up and pulled him into his lap.

“Do you hate me?” Mark asked. Sunshine wrapped one arm around Mark's back and one over his shoulder and tucked his head into his chest.

“No. I don’t hate you.”

Mark kissed his forehead. “I don’t hate you, too.”


	48. Chapter 48

What Brings Us To Justice  
FIA Trials, Versailles- 2017

 

Alondra had been described as a predator. Lion, jungle cat, wolf. He had never hurt anyone intentionally in his life. Everyone could see the shape that was built into his mind, the energy that moved his muscles. His overtakes were attacks, he didn't catch up to an opponent, he chased them down, they weren't his rivals, they were his prey. Even the commentators could see it, though their minds glossed over that their hearts told them. They used the words, because they felt the words. That he never killed or ate any prey he chased down and attacked was not relevant, Alondra was a predator.

There were a small handful of Racing Drivers standing around outside the building where the humans were discussing what to do with the handlers. The Racing Drivers had no interest in long talks about simple matters, and since they were free, they were gathered outside on the grass in the sunshine. Jaamies and Sunny were side by side as always, and Madeleine was opposite Alondra in the little circle on the grass. Jaamies went still a hair before Sunny did, so attuned to him that he knew what Sunny felt before Sunny did.

The blonde's eyes widened. His mouth dropped open and he started making a little mewling metal on metal noise.

Alondra turned to see the threat.

There was a little old Racing Driver coming around the stone wall of the corner of the building. He was unrestrained, just like all the Racing Drivers, just out enjoying the sunshine. They hadn't felt him coming because he had all his connections shut down. He saw them and stopped. He smiled nervously and gave a little wave. The smile dropped off his face and he turned and ran.

Alondra was already halfway across the 100 foot stretch of grass.

The old Racing Driver was still fast on his feet, and he reached the parking lot and started dodging through the cars.

Alondra reached out until he found the slippery glass wall protecting the other Racing Driver's mind.

Alondra, small and broad shouldered and as tightly packed as a brick hit him from behind in a full bodied tackle. He rode the other Racing Driver to the ground, making him take the full impact of the concrete. His head made a satisfactory clunk when it hit the pavement. Alondra lifted himself off the other Racing Driver, left hand pressed in the center of his back, supporting most of Alondra's 75 kilos.

He pulled his fist back and started hitting him as hard as he could. He wasn't causing enough damage to satisfy him, so he pressed his knee into the small of his back, instead and used both fists to hit him.

The barrage of punches was just physical venting for the real assault. Alondra had never encountered anything like the glass sphere this Racing Driver had surrounding his mind. No holds, no where to pry, no weak spots. Alondra didn't bother with prying. Leverage was a tool to use when you weren't strong enough to do the job yourself. There were only half a dozen Racing Drivers living who were as strong as Alondra. He gripped the sphere like a lion with a skull in it's jaws and crushed it.

Price screamed, inside and out. His mind was laid bare to Alondra, twisted and sick.

He threw up barriers along the inroads to his inner self, as though Alondra was going to go into that filthy place with him. Instead he hovered outside and bombarded Price with the pain he'd caused. Not the Terror Rabbit had felt, or the aching loneliness Fili had felt, or the desperation Hare had felt. He had ignored those easily when he had been causing them, those feelings obviously had no effect.

So Alondra trapped him inside himself and made him feel compassion. Made him feel Alondra's pain as he had held his family and loved them through their healing. Made Price feel that what he had tried to take away from them had been restored by the care of their matches and their teams and their stablemates. Made Price feel how incredibly he had failed.

And he made Price feel how utterly, utterly the rest of his species condemned him.

He knelt in with the warmth of the sun on his back, his punches falling on a quivering body, prepared to tear Price apart until there was nothing left for him to use to live, when he suddenly felt the desire to stop.

He felt warm.

There was a body wrapped around him, not restraining, just pressing firmly, hands flat on his chest, and a cheek against his back. He felt love that was as hot as a fuel fire burning his skin. He groaned with the pain of it.

'It's alright, Alondra, you can stop now.'

'He hurts Rabbit. He hurts Fili and Hare. He hurts YOU Sunshine, I hate him. He is worthless.'

Sunshine didn't shift. 'He hurts us all if you do this to him.'

'He hurts...' Alondra had stopped punching but had handfuls of Price's shirt. 'No one was strong enough to stop him.'

Sunshine stroked Alondra's mind with his own, reminding him that as much more powerful as Alondra was than Price, Sunshine was that much more powerful again than Alondra. 'This is my responsibility, Ferrari.' He sent another wickedly hot blast of love to take the sting out of his sending.

With slow, irresistible pressure, he pulled Alondra away from the terrified Trainer.

'I hate you.' Alondra whispered into his mind as he was drawn away.

Price started to sit up. [Thank you for letting me go, Sunshine, you were always the one to see what needed to be done.]

Sunshine pressed him back to the ground. His face was hard and he sent only to Price. 'I said he shouldn't kill you because it would make him no better than you. I didn't say I was letting you live. I said you are my responsibility.'

'You can't kill me either, you'll be eaten by regret.'

'Killing you won't change me, you already made me capable of things that will always set me apart. Killing you would be a very, very satisfying thing, as satisfying for me as it would have been for Alondra. Neither of us would feel a moment's regret. His family would see him differently, though.' Sunshine smiled fiercely. 'Mine will not.' Price's eyes flicked to Jaamies over Sunshine's shoulder, and saw no help there. His eyes filled with fear.

'I'm not going to kill you, though!' Sunshine's face lit up in delight. 'I learned a trick! Something that will be much, much worse, and I know that's true, because I learned the trick from you.' He started building a wall. 'When I was young I saw you do this to Rabbit. Oh how he hated it, it made him too afraid to fight you.' The wall was smooth, with no where to pry and no weak spots. 'I didn't understand, and I used it against him, because I was proud, and I was jealous.' The glassy, impenetrable surface was on the inside. 'It was so, so wrong of me to do that to him. It took me a long time to realize that. It is a terrible thing to be alone when you need love from others. I think it will be even worse to be alone with only yourself to hate.'

'Sunshine you can't!!' Price screamed as the sphere began to seal him in.

'Goodbye, Price.'

The glass closed, and Price's connection to everything cut off.

Sunshine looked up and realized he was in the center of a crowd. Jaamies, Alondra and Madeleine were cross armed, staring everyone down. Sebastian was gesturing frantically to Jaamies, trying to get past and Sunshine realized he and Kimi had been speaking to him for quite awhile.

He stood up calmly and brushed his knees off. There were humans encircling them, making noises and waving their arms meaninglessly. [He said I knew what needed to be done. I did.] He looked down at Whatever Sacrifice Is Necessary. He was lying still, eye blinking occasionally, a car without a driver, waiting to be told what to do. [Price's justice was his to choose. This is the choice he made.]

Sebastian, as per his newly formed habit was translating Sunshine's gestures into human noises. Kimi was discretely questioning the other Racing Drivers about what had happened.

This made Sunshine angry.

'Kimi! If you want to know what happened you ask ME.' Sunshine growled.

Kimi crossed his arms. 'I did ask you, Sunshine, you did not answer.'

Damn Kimi was never afraid when he ought to be. It would be even easier to take him apart than it was to take Price apart.

Kimi snorted. 'Go ahead and try.'

'Against you and Jaamies? Thank you, no.' Sunshine crossed his arms back at him.

'Against just me. Jaamies, you will not interfere?'

Jaamies didn't turn. His attention went between the Racing Driver he cared for most and the Human he was a part of. 'No. Neither of you will be allowed to resent me when you discover the result.'

Sunshine gathered his strength and brought it down on Kimi's mind. He'd done this before and Kimi had folded underneath his strength, had been as easily pried open as a clam.

This time the strike fell on nothing.

Kimi hadn't dodged, hadn't bent with the blow, hadn't absorbed it. His mind was simply, utterly gone. Sunshine gave a little squeal of shock. Afraid he'd done something terrible, something he couldn't undo, he started checking Jaamies' mind, looking for the connection that should have led him to Kimi's mind inside his smirking, cross armed body. His body was there Sunshine could see that with his eyes, in the same sort of way the other human's bodies were there, with no definition or self, nothing solid he could contact. He groped across Jaamies' mind again, looking for the place a connection should be. It wasn't there. He checked again, until Jaamies shook him off.

'Where, where did he go?' Sunshine asked.

'He's still there.' Jaamies told him.

'I can't feel him.'

'I can't feel Sebastian.'

Well of course not, Sebastian was Sunshine's match, no one else could feel another Racing Driver's match, except...except Kimi.

'You made him like an unmatched human?' Sunshine whispered.

'Of course not. We just finally figured out how to get some privacy. He can still talk to everyone when he wants, but we can be normal when we want, too. It's a new privilege. We're going to enjoy learning how to use it.'

'You love us because we have so much to share. If you don't have to share Kimi...you won't need us to help you.'

Jaamies moved physically to Sunshine and held him. 'I will still have to share Kimi, but that isn't the reason I need you and Sebastian. It never was. I need you because Kimi and I are a match, but the four of us are a set. We are like a checkered flag.'

Kimi reappeared to Sunshine's mind. 'I will always be here when you need me, Sunny.'

Sebastian smiled and reached out and held his hand. He couldn't have been aware of a lot of what was said, but he knew his other half. 'You did the right thing, Sunshine. You gave Price justice.' He looked back toward the building. 'Will he ever be able to touch his man again?'

Sunshine shook his head. 'No. Maybe now that the rot is gone, Marko will have a chance to heal.'

 

NATO Courthouse, Versailles, FIA Trials- 2017

 

Mark wanted to stay and watch while the plans were made for the FIA governors. Rabbit was still in shock over the arrival of the young Grand Tour stallions. The ones who had given their absolute support to the men from the Grand Tour.

Visa had been released, but had gone away with the lawyers and the others for debriefing.

The governor's Pilots had been taken away to be comforted. Things seemed to be coming to a close, but Mark had stopped translating for Rabbit, distracted by something that he couldn't easily explain and listen to at the same time. Rabbit had his feet up on the bench in front of him, head flopped back over the edge of the bench. Shock fading, he was getting bored. He could feel Alondra outside in the sun, and thought about joining him.

Without warning, there was a burst of rage and fear and then he was spinning in a blast of emotion, sent out by several powerful Pilots. He couldn't see or hear, could just feel.

Then a familiar mind pushed the others out of the way.

'ALONDRA IS KILLING PRICE!' It screamed.

He still couldn't see, but he didn't need to. He was running, up the aisle of the balcony seats, down the hall, down the steps, to the door of the courthouse. Across the grass. Around the back of the building. Into the parking lot.

There was a crowd.

Anyone who had been nearby had come running at the fracas. The Pilots' distress. The screams.

He balked at the wall of humans surrounding the scene. His eyes focused and he turned to Mark for help. He couldn’t stand to touch humans to get them to move out of the way. When he released his grip on Mark's forearm to gesture, Mark's eyes immediately dropped to the skin.

Where Rabbit's fingernails had dug great gashes into his arm. There was blood welling up.

Mark looked at him. His mouth was open and his eyes were wide. He didn't object, or say anything.

A practicality born of necessity overrode Rabbit's concern. Mark would heal.

[HELP ME!] Rabbit indicated the crowd. He needed Mark to push through them.

Mark barreled into the crowd, shoving people out of the way, clearing a wake for Rabbit to move in. Even so he brushed humans as they went.

They reached the front of the crowd. In the center of a mass of humans and Pilots, Madeleine and some others were keeping everyone back from where Visa and November were crowded, watching Sunshine and Sebastian kneeling beside a fallen figure. In white.

Where was Alondra?!

There, on the far side of the scene, keeping the crowd back.

It was too much to assess.

Rabbit focused on what was important. He dropped to his knees beside Sunshine, beside the old Pilot in white, Price.

He was breathing. His cloudy blue eyes were staring. His face was bloody and bruised. His nose had been broken.

Tentatively, Rabbit reached out to touch his mind.

He touched frictionless glass. Price had been locked into his own mind, with a bubble that was glass on both sides. No way in. No way out.

The thrill of fear spiked through him, but he knew, now, what the bubble was and that he had nothing to fear from it.

Alondra hadn't killed Price, but he hadn't done this, either.

Only one Pilot Rabbit knew was strong enough, and hard enough to do this. Put Price in an irrevocable bubble.

Rabbit looked up.

Sunshine's blue eyes stared back at him.

Unashamed.

But not hard.

Begging for understanding.

[Rabbit,] He started. He looked at where Alondra stood, watching them over his shoulder as he kept the humans at bay. [He was going to kill him. He was TRYING to kill him.] He shook his head. [Not Alondra. Rabbit. I couldn't let Alondra do that.]

No.

Alondra didn't need a murder in his heart.

Rabbit looked down at the old, crumpled Pilot, who had tortured both of them so much. The emotions clouding his mind had ebbed, but he was still confused about what was going on. How had Price even gotten here? [Are you going to kill him, instead?] He asked Sunshine.

[No. I am going to be responsible for his care. I’m not going to let you kill him, either.]

Why?

Why would Rabbit want to?

He waited a moment, until this statement made sense. Because Price had tortured him.

He grabbed Sunshine's hands out of the air and shook his head. When the younger stallion had subsided, Rabbit explained himself. [No. I am not. No one is. We are not men. We are NOT Price. We are...Stigs...] He said, slowly, trying to work it out as he understood it. [We will take care of him, but we won't allow him to ever hurt anyone.] He didn't turn, but he started addressing Alondra. [He took my voice, I fought to be heard all my life. Now I have a voice no one can take away, and I will never be trapped by a bubble again. I am saying, with my voice, that I am not going to be afraid anymore, and if I am not afraid, Price has no strength to hurt me.] He nodded at Sunshine.

Sunshine's eyes were wet. He nodded. Rabbit understood his intention, perfectly.

[We do not have to grow into the form they chose for us,] Sunshine whispered. [We will be better than they tried to make us. You and I.]

Rabbit nodded. He reached out and stroked Price's cheek, so gently. [I am never going to be what you expected me to be, Price.] He looked at Sunshine. [We are better than that.]

This was Redbull's responsibility. He and Sunshine WERE Redbull. It might not be long, trapped in the untouchable bubble Sunshine had locked him into, but it might be years, it would be entirely up to Price. For as long as the old Pilot lived, Rabbit and Sunshine would care for him. Gently. Kindly.

He leaned very, very close to the old Pilot and gestured, in tiny gestures. [You lost. FIA lost. Because we are better than you.]

[We are never going to hurt someone we hold in our power.]


	49. Chapter 49

GT Day +3 months  
Redbull Holding Facility (Code Name: The Cruise)

The helicopter flew for a long time. They were all crammed into the back of it with crates of supplies. As they flew, Rabbit tasted a change in the air. It became like the air at the factory in the Midlands, and then it became like the air at Monaco, and then it became...moreso. He could feel much more water in it. A track here would be permanently thick with moisture, like Interlagos, but without the heat, the grip would be terrible. He couldn't imagine what terrible track conditions the Stigs at this holding facility had been facing. Then, after awhile, the moisture in the air lessened and he realized what smell he had been missing, soil. How could they possibly have been passing over water deep enough to drown the smell of soil for hours, at what his body told him was a very high speed. It must have been something else, just blocking the smell of soil. There couldn't be that much water in the whole world.

He looked around. Alondra was delighted. He could sense the speed and was reveling in it. One of the Redbull Juniors had thrown up when they'd taken off. That had made the herd edgy, the smell was still faintly present. Even though the man who was with the helicopter had thrown the bag out the side. The Junior's man had explained his Stig had some inner ear issues and the altitude had stopped making him uncomfortable when it stopped changing abruptly. He was one of the stallions who matched the year Rabbit left. He was the oldest of the Juniors and the last one Rabbit had met face to face before he left to VW. Only met. His last year as a Redbull stallion had been spent mostly at Visa's. So he hadn't trained the colts the year Chev had matched.

Tiger, he knew, he was close in age to the young stallion of his herd, but in those years his attention had been so taken up by Hare, Kiwi, Fili, and Pilot, that the others hadn't gotten their fair share. Tumba, Tiger, Wendy- the mare who had been matched that year, and Blitz, had not all been devastatingly damaged by his unfair focus. There was a hard spot in his mind where he thought of Blitz. That had been Price's fault, no one else's. Not even the boy's fault. He was just following his nature.

And of course, here was Boomer. Sitting at Rabbit's side, holding his hand. His second stallion, the one who had supported him and helped him and never doubted him. As Mark said, his right hand. He was Cooler's right hand, now. Or had been, until the Roadtrip had started.

'Who will be helping Cooler while you are gone? Victor?'

Boomer made a sad noise. Rabbit's heart fell. Victor had been serious, and smart. He was just younger than Oz and Sunshine. He should have had years...there was no point in following that idea. He thought about who was next in line. Jev had been sold to Ferrari. Rabbit had seen him at the stable. Marvel was a Rider, he'd been at Ferrari with the Rider's stable.

The next Colt born to the stable was Xerxes. He was not a good temperament for a second stallion.

'It will be Raver. Cooler and Raver get along better than Cooler and I do. He has been doing most of the second stallion things. They are Training Oz. I am helping. Oz and I work well together. Though he may have been facing a hard situation going forward. Not as hard as yours, a different challenge.'

He squeezed Rabbit's hand.

Rabbit squeezed back. 'The Riders call themselves all brothers,' He told Boomer. 'Even though they come from all bloodlines and all stables. They say they are brothers who think the same way, in their hearts. You are my brother like that.'

'You are my brother like that too,' Boomer told him.

The helicopter man moved among them and handed Chev another bag. [We land fast, you need this.]

Chev looked at him miserably, but opened the bag.

They dropped. It was like Eau Rouge, Rabbit tried to tell himself. There was a heave and an unpleasant smell. It was like Eau Rouge. It was like Eau Rouge.

That was not true. It was much, much more like the time the Mercedes had gone airborne.

Only that time, he had come smashing to the ground in a ruinous heap.

This time they slowed suddenly, with another wet heave from Chev, with a feeling that actually was more like Eau Rouge leveling out at the bottom.

Then they touched down on the ground.

13 well trained Stigs waited for their men's signal to let themselves out of their seats. Fili unstrapped himself the same moment the men did. He went over to Chev and knelt in front of him. He stroked his pale face. [Can we drive next time?] Chev gestured, trying to keep the rest of them from seeing.

[No,] Fili told him. [But I will see that you are not uncomfortable the next time.] He stroked his hair. [I did not know this would happen, I have never been in a vehicle like this before. Now I know what I'm doing and I have a plan.]

He unstrapped Chev. [Did you smell the water as we passed it? There was water for a long time.] Fili hooked his arm under Chev's, around his waist, steadying him, but making as if it was just companionable contact.

Fili was a good Trainer. Rabbit was so happy that Oz would have him there...If there was a herd again. Rabbit held Mark's hand as they left the helicopter. He stared around him at the snow on the ground. It was deeper than he had ever seen snow. Higher than his waist. Higher than his head in some spots. He pulled himself together, shaking off a tiny thrill that came from somewhere in what he now thought of as the Wild Stig part of him. The part that knew there should be something beyond life in a stable.

'Boomer says Victor shut down, some seasons ago.' He sent an image of Victor and his man, Jaime Alguesuari, because Mark thought most Stig names were too similar to remember.

"Ohh," He said. 'I wondered why Jaime retired. I don't remember a big accident.'

'He got sick. When you start...moving when you don't mean to? You can't stop?'

'Epilepsy?' Mark sent a memory of a young man he'd known having a seizure.

'Yes, like that.'

'Oh no, Jaime.' He put an arm around Rabbit. 'I'm sorry, Rabbit. I'm sorry your friend is gone.'

'Who else will be gone that no one knew to tell me about?'

Mark just shook his head.

Rabbit could feel the mass of Stig minds in the buildings ahead. They had noticed them, and we're reaching out to them with unique focus. Rabbit felt Cooler's mind touch his in a warm embrace, but then Redbull's lead stallion turned his attention to the multiple world champion approaching his stable. Alondra was the focus of the vast majority of the attention.

They walked across an empty kart track and into a hanger. The wind was cut off immediately as the door closed behind them. Rabbit closed his eyes and felt without being obtrusive. Sure enough, the Stigs he was looking for, the Stigs he most wanted to see, out of all the Redbull Stigs, were in deferent contact with Alondra. Alondra explained to the herd hierarchy what they were here for, to take them all on their next step to freedom. Not a new stable somewhere, and not freedom like men had, because a thing this big must be done a piece at a time. 

It was time, though, for the next part of the plan. The plan the mares had so carefully consulted on, over the course of decades, passing information stable to stable with the stallions on break and on winter trips, so each stable everywhere was as up to date on the plan as possible. An intercrossing web of information that had all funneled back to carefully orchestrated points, the final one at McMillian. So Alondra and Sugarboy could carry it with them to their test track. To Dunsfold. To the Stigs. To share with Richard, and James, and Jeremy.

The plan the mares at Williams had come up with so long before, and drilled into their sons, to tell their matches, and make them believe. Make them know the Stigs were asking for help. Because some day one of them would match to a man who was not totally in the control of the companies. Who could and would defy them. Defiance came with a high price. Matches who were openly defiant either suffered for it, or the company drew them in so close that they became a part of it, unable to ever make a move without being watched.

The resistance Stigs knew the story, passed in silent whispers. So Trainers couldn't overhear. Hidden in songs, hidden in gestures that weren't gestured, but touched onto another's skin, hidden in the moments no Trainer would interrupt. The rare moments stallions and mares had the opportunity to see one another's faces.

Bright Star remembered the stories from home, in bits and pieces. She asked every stallion for the stories he remembered, the songs he'd learned, gave them hers and asked them to pass the request on.

She was one of the few mares who usually bore three foals, instead of two. She knew this meant fewer years, because humans don't learn conservation of resources. Every foal she bore learned all the stories, and learned to ask for more stories. Her last set of foals was a Black and Yellow Bi-tone mare, a Red stallion, and a Bright Blue stallion. Twins.

Stigs only call foals twins when they are identical. Otherwise they are just brothers, just sisters.

Twins are a hard thing for a stable, because for two identical Stigs, there is almost always only one match. The weaker will stay at the stable. Kept for line crosses, if their brother races well. Whether or not their own prowess should earn them a place on a team.

Guarding the Retreat was the most consistent of the three. As a mare, though, she had almost no hope of being matched.

The Rush of a Bursting Flame was the faster of the twins. Knowing Oneself was friendly, but timid.

They waited a long time, almost until they were too old to drive. So when the opportunity came to match, the Red was chosen, and the Blue left behind. The Red had learned to hate the handlers in the years between when he should have been matched and the day they came for him. He fought them, and Rearguard fought so hard to reach him through, to protect him, that she burst her own heart, and he fought even harder then, until they killed him while his twin watched. Even death wouldn't stop the company from taking what it was owed. They had another stallion, the man would never have to know it wasn't the one who'd been intended.

Knowing Oneself's rage at the way his family had been hurt fueled his bond. His man would give back what had been taken. The circumstances of his motivation to find repayment, and his being matched with a man who was only on the fringe of FIA's jurisdiction, a man who was all the things it was necessary to be to change the world, and a man who was a Blue at heart as well, meant that Knowing Oneself was in a unique position.

He had found the man who could go to war for them, and win.

So of all the fastest, strongest, boldest Pilots, it was a not particularly fast, shy, sweet Pilot through whom the cry for help was finally heard.

And Jeremy Clarkson went to war for Blue.

\--

When Alondra was finished telling the stable about the next step, while men stood around making noises as though they hadn't been reminded again and again to speak properly, the stable greeted their F1 stallions with all the love and affection of human families for the favourite child. Greetings to Rabbit were tentative at first. He realized from their sendings that they had thought he left them on purpose. That he had thought to go find something better. A family that was a little less broken. He shared with them his love, and how deeply and terribly he had missed them. They responded to this with affirmations that they loved and missed him, as well. colts he'd have thought would be too young to remember him told him how strongly this piece of advice or that training had affected them.

And finally he reached the ones he had been most longing to see.

They were coming towards him, physically, but they were on the far side of the camp to start with, and there were crowds everywhere. The order had broken down somewhat.

'Storm!' He threw his mind against hers. 'Storm, my strong, my fast, my heart match! I missed you! It hurt me I missed you so hard!'

His body was in tears, and Mark had him sitting down behind a table out of the way, asking him what was wrong. He kept gesturing back that he was wonderful, that he was blissfully happy.

'Rabbit.' Her name was Wind that Moves the Storm. She was tall and a fast, even Pilot, with a feel for a machine that only of few of the stallions in F1 could have matched. 'I missed you, too.' There were tears in her sending as well. 'You brought Oz home, you brought all our stallions home. You brought the one we needed most.' She sent him all the love they hadn't been able to show since the season he'd left, and been barely able to show the seasons before that.

'Storm. I learned something new. Something we can share. Not like what we should have been able to share, but something wonderful.'

She came through the crowd. She was tall for a mare, with hair the colour of chocolate just getting long enough to spill around her shoulders. And eyes like the sky over Abu Dhabi. She was whip thin, but with muscle, not hunger. She was in a dark blue dress and those tight, almost see through socks women wore when the tracks were cool enough. His breath caught when he saw her. For the first time since they'd ripped her out of his arms when they were foals, separating them into the fillies and colts dorms.

He stood, pulling Mark with him. [Mark,] he gestured, because, even though he should have, if everything was right with the world, been bonded to her, he WAS bonded to Mark, and Mark would always have his first allegiance. The first place in his life. [This is Wind that Moves the Storm. She would have been my other half. My twin.] He held his hand out and touched hers. [Storm, this is Mark, he is my match, and he is a hero, and I am truly proud he is my other self.]

Storm hugged Mark. [I have love for you, for protecting Rabbit like I wanted to. Thank you, thank you, thank you.]

Mark looked shocked. 'Rabbit she's touching me. Why isn't she hating it?'

Rabbit smiled at Mark. 'Because she is the other half of me, and you are the other half of me. She is touching me when she touches you.'

He shivered, because someone more powerful had approached. He turned. Glass Amaline was much shorter than Storm, though her cocoa brown hair had all gone to beautiful snowy white, and her blue eyes had wrinkles around them. He hadn't even known what to imagine her looking like, because all he had were insubstantial flashes of memory. He knew her mind, though.

Every time she had woken him up in the medical wing, when he'd just wanted to stay unconscious forever, every time she'd talked through a decision with him. The times she'd shouted him down, the time she had shouted Sunshine down in his behalf, and then shouted at him for making it necessary. The times she'd helped him, or made him come to his own conclusions. When she had counseled him and trained him what he had to do, how to make it as a young, unmatched lead stallion.

He remembered the first time he had to speak to the stallions at Ferrari. They'd wanted to dismiss him. What could he have to say, barely old enough to match and not matched yet, never a day of racing, that Grad and Rain and Bear should listen to? They wanted to dominate him and send him running.

A growl from Glass had reminded them that they were not humans, that pushing him down because they COULD was not what should be done. And would not be remembered kindly when Redbull was strong and would have their own multiple world champions.

And back, before that, before he was expected to ACT as lead stallion, when Song of Cold Wind had been the one who'd been trained to it, when he was young, even before they'd taken Storm away, Glass had taken time out of being lead mare to talk to him, and teach him the things he would need to know to be a stallion. She had taught him how to race. How to feel the apex of a corner. How to talk to a kart, so later he could talk to the cars. She had loved him, and picked him up when he fell, and wiped his eyes when the handlers hurt, and told him to be strong and to be fast, and to be brave, when they led he and Storm away from her. The last time he ever saw her face.

Fernando had taught Alondra a word, and Rabbit used it now, wrapping Glass in a hug, and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. 'Mama.'


	50. Chapter 50

Close Your Eyes  
Melbourne Australia, First Formula 1 Race after GT Day- 2017

 

“They’re so loud.” Sebastian held his hands over his ears. His lips pouted. “I can’t think.”

Sunshine looked up from the car, annoyance on his face. He took a breath and vented the emotion through Jaamies, instead. His shoulders raised a little. ‘What does a Racing Driver need to do when he is feeling too much?’ He coached.

‘Call my match?’ Sebastian’s eyes drifted off to the wall, where he could hear Kleverig in the next garage, singing a song about the parts of a car while he went through he pre-drive checks.

‘Do you want me to do it for you?’ Sunshine had been taking steps to avoid Sebastian having this learning process slowing them down, but it had caught up with them.

Sebastian pulled his phone out of his pocket.

Sunshine rolled his eyes. Let Sebastian do what he needed to do. Sunshine had his own pre-drive check to go through.

‘Jaamies, I think we’re about to trade places. Would you come and give me a hand?’ He could touch into the White Racing Driver’s mind where he was sitting in the Ferrari motorhome.

‘Of course.’ He and Kimi were watching TV in Sunshine’s room. He patted Kimi and headed out. It was nice having a backup match who understood about driving.

Sunshine felt bad thinking that, but Sebastian really would never understand, not on the level of F1. He just had never driven anything really competitive. It hurt Sunshine to think that, but the company had taken a lot of things, and this wasn’t the hardest of them.

He watched Sebastian, the center of his being, wave at him with one hand, phone in the other, and leave to go be with the man who had what Sunshine wanted. Kimi got to be Sebastian’s match instead of Sunshine.

That was the hardest thing.

He turned back to his work.

\--

He’d learned to do this with Jaamies lying down. He could do it in any position, now, but sitting up, facing each other was the one he prefered. He sat on the floor, cross legged, and waited for Sebastian to come in. [Come sit down, knee to knee with me. Close your eyes.]

He gestured, because it would keep Sebastian in the mindset more easily.

Sebastian watched him nervously. He shifted and fidgeted. Kimi gave him a moment to settle. He crossed his arms, and mentally, Kimi checked off the list as the rest of Sebastian’s body followed him into position.

He touched Sebastian’s temples, and drew his fingertips around to the back of Sebastian’s head, then started again and moved them forward, brushing across his eyes to touch on the bridge of his nose. ‘This is the room you are in. The room in your head. Everything you are is inside. Everything else is outside.’

‘Alright.’

‘When you were born, there was a door in the middle of the room. It opens on all sides. Through this door you could hear other Racing Driver’s voices.’ He touched just above both Sebastian’s ears, on either side of where he would feel the door in his head. ‘Since you didn’t hear anything, you never thought of the door. Now, when you grew up and you were ready to be a stallion, you picked a human, and you built a new door for yourself. One only for his voice. My voice,’ Kimi sent softly.

‘Alright,’ Sebastian sent back, more quietly, now.

‘You hear my voice through the door you hear everyone through. We’re going to focus on using that other door. The one just for a Racing Driver and his match.’

‘This one?’ Sebastian asked.

‘What?’ Sunshine asked.

‘Kimi?’ Sebastian asked.

‘This is OUR connection, Sebastian, Kimi’s is the other one,’ He pushed Sebastian gently in the right direction.

Kimi reached into the newly familiar door in HIS head and called to Sebastian through it.

For Sebastian, it was a matter of thinking about the inside of his head, and then, beyond the open, friendly, familiar tunnel into Sunny’s mind, was a narrow little closet door. He stepped through it.

Suddenly he was in a clean, well lit space. He knew he wasn’t seeing something real, but his mind was giving him an analogy. Kimi turned away from a big double window with a view of a closed eyed Sebastian. Overhead was a dome even paler blue than the sky. Inside Sunshine’s head looked like a stall. When you walked through the door, you were in a garage, and outside was an ever-changing track.

‘Are we in an igloo?’ Sebastian asked.

‘It’s a snow fort,’ Kimi said.

Sebastian giggled. Kimi was so cool. And Sebastian was standing here, in his mind. How COOL!

Kimi rocked back on his feet. He raised his hands. ‘Okay. Sebi, I can hear ALL of that.’ He moved forward and touched Sebastian’s face, holding his big hands behind Sebastian’s ears. ‘It’s okay to share whatever you feel with me, but you’re giving off waves, very intensely. Let’s disperse some of this.’

‘I know how to do that.’ He reached for Kimi’s heart. It was calm and cool, and didn’t contain much to feel with what he found in his own.

‘No, you know how to disperse for someone else.’ Kimi had a half smile on his face, but he was radiating confident amusement that was actually a feature of the air here. ‘I prefer my Racing Drivers to ask me to take it, instead of just handing it to me. So you take the feelings you are having, and offer, and I will feel them with you, alright?’

This was SO different than his relationship with Sunshine, who just shoved emotions at him when they got too much, and if he needed extra, just took from what Sebastian had waiting. Like a buffet.

Being in Kimi’s mind required table manners.

Sebastian thought of the overwhelming frustration. He packed it up and held it out. ‘Please help me stop feeling so frustrated.’

‘Of course, thank you for asking.’ Kimi’s heart opened and the tone of the air changed as he felt the frustration in Sebastian’s heart. ‘I used to feel this way a lot. We aren’t used to spending time around a herd, and it’s a lot of big, loud, things going on, on top of the usual track things, and harder to get away from. Keeping your headphones with you will help, and have Sunshine damp your connections, as much as you need, until you learn to do it yourself. It’s not rude to block them out if it’s too much.’

The calm, confident talk, and the sharing, and Kimi’s presence all lightened his heart.

‘I know you want to hear them, but remember, you are not used to this yet, and you are little.’

Sebastian didn’t understand that for a moment.

He felt the air change and feel sad. Why was Kimi looking at him like that?

‘I’m not little, I’m just new.’

The feeling in the air got thicker.

‘I mean, you’re a little stallion, compared to the Team stallions.’

He was a team stallion. He had his own wins, and…

They weren’t like Sunshine’s wins. They were Formula BMW wins. Even Nico Rosberg had Formula BMW wins.

He wasn’t an F1 stallion.

He wasn’t even as strong as Goose, who had never won an F1 race, but who had podiums.

With a start, he realized he wasn’t even as strong as Seven, Stoffel Vandoorne’s Racing Driver, who was driving F1 for the second time today, but he had several little championships, and his first f1 race he’d taken points.

‘But Sunny’s wins...are my wins, too?’

Kimi held him. ‘Sort of.’

Sebastian pushed away. He felt the air. Kimi felt like Rabbit. Kimi felt like Sugarboy. Kimi felt like Jaamies. ‘YOU are a Champion.’

‘Not from wins. Trainers are different.’

‘No, You.’

He sighed. ‘You know there are other kinds of Racers, like Stig. Who aren’t racing specialists. You remember those track designers who work at Mika’s stable?’ Pictures of the Racing Drivers he meant floated across the walls.

Sebastian nodded.

‘Did you know Stig is a Champion? Not because of racing, but because he has achieved a certain level of expertise,’ Kimi asked. ‘That’s what you’re feeling from me. It’s...just because I can do something no one else can.’

‘You are a Champion at what you do. I understand.’

Kimi smiled half a smile.

Still, Sebastian was going to have to think about what he would need to do to get his own Championship. Later, later.

‘Finishing your Trainer’s license, or whatever will be the equivalent of that now, would give you a lot of props. Racers hugely respect Trainers,’ Kimi reading his mind was going to be something else he was going to have to get used to.

‘I’m not really reading your mind, you are,’ He waved to Sebastian’s mental presence. ‘Projecting yourself into MY head.’

‘Can you come into my head, too?’

‘I usually don’t go past anyone’s public zone.’

‘Even Jaamies?’

‘Well of course, I go all the way into Jaamies' safe place with him, when he wants me to.’

Then Sebastian realized that he was in Kimi’s safe place, without having bothered with the intervening public or private areas of Kimi’s mind. He’d walked straight into the part of his mind he had JUST built to have a place to himself.

‘It’s alright,’ He answered, before Sebastian could apologize for the intrusion. ‘You belong here.’

Sebastian felt a wave of gratitude.

‘We’ll talk about knocking, later.’ 

Kimi was such a smartass.

‘Not everyone will tolerate it. Snap, for one, has some opinions about how other stallions should address him, and if Prince is around...just be careful how friendly you get with her. The upside of this, you know, I know you love hugging, is you’ll get as much cuddling as you can stand. Goose is always good for a hug, Jaamies says.’

Kimi smiled, secretively, but a montage of memories of Goose and Romain struggling with their relationship and with appropriate contact washed over the walls. He looked up, surprised.

‘You don’t need to tell me not to tell,’ Sebastian reassured him. The mind reading went both ways. ‘I know that what you learn as their therapist and what I know as your...Racing Driver and what I know as your friend can’t be the same.’

He paused. ‘I’m going to have a lot of those stories of my own, with Sunshine, when we finish learning to be Trainers, aren’t I?’

‘Yes. Not like ours, hopefully.’

He slid back into referring to Jaamies as an intrinsic part of him, when it came to being a Trainer.

‘Will I be able to tell you about what I hear?’

‘If you are going to practice with Sunshine, you need to keep that between you and Sunshine and whoever you are helping.’

‘I can’t be your Racing Driver for therapy sessions?’

‘No, we didn’t Train together, we don’t have a system set up. It took years for Jaamies and I to figure out how to work smoothly together.’

‘We’ll have years.’

‘Sebastian.’

‘I know. I know. Sunshine and I are partners, I am working towards sharing a bond with him that works more equally, instead of learning to rely on you.’

He didn’t really think that was fair. KIMI was his match, not Sunshine.

Then...he had matched with another stallion’s match, that precluded his exercising his rights. And he SHOULD have matched back with Sunshine. Now he had the opportunity to fix that. Sunshine was waiting to be his match.

He just liked Kimi so much.

‘I will always be here for you, and I will never deny anything you ask, but you need to ask Sunshine, first.’

‘He sent me to you.’

‘You need to learn, and he doesn’t have time to teach you, during the season.’

‘Another championship I won’t share.’

Kimi sent him confidence. Sebastian breathed it in.

‘Now, I can’t teach you how to damp your connections. Jaamies did that for me, and now, well it’s different with my connection. The guys are done doing precheck, so you go back to your self.’

That was the one thing Kimi could never be for him. His other self.

‘And practice controlling my connections,’ Sebastian recited. He turned back towards the narrow door to his own mind. There was an empty...space around it. That was Kimi’s connection to every Racing Driver, and beyond that, his unique connection to Jaamies that made it possible. Not because Kimi was half Racing Driver, not born, built.

So well built that a human man could endure and manipulate with grace forces that Sebastian, born to it, struggled with.

He looked at the igloo around him.

Built by the neurosurgeon genius Kimi shared his head and his heart and his being with.

‘I can’t ever decide which of you is luckier to have the other, but I’m pretty fucking lucky to have both of you.’

He stepped back into his own mind

Problem Solving

X picked up the tablet. It had Snap Hamilton's picture on the video chat section. He swiped it open.

[I need to talk to you about one of your Ferrari stallions. Sebastian Vettel.]

X frowned that weird three way match between the two Vettel stallions and Kimi and Jaamies was causing all kinds of problems. [What can I do for you, Snap?]

[You and Duende and the Twins need to talk to him about PRIVACY. He has no concept of boundaries. He goes right through them without being invited. Walked into my safe space this morning. Just to say hi!]

Duende leaned over X's shoulder, petting his back. [Sunshine?]

[No, Sunshine's manners are great, aside from when he's aggressive, and he's got no respect for anyone else's ability or experience. Rabbit did a pretty good job raising that one, it's the human that's the problem. Ought to send him to Redbull to live with Rabbit for awhile. Straighten him out.]

X and Duende exchanged glances. 'We could have 93 talk to him,' Duende sent, 'He's a Redbull, like Sunshine, and nearly as strong.'

'Sebastian ISN'T a Redbull. That's the problem.'

'Is this a Jaamies problem?'

'I think this is a Shoe problem.' X laughed.

Duende looked impressed. 'Devious.'

X bowed his thanks.


	51. Chapter 51

Going For A Pass  
Finland- 2017

There were light clouds in the sky, and an icy feeling in the air. Sebastian pulled the car into a space in the parking lot. Sebastian and Sunny got out of the front and Jaamies got out of the back. Sebastian locked all the doors. The parking lot was in the shadow of a large building, and a cool wind blew through it. Sebastian tugged on Sunshine's red wool beanie, making sure he was warm enough. Jaamies tolerated it when Sebastian performed the same service for him.

[When your phone alarm goes off, you start heading back, alright?]

[Alright,] Jaamies told him.

Sebastian and Seb started up the slope, towards the shopping center, Jaamies walked down towards the street.

He walked until he reached the building pictured in his google street view search. He walked in and studied the directory inside the door. There were several words he was familiar with, and some he felt he should know. He opened his translation app and took a picture of the directory. A video popped up of a Racing Driver gesturing the meaning of the words. He watched carefully until the translation was completed, and then followed the sign's directions to the second floor.

Through the properly labeled door was a young man sitting behind a counter. He gasped when Jaamies walked in. He started to speak. Jaamies smiled at him and gave him the card. It said, "Hello, My name is Jaamies. I am a Stig. I cannot understand spoken language." He turned to the message he had prepared on his translation app and the phone spoke to the young man.

The young man nodded and handed him a clipboard with paper and a pen.

Jaamies clicked the message that explained he would need someone to read the page aloud so his translation app could work.

The young man nodded. His nametag said his name was Hellomynameiseric. He led Jaamies to a room and read the words aloud. 

Jaamies responded by choosing gestures from the app database, then the young man wrote them on the paper. Kimi had pre-set a lot of gestures Jaamies would be regularly using, so it was easy to find the ones he needed. He was very nervous, though. What if something didn't translate properly? What if the app said something wrong, or Hellomynamiseric didn't understand something? He followed Kimi's example and breathed himself calm.

Then the young man took him into another room and Jaamies sat at a computer. They went through the process again with questions on a computer screen. Jaamies watched the translations of the questions carefully, but he had answered these questions before when he was practicing.

The young man smiled at him when the computer test was done.

He took Jaamies to a room full of chairs and had him sit down. Then he walked away.

There were lots of other people in the waiting room. Some of them were looking at him. He had his cap on, though he had taken the beanie off once he'd come inside. He had put the sunglasses on when he realised he was going to be in a public place. Still, people looked.

There was a young human, matching age, staring at him. Jaamies sneaked a peek, and the boy waved and made a big happy face. Jaamies let himself smile a little, then looked down quickly.

It was strange, not being Kimi in public. Maybe some of these people thought he was Kimi, but he wasn't. For the first time in his life, he was getting used to being Jaamies where humans could see him. He was allowed to not engage people. Kimi had said he should be polite, and he could sign things if people seemed to want them signed, and show them, but not give them the card. If he gave them the card, they might not give it back and Kimi would have to print more and more of them. He could chose if he wanted to take pictures. His app had a part he could click on that would tell people he was not available for pictures.

He snuck another look at the boy.

He obviously knew who Jaamies was, because the boy folded his arms over his chest and smiled, pointed to Jaamies and nodded.

Jaamies nodded back.

That boy must be here for the same reason Jaamies was. Unless the mama with him was the one. She looked up at him, uninterested.

A man came and spoke to the boy. The boy stood up. He looked uncomfortable, maybe a little scared.

Jaamies waved his hands a little to get his attention. When the boy looked, Jaamies gave him a big smile and both thumbs up.

The boy lit up and gave them back, pointing at Jaamies.

How nice.

Jaamies settled back in his chair, feeling better.

When a woman came to him and spoke, then waited politely for him to watch the translation on his app, he understood the boy's fear. This was important. Very important. He imagined the boy was here, giving him thumbs up, and then he imagined Sebastian, Sunshine and Kimi, giving him thumbs up, and he reminded himself he could do anything he planned out for himself.

The woman led him out to a parking lot. The car was red.

Well.

He had done scarier things.

\--

When he came up to the counter, after it was over, the boy was standing there, writing on paperwork. He looked up and smiled hugely at Jaamies. He held up his drivers pass. Jaamies smiled back and held his up. He got out his phone with the app and told the boy, [I had a drivers license once before, but it was not for cars like this. None of my racing cars were as scary as driving on the road, but at least the car for the test was red. I'm used to driving a red car.]

The boy looked at Jaamies' drivers pass. The app translated what he said, "Your name is Jaamies Raikkonen? That is cool. I am here for my motorcycle pass. My name is-" The app didn't translate names well, "Do you know my dad? His name is-" Again, the app failed. "He used to race with you."

Jaamies looked at the boy, but he wasn't very good at seeing family relations among humans. The boy was taller than he, with the same pale hair and eyes common to people here. Jaamies had driven with a LOT of Racing Drivers, and some men in his early years. [I'm sorry, the translator is bad at names it doesn't know.]

The boy frowned. He nodded, though, and waved on his way out the door.

Jaamies filled out his own paperwork, with the help of the young man who had assisted him before. He tucked the pass into the pocket in his hat and put it on his head. He smiled in the face of the wind outside the building. His phone alarm beeped as he was walking up the street towards the parking garage. He arrived just as Sebastian and Sunshine came out from the shopping center.

[Did you get your drivers pass?] Sunshine asked.

With a flourish, Jaamies pulled it out and showed them. They both clapped him on the back and hugged him.

[Kimi will be so proud of you, doing this all on your own,] Sebastian told him. [Do you want to drive home?]

Jaamies grabbed the keys out of Sebastian's outstretched hand with a chuckle. [Does a man with a large white hat shit in the woods?] He said, quoting one of his favorite humans.

He settled himself into the seat and began to back up.

[Was that a Mika Hakkinen quote?] Sebastian asked.

Jaamies couldn't gesture while driving, so he nodded. He hadn't thought of Mika in a long time. He was matched to Jaamies' brother, but they hadn't seen each other in years. He maneuvered out of the space, careful not to hit the cars on either side.

[That reminds me! When we were coming down to the car, we saw his son.]

[We waved, but he did not see us.]

'Whose son?' Jaamies sent to Sunshine. He turned and put his arm on the seat so he could see the garage's support post in the space opposite.

'Mika's son.' Sunshine sent a picture of the boy from the inspection office.

Jaamies turned to stare at Sunshine and backed into the post.


	52. Chapter 52

Pauli At The Store  
Finland- 2017

 

There was a store on the way home from the track with a picture of a bag of food. Pauli rested his forearms on the steering wheel and looked up at the sign, checking for an indication it might not mean what it said. Sometimes that happened. Humans were going in empty handed and leaving with bags of food, though.

Valtteri had opened the bread box this morning to discover no bread. Valtteri should have bread. Humans liked to eat bread.

He got out of the car and locked the door behind him. He adjusted his leather jacket so the collar was protecting his neck better from the cold Homeland winter. He went into the store, checking the stickers beside the window to make sure the picture for his pay card was here.

To the left hand side was the plant type foods. He saw the big picture of a bread farther back in that corner. He went to look at the racks of bread. Valtteri liked the blue and yellow package. He didn’t see it, here.

He looked from side to side. Humans could be unfriendly when Racing Drivers did things most humans did not do. He didn't see anyone. He leaned down and sniffed a bread that looked similar to Valtteri’s kind. He moved over and sniffed another bag. Then another. This one smelled almost right.

He heard footsteps behind him.

Then he felt the presence of another Racing Driver.

Oh no.

He turned around.

He hadn't seen much of him since he retired. Now the White was standing behind him, arms crossed, not in the pose, but in that teasing pose he’d picked up somewhere.

The White shook his head. He still wore those sunglasses and hat all the time, like pieces of a helmet.

He was less intimidating since Pauli had earned his own Championship.

Jaamies came over to him and held out his hand. It had a phone in it.

‘Take it, little brother, I’ll show you what to do.’ His voice was softer, more relaxed now, than he had ever seemed, when he was cold and distracted at the tracks. He seemed friendly. More like Kimi.

He took the phone.

Jaamies showed him to choose gestures to make the phone make noises. How was this going to help?

Jaamies waved at a young human woman in a green apron.

[What are you looking for?] He asked Pauli.

[Bread in blue and yellow. It’s dark inside, it’s chewy.]

Jaamies chose the gestures on the phone that matched this description, and also chose the gesture for similar. He pushed the big silver SAY icon. The phone made noise.

The woman nodded. She made a noise back.

Pauli was startled when the phone beeped and lit up with a picture of a Racing Driver gesturing, [Sweet bread or not?]

[Sweet, please,] He watched Jaamies choose the gestures, seeing the pattern used to hide the different types of gestures on the screen.

When the phone spoke again, the woman nodded and pulled a bread off the shelf. [This should be similar,] The phone said. 

Pauli smelled it. It was just right!

He thanked the woman.

[It’s nice to see you,] Jaamies said. [Do you have a phone? I can show you how to get this…] He gestured something and sent, ‘Picture tool.’

Pauli watched Jaamies put the tool on Pauli’s phone.

[You will figure it out easily. You’re very smart.]

He turned to walk away, and then walked back.

He hugged Pauli.

It wasn't a long hug.

He stepped away. [I never said thank you.]

[For what?]

Jaamies took a step back. [For Kimi’s life.] He nodded once. Then he did turn.

Pauli stood frozen for a moment, then revved hard to get Jaamies attention.

When the White turned around, Pauli gestured, [Of course...my friend.]

Jaamies SMILED.

He nodded at Pauli again. [Friend.] He did turn, then.

Pauli took his pay card and the bread to the pay station. He couldn't stop smiling. Grocery shopping was easy, and fun, and a great way to make new friends.


	53. Chapter 53

Jaamies At The Store  
Finland-2017

 

He took a picture of the page posted on the board outside of the grocery store. [What does this mean? This says if I bring a picture of the cans it will cost less?]

[You must bring THAT picture, with the numbers. Sometimes they will have one at the store to use,] Came back Gautier’s text. [Do a search online.]

Jaamies picked up a page from the stack beneath the board. He searched online, and found a picture from the company that made the soup that would let him have an extra can of soup for every 3 he bought. If he added that to the money he could save with this picture, he could buy 10 cans of soup and get 3 free. 

Then he found a picture that would let him have a portion of his whole shopping removed from the price. He found a picture for a sample can of corn. He found a picture for bread if he bought a new kind of packaged sandwich meat.

He did some math in his head. Math had been an effort to learn, but was proving worthwhile now.

When the lady at the counter asked for his pay card at the end of his shopping, he had a whole cart full of groceries. Granted, some of the things were things his family did not want to eat, and he’d bought a LOT of soup, but between Kimi’s extended family and Jaamies’ friends and family, and the bond pairs that visited Kimi’s for consultations, and the Northern Stigs weekender hockey team, and all the children and foals who were constantly visiting, these things would all be eaten.

It only cost as much as three liters of petrol for the Alfa Romeo.

Too bad he was new at this, he was sure he could do much better the next time.

He still wasn't sure why they had given him the free bucket…


	54. Chapter 54

Dinner  
Stig Central, Spain- 2017

 

The housing buildings went on forever, like a line of stables, end to end, above the ground. Some of them had been made into buildings full of shelves, and some into buildings where Stigs could go to get help. Two whole buildings had been used to make a medical center.

Glass, lead mare of Redbull, stood on the steps in front of her building. The air was warm and dry, here. It was windy. There were plants growing between the buildings. Tiny like grass or moss, but which would grow into bigger plants that would hold food.

There was new actual grass, too, growing in some of the exercise yards. They had been told they and the foals would be allowed to play there, without walls.

The plants smelled like fresh growth. Like spring. She felt a little touch on her hand. The Redbull herd had all chosen to live in a close group. They had chosen the sets of rooms they wanted to live in, though they weren’t all connected as a single what humans called house. They were all within easy mental reach of each other, and since most of the adults were unmatched, that wasn’t a great distance, but the houses were stacked in levels. Some men who were helping the Racing Drivers had come to tell them there were too many of them together, that each adult should have an entire small room to themself and the large rooms were to be recreation areas.

It was ridiculous. If they arranged themselves like that only a little handful of Racing Drivers could live in each house, which would be mostly full of useless recreational space. The herd would take up an entire street worth of housing all by themselves.

This had been explained to the men, and the Stigs had been educated about fire safety, and a compromise had been reached with everyone receiving extensive fire response training and lots of fire extinguishers and most of the houses having extra walls and doors built in so the rules counted them as...flats.

Glass picked up the more sensitive of the babies without thinking, and dandled him while watching the other speak.

[Mama. Chicane and I are hungry. May we eat, please?] He was going to be a Green. She knew the signs. Most of her foals had been Blues, but this one, his seriousness and his automatic caretaking for his brother, the shy one who was certainly going to be an Orange, behaved in a way that told her a story. A story she had heard before.

[Yes, Axle, we will eat. Come here to me,] She picked the other foal up on her other hip, and looked towards the play area, with the metal pipes bent round into big climbing toys. ‘Zephyr, Chassis, there will be food, soon, come back when I call for you.’

She went inside. Storm lived here, with her foals, and Steel lived in what had been another part of the same house, but was now her own flat. They all shared a mess hall, though.

There was a book on the shelf in the cooking room, the kitchen. She opened it and set it on the counter. Chicane and Axle sat on the counter on either side of her and looked at the pictures. The first picture was of the kinds of food she would need, to make the meal. It showed them whole, as they would appear in the cupboard or the store.

She got out the noodles from their cupboard, and the tomatoes, zucchini, onions, and a jar of tomato sauce. She matched the words printed in large print along the side of the page to the spices on the spice rack, taking down the bottles with the matching words. She got the two pans shown, and the metal bowl with the holes in it.

Cooking had been a new experience for her. Her whole life she had never needed to think about where food came from and what was required to get it ready for Racing Drivers to eat. She had gone to the mess hall and eaten a tray of food, just like everyone else. Some of the stables allowed mares to take food back to their places and do what they liked with it, but Redbull had always been more strict.

Her youngest foals were fascinated by the process. Chicane watched with wide eyes and Axle held his little hands out. [I want to help, Mama. I want to cook noodles.]

This meal didn’t need much that little, uncoordinated hands could do, so she put the pot in the sink and turned on the water to run, slowly, pointing out a spot inside. [When the water is this deep, turn the faucet off, and tell me it is ready, alright?]

Chicane leaned over his brother’s shoulder to supervise.

She cut vegetables and spooned out spices according to the color of the spoon, mixing them into the jar of tomato sauce. When Axle’s pan was deep enough, she put it on the stove to boil. She needed to cook the vegetables, but the foals couldn’t help with that part.

They needed something to do, or they would get in the way. She thought about what else would be needed. [Axle, I want you to think about the meal, and get all the dishes we will need once we are eating it. Let Chicane help you.]

He came back to her with his hands full of forks, holding them out to her to take. She was stirring the vegetables, so she looked around. [Set them on the table.] An idea occurred to her. [Find one plate for everyone and set one fork on each plate, so they will be ready.]

Chicane was holding the condiment caddy and a roll of paper towels.

[You are so thoughtful. Put those on the table so everyone can reach them.]

The door opened. Zephyr and Chassis ran in. [MAMA! Look who found us in the play yard!] The 5 year olds were jumping up and down.

Glass looked at who walked in behind them. A tall stallion with deep tan skin and a puff of curly hair, a neatly trimmed beard, and a huge grin. He was wearing all green, and was followed by a human in a strangely patterned shirt, with an equally huge grin. [AUSTRALIA!] She revved in delight and threw her arms around him.

She kissed her son’s face, laughing through her tears. [I missed you! Where have you been?!]

His man gestured a greeting, and she returned it, enthusiastically, wishing, for the first time that she could hug a human. [Hello, Dan. I’m glad to see both of you.]

Zephyr and Chassis were wriggling in excitement, and Axle and Chicane were offered hugs as well, but the foals knew not to demand attention from stallions. So they waited, fixated on the big Green.

[Did you bring anyone else?] She asked, scanning the immediate area for minds, but not wanting to seem too intensely interested.

Dan hid a grin poorly, but Oz just nodded. [Rabbit will be here after dark. He has something to discuss with the herd.]

He could just tell one of the older foals was going to break ranks and ask, so he forestalled the interruption by answering before it could be asked. [The other team stallions will come to see the lead mare, and her foals,] He grinned and tousled their hair, [When they have seen their own dams.]

Only one of the Redbull Boys, as they were known, had a living twin, and Wendy was a Racing Mare, and lived with her match in a different place, so Tumba’s dam was the closest family he had living at Redbull.

Or Stig Central, or whatever this place was called, where the Redbull herd, and so many other herds, lived together.

[Look what I brought!] Dan gestured to the foals, returning into the entry room, where the door separated the two flats. He opened a bag and started to pull out marvels to show them.

[I’m not supposed to tell anyone except you what Rabbit’s proposal will be,] Oz said [But you are the lead mare and you will need to know.] 

His face was serious. A thinker and a caregiver, just like a Green. [We have been looking for a different place. For all of Redbull to live together. This is good, but, we think we found a better place. Where we can all take care of each other, where we don’t have to be lost among a crowd. We want to move everyone to a new place that we will make ourselves. It will take time, but we will be able to make a place meant for Stigs.]

A smile spread across her face.

Rabbit and Oz would think of something like this.

A place that wasn’t made for humans and Stigs crammed uncomfortably into it. A place they made that fit their needs. Of course it was the right thing to do. This housing was never meant to be permanent. It was meant for while the Stigs were learning to take care of themselves. It was a little step towards not being reliant on humans. Oz and Rabbit were ready to move them right into the next step, a bigger step.

[Mark and Rabbit found a good area. They are ready to buy the land and start making buildings. It is in a warm place, but if it is warm, we will be able to have homes with our doors open to the outside air. If it is warm our humans will be safe and comfortable, and it will not be so warm we are uncomfortable.] He believed in this idea. She could see it in his bearing. He was a born lead stallion. Neither Rabbit nor Sunshine had ever been inclined to lead. Rabbit had a warrior’s heart, but he’d learned. Sunshine had never learned.

Her Oz was inclined to lead. He would do a fine job.

[Buildings are valuable. How will Mark be able to make enough for all of us?]

His smile froze.

[Australia…] What was the trick?

[We found some people who will be willing to trade us money for work.]

[Work doing what tasks?] She growled.

His tension dissolved, [Driving.]

Something about this still sounded wrong.

What was she missing.

[Who?] She asked.

[Sunshine helped us find them.]

[Which humans?]

[Well, not humans.]

She waited.

[A company,] He made an apologetic face.

Oh. She knew where this was going, now. [Redbull.]

He nodded, face even more apologetic. [Are you angry?]

She thought, with the experience of an entire lifetime of dealing with their representatives. A smile returned to her face.

No.

Not a smile.

A smirk.

[Did they ask, or did Sunshine ask?]

[I asked Sunshine to go to them.]

A laugh burst from her throat. She nodded. [I am NOT angry. You...You tell Sunshine I would like to be present when he arranges this deal with Redbull.]

Sunshine was not a lead stallion, not a warrior.

He was a planner.

A master manipulator.

And with that came negotiating skills so fierce she would have set him against all 3 Ferrari stallions, any 3 leaders of ANY stable.

Sunshine was a planner. It had made him a multiple world champion. It had made him one of the most winning stallions alive.

He had taken every last drop of what Redbull had offered to him, even as a colt.

Now, as a strong, patient, mature stallion?

He would take everything they had to offer and everything they did not know could be taken away.

He was the weapon of their revenge.

It would be so satisfying to see Redbull give the herd everything they had always deserved.

She laughed.

Oz was truly a lead stallion worthy of the greatest bloodline.

The door opened again, and the rest of the Redbull Boys wandered in, greeting the foals, and coming into the kitchen to pay their respects to her. Tumba and Fili hugged her and Pilot slipped his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek, before eagerly following his foals off to their stall to see the projects they were working on for their lessons, and their new hobbies. Fili took over the cooking from her, showing his Carlos his skill at sauteing, and Tumba straightened up the table, and got down the rest of the dishes that would be needed, that the foals had forgotten.

It was perfect. A loud kitchen full of happily gesturing Racing Drivers. 

Storm came in with her foals, who ran into the other room to play with Pilot and the other foals, and Storm brought a big bowl of salad to the table. As the evening went on, the house filled up with family, laughing, noisy foals and after dinner, singing and stories.

The responsible mares and unmatched stallions were all present when Rabbit arrived with his plan. They accepted the proposal, offering suggestions and asking clarifying questions, but never challenged his right to make decisions for them.

Not because they weren’t free.

Because they were.

Free to choose their leader. Free to support him. Free to trust him.


	55. Chapter 55

Home Is Where The Heart Is  
Kimi’s House- 2017

 

[I need plates.] Sunshine opened the junk drawer and then closed it again. He crouched down and looked into the pan cabinet.

[You know where the plates are.] Kimi sat up onto the barstool and watched over the counter as Sunshine rummaged. [Not in there.]

[No. I need to find a piece of paper.] He looked at the front of the fridge but it was all snapshots and magnets and one written note about the scheduling of hockey practice.

[Try the phone table.] Kimi spun on the stool to watch Sunshine walk to the foyer to the little notepad by the phone cradle. He stood there for a moment and came back in. He handed Kimi a drawing of a plate. It was a perfectly nearly copied design. [This is very well done,] He said.

Sunshine nodded. [It is just like drawing a circuit.] His prefered method of visualisation. He had a whole notebook full of the things. Several of them. They were on a little shelf, up in his room. Sebastian had been a little resentful when Sunshine had asked him to bring them over and leave them for him.

[Do you want me to put this on the fridge?] Kimi asked.

[No, I want you to call to this number. Tell them I want plates, and the small plates, cups, bowls and glasses. I will also need...things for cooking.] He handed Kimi his phone, with a dish manufacturer’s website contact page.

[We have dishes.]

Sunshine shook his head. [I must have my own dishes. In this Kimi place,]

[Finland.]

[Finland, it is important for adults to have dishes with their own certain pattern. I am an adult. I have been for a long time.] He drew himself up and nodded. He pointed towards the phone.

Before Kimi could say, “But we have dishes,” Again, Sunshine said, [It is for when I move out.]

Kimi’s mouth dropped open.

He had assumed Sunshine would move out when they were all free. He’d assumed Sunshine would come back from Versailles and go straight home with Sebastian. He hadn’t. He had come home with Kimi and been shocked by the suggestion he might go home with Sebastian. He asked Kimi if he wanted him to leave. Sebastian asked why he didn’t want to go home. There had been a huge fight, but when it was over, Sunshine had made it clear he intended to stay with Kimi, if Kimi and Jaamies would have him. Sebastian was here, more than he ever had been, and sometimes Sunshine went to stay with Sebastian.

He always came back and his things stayed put in the bedroom he used for a stall upstairs.

Did he just not want to live with Sebastian?

He was giving Kimi a knowing look, like he was waiting for the question to be asked. Kimi hadn’t asked why when he announced his intention to stay and he wouldn’t ask now, but he was curious.

[Where will you go?] He dialed the phone.

[I will buy a house.]

[That is a big decision,] Kimi said, neutrally. The answering system at the dishes company picked up and they spent several minutes not discussing the move while Sunshine ordered enough dishware to keep the whole hockey team supplied. He decided not to order cookware until he had more information. He paid with the bank card he and Sebastian had set up when he had first established his identity.

When the phone call was finished, Kimi walked into the hall and set the phone on the charger cradle. He walked slowly because he needed a moment to think before the conversation resumed.

He turned around. Sunshine had followed him as far as the archway between the kitchen and the foyer. [I’m going to Australia.]

Australia. That was going to be a BIG change.

The Redbulls were there, though.

That was understandable.

[When we came back here, I couldn’t live with Sebastian, it would have been too easy to feel like I was finally home. Of course I feel like this is my home, please, I love it here, you know that. I never intended to stay. I got taken away from my family.] He pouted his chin out in that way just like Sebastian when he was fighting for control. [I told Sebastian. I want to go be with them.]

Kimi nodded, of course. He sent mental cuddles and a feeling of being proud of Sunshine. He snuggled into the feeling, but then his face became serious again.

[You need to come as well.]

Leave Finland, when he was finally able to stay?

Sunshine sagged the tiniest bit, he always did when mentioning the bond Sebastian and Kimi shared, that he’d tried so hard to deny. [Sebastian needs a human to balance his Stig nature. He need you like I need him. We all stay if you stay.]

Kimi had done more travelling that he had ever wanted to do in his life. When the FIA fell, he thought it was over, but he’d gone to Versailles, and then to Austria, and then to Antarctica, of all places. He was finally back. They had started a hockey team.

How could he go to Australia?

Who would take care of the Northern Stigs?

He looked around the house where he had lived and worked, hosted dozens of Racing Drivers. The house was always full, now, of Stigs from the hockey team, or visiting Jaamies, in for a consult from him, OR Sebastian and Sunny and their burgeoning counselling clientele.

If Kimi left, the hockey team would meet at Toni and Duck’s house. The clients had to travel here, anyway, just as easy to travel somewhere else. He would miss Finland, but he had been away so much of his life anyway. There would be regular traffic to the Ice, from now on, if he ever missed the cold.

There was great motocross in Australia.

That was another thing. The motocross team.

But really, Meridian and Vicky had that well in hand. He was almost never there, either.

He felt a mental touch and looked up the stairs. Jaamies was standing there.

[Kimi. For once, make a decision for YOU. You have given, it is alright to receive. One time, do what is right for you. I give you permission.] Jaamies had tears in his eyes and he was straining to send how badly he wanted Kimi to have something for himself.

They had given up so much for each other. He had called his life paying an unfair price for so many years that it had become habit, until one day last fall, when he had watched two Racing Drivers playing in the yard, and realised that the price wasn’t unfair, because he had received something so special and so wonderful, and so unique.

Jaamies had given him the ability to hear all the Racing Drivers. He had unlocked a world no other human would ever get to enjoy. He DID enjoy it. He LOVED talking to his Racer friends. His family.

He had felt the fear rising up in the back of his mind over the past year, that he would become obsolete, now that Racing Drivers were known. That everyone would slowly drift away.

He had realised he didn’t WANT to be alone. Didn’t WANT to be away.

The habit of calling it unfair was just that, a habit. He wouldn’t change it if he could. He was the most fortunate man on the planet.

He wanted to go to Australia, where Sebastian and Sunshine would be with their herd, the house would be filled with consults and dirt bikers and maybe a field hockey team. 

He would never be alone, he would be with an even bigger family.

He wanted to take his Racing Drivers home.


	56. Chapter 56

Swift Challenge  
Valtteri Bottas’ House- 2017

 

‘I have news.’

The unexpected sending made Pauli jump. He slammed his hand down on the spinning device. It looked like the frame of an umbrella, but made of fine, dark wood. He turned from his seat in front of the low coffee table he liked to work on.

Jaamies was leaning in the doorframe, arms crossed, his ear length blonde hair mussed. They must have ridden over here. He smelled like that machine he rode. Pauli’s eyes flicked to his boots. Yes, motorcycle boots.

He nodded, once, in acknowledgement of the Champion’s statement.

The big white came in and sat in the red armchair Valtteri habitually occupied, across the lacquered coffee table from Pauli. [The hockey team needs a new place to meet.]

Pauli nodded accedence.

[Good.] He touched the near corner of the mechanism and swiveled it back and forth. [You need to make use of the work that went into teaching you.] He didn’t look at Pauli.

Pauli sat back in the chair and crossed his arms. [I did,] He flicked the words over his biceps with just his fingertips.

[I am sorry.]

He shook his head. Sorry was small comfort. Jaamies’ sorrow was not going to change anything.

[The Northern Stigs are alone. They are spread out, alone with their matches. This is not good for them. I am going to put them in your care.] Jaamies looked up at him through the short hairs hanging over his bright eyes.

[What?] Pauli’s face scrunched in incredulity.

[They will still live with their men, but they need a herd.] He stood, taking one of the crisps out of the bag beside the umbrella swift and eating it. He touched the yarn winding swift again. [And you are a lead stallion who needs a herd to lead. So, you will have the frame of McLaren.]

He stood, shoulders back, daring Pauli to challenge him.

Pauli remained sitting on the chair, knees together, now sitting up with his hands between them.

McLaren.

The oldest bloodline.

It was Jaamies’ to do with as he liked, since Lentaa had declined leadership. Sugarboy had gone off somewhere to learn law. Snap and Prince had their hands full with Mercedes, and the inflow of foals and displaced Stigs who had come to their bloodline, and what of McLaren had followed them.

Pauli was proud to be a born and raised McLaren, but Williams had needed a young champion. All the years learning to lead, and the stable crumbling through his fingers on the day they were freed.

[Most of the stallions are Rally Drivers,] Jaamies told him.

Pauli stood up and threw a hug around the other stallion’s shoulders.

[Challenge accepted.]


	57. Chapter 57

Kimin Kilpa-Ajaja  
Redbull Village, Australia- 2017

 

There was a box on the floor by the kitchen table when Kimi got home.

It was about a meter on each side.

It was wrapped in orange paper with a geometric print, and a greyish blue ribbon.

A piece of paper on the top said, in Jaamies’ distinct handwriting,

Kimin Kilvanajajilta; Jaamies, Päivänsäde, Sebi

He looked around, but the house was still, and all three minds were silent.

He tore open the wrapping paper and opened the flaps of the brown box inside. Inside was another box, about the size of a bread box, covered in glitter. He pulled this out. The glitter was red and stuck to his hand. In one corner the glue hadn’t dried all the way. He knew who had decorated THIS box.

He could hear a high pitched wa-wa-wa noise. An engine giggle. He pretended he hadn’t heard it.

This box had a lid. It pulled off to reveal a wooden box covered in decoupage, Sunshine’s favorite new hobby. It was tiny, neatly clipped pictures of stars cut out of glossy magazine pages. There were drawings of stars, and stylized stars, and pictures of the night sky, and a few compass roses. It fit tightly in the glitter covered box, and he eased it out, trying not to get glitter on it.

It had a lock. The key turned out to be underneath the biggest box, and he used it to open the locked decoupage box. Inside was a hockey jersey. It was the same colors as the Ice One Motocross team jerseys and the front said Ice One Hockey and the back said Raikkonen.

Under this was a picture of his name as said in gesture and sending.

A Racing Driver, the sort of generic Stig-ish stylized one that was becoming popular, holding right hand cupped over left fist. [Home.] Behind him was a white background and the wavey outline that represented speed.

He smiled.

So this was what all the phone calls and Skype visits and texts and emails and paperwork had been about.

Jaamies was returning the favor.

Building a team to give to Kimi.

Unable to wait any longer, his Racing Drivers burst out of the pantry, where they’d been watching him through the slightly open door. The three of them surrounded him with hugs and buffets and loud, excited noises.

Kimi’s Racing Drivers.


	58. Chapter 58

Grandfoals  
Redbull Village- 2018

 

When they moved to the Redbull Village the first thing they did was start to track down foals. It had never occurred to Kimi and Sebastian that there might be grandfoals. The last time Kimi had looked at Jaamies’ stud reports had been years before, too early for any of them to be matched.

Of course they knew Pilot had sons and daughters, but in the ruckus, no one had put two and two together and realized those 6 and 3 year olds were Sunshine’s grandfoals.

They adopted Kimi, as Sebastian’s match, and Jaamies as extra grandsires immediately.

Jaamies scooped the weaned age fillies up and put them on his knee. [Once upon a time, there a little Black Racing Rider, and any time he wanted, he could turn into a bird and fly around the world, to every circuit, and he would pick up his friend and take him up to top of the world. They would sit on the clouds and watch the cars race on the circuit at the end of the world. Then one day, the little Black Racing Rider couldn't turn back into a Racing Rider and he had to stay a bird, so he flew into his friend's heart and every day after that, that's where he lived, telling his friend stories and reminding him to be brave. He taught the other little Racing Rider to turn into a bird, too, so he could fly and sit on the clouds any time he wanted.]

[And that was uncle Gimmie,] One of the fillies, Zephyr, instructed the other.

[Tell us about Gransire Sunny when HE was a colt!] The other filly, Chassis bounced on Jaamies' knee. [Was he as fast as me??]

Jaamies face got very, very stern, [Was little Sunshine as fast as you? He was as fast as the swallow swooping across the sky. As fast as the wind. But even he was not as fast as either of you two.] He nuzzled his nose to theirs and they giggled.

He looked up in time to watch one of the boxes the new dirt bike motors had arrived in shuffle across the floor.

'I'm a box,' came a little thought from inside.

'Oh no,' Jaamies said, setting the fillies down. 'A Wild Box has appeared. They just won't stay on the shelves in the garage without being told.' He went over and scooped an arm under the open bottom of the box where the 4 year old colt was hiding, lifting him and the box up, to a chorus of squealing giggles.

[That's Chicane!] Zephyr laughed.

[Are you sure? I'm pretty sure it's a box. I'll just go put it back in the garage.]

There was another squeal of laughter. Chicane threw his arms over the edge of the box, [Grandsire, it's me!! You didn't know!!]


	59. Chapter 59

Barbecue  
Redbull Village, Australia- 2018

 

In the distance, a digeredoo could be heard, played by a mechanical voice. Sunshine ran along the path, his red Ferrari brand sandals flicking sand up behind him as he coaxed Sebastian to hurry. Sebastian had a four year old under each arm.

One of them poked his cheek, [Smile,]

Sunshine laughed. The 7 year old he was carrying piggyback, laughed as well.

The filly put her head next to his, [Go fast, Grandsire.]

He trotted a few steps, bumping her around, and then darted down the sandy path between the sea grasses to the beach.

Two other stallions scooped up the foals from Sebastian’s arms and slung them onto their own backs, running full stride after Sunshine. [Sire!] One of the foals waved, [Get him!]

The matches came even with Sebastian and slowed to walk with him. “Stallion,” Sebastian said.

Dan grinned at the acknowledgment, attention focused on his Racer running ahead of them.

Max said, “I’m starving. I hope Daniil brings pomme frites.” He was carrying a huge bowl of vegetable salad. Dan had a handful of grocery bags in each hand.

Sebastian laughed, “Daniil knows better than to let YOU down.”

“Not if he wants Tumba to get any peace,” Dan agreed.

The beach had a big outdoor kitchen made of native stone. Power had been wired in, over the dunes from the village, and there was a barbecue pit on one side and a regular firepit for beach bonfires on the other, with a nice smooth stone patio between. It was strung with plastic lanterns that imitated the fancy asian paper lanterns, but were impervious to the beach weather.

Chad Reed and Skip, his multiple world champion Racing Rider, and Brendon Hartley, were manning the barbecue pit. Slabs of ribs had been dripping over the iron grill since dawn, and now buckets of fresh caught prawns and filets of whatever ugly fish the guys had dragged onto the dock this morning.

Tumba, Daniil, and David Coulthard were walking up, now, with more of the ridgey things, strung together on lines. Tumba was wearing cutoff jeans, the bottom edge stringy, and a loose, linen shirt, unbuttoned. He was tan, the pimples gone from his face and he had a serene expression, now, that Sebastian would never have expected to see on him.

The three set their fish in the fish sink, up the hill from the actual kitchen, and laughed as they set about cleaning them.

Sebastian put down his bag of breads, moving out of the way so Dan could begin unpacking his meats into the fridge.

He walked out along the shore, where Sunshine had gone, past a volleyball game where Stigs and matches on opposite teams were using their connection to try to nudge each other to miss the ball. Laughter and revs, and Carlos calling directions, came from there.

Sunshine was kneeling with his son and his grandfoals, at the edge of the waterline, digging a hole and watching how fast it filled itself in. Oz was wading knee deep in the water, with a mask and snorkel on his face. Neither of the impliments were in any danger of getting wet, as he wandered around staring down at the tops of the waves from his full height.

Someone popped up from a beach blanket as he passed. With all these tanned bodies and dark, hairy legs he hadn’t noticed who these belonged to, until Rabbit touched his arm. He pointed to the foals with Sunshine. Pilots’ children.

[They shine like a win in the future. I am happy for you.]

[Thank you,] Sebastian told him. 

He looked down at the 4th of the set, Zephyr, who was as pale as her father and grandfather, lying on the blanket next to Rabbit’s, with sunglasses over her eyes. Her mother was on the other side. She was wearing a sunhat and a green bikini.

[Are you having fun with big brother?] Sebastian asked her.

Zephyr pulled the sunglasses down, slowly and regarded him, [Rabbit and I are having a serious discussion about my future career,] She said.

Sebastian picked up a hint of amusement from Rabbit’s mind.

[What will it be?] He asked. [Engineering?]

[I will design machines to help pit crews perform pit stops more quickly. If I could arrange a rolling platform, so the car would not have to slow down, that will improve performance.] She pointed at her brother, [Rabbit says I should consider magnetic rails. He may be right.]

[What will you do as well?] Rabbit prompted. He made a face of absolute delight, where Zephyr could not see him, but Sebastian could.

[I will invent ice cream that tastes like seeing giraffes makes me feel.] She put her sunglasses back up over her eyes and laid back on the blanket.

Rabbit’s grin contrived to get even wider.

He took a few dancing steps. [She is my favorite sister,] He told Sebastian.

A sun lotion bottle bopped him from behind. [Do not choose favorites, Rabbit,] Glass told him.

He ducked his head, [Yes, mare.] He turned back to Sebastian and nodded, though, before sitting back down to stretch out in the sun with his sister and mother.

Sebastian waved to them and went over to Sunshine.

Zephyr’s twin, Chassis, was a different foal, altogether. She had two driftwood twigs hanging from her nose and she was doing a walrus impression that had Sunshine, Pilot, and her little brother, Chicane, laughing so hard Sebastian could feel their sore stomach muscles.

Axel was making a sculpture of a car in the sand. It had seashell wheels.

Sebastian knelt down beside him. Without looking up, Axel rested a hand on his knee. It was in the, [I love you,] sign.

He continued playing, building a second car to race the first.

Sebastian brushed the foal’s hair out of his eyes. His Sunshine’s grandson. He had never felt love, like a parent’s love, before these foals had come into his life.

Dan came over, with Fernando and Alondra. Alondra was wearing a mask and walking carefully on his heels, to keep the flippers of his swim fins out of the sand. They waved as they went by and joined Oz in the water, moving deeper and swimming out together.

The sun moved across the sky. The Redbull herd played and ate, and enjoyed their holiday. United.


	60. Chapter 60

Heal  
Redbull Village- 2019

 

It was Autumn in the Southern half of the world. The Wild Stigs would be preparing to seclude themselves from the winter weather on the Ice and the Northern world was preparing for summer. Sunshine walked, each foot placed neatly in front of the other as though he was walking a line, into the small stall on the cool shady corner of the house.

He led the Stig who waited there down to the kart track. He did this at the same time every day, on one of the small tracks, out of the way, while the foals were in school, so he would be undisturbed. He would come back for a longer session for himself, because he had to keep in shape.

They made their way, in stillness back to the house and the little stall. Sunshine sat the old stallion down on the bed, sat cross legged across from him and touched his face and his back. 

He leaned into Sunshine's touch with an almost blissful expression on his face.

Sunshine removed the bubble and waited. For an attack, for a rebuke, for a scathing insult, or a wheedling manipulation. Nothing. Today was a good day, then.

[Your driving is getting even better,] Price said.

[Thank you,] Sunshine answered him, curtly. [Tell me about your first lap.]

Price glared at Sunshine not rising to the bait, but he answered each of the questions, sharing the happiness Sunshine offered him without complaint. The first time Sunshine had ever let him out of the bubble he had launched an attack, snarling and snapping and swinging elbows physically while launching a mental assault. Sunshine had pinned him and held him down, both physically and mentally and had reviewed the drive and offered the emotion, which had been denied, then he had put Price back in the bubble.

Every day he had patiently waiting for Price to share politely. It only took a few days before Price was hungry enough for emotional fulfillment that he broke his mental hunger strike.

Rabbit didn’t know Sunshine was working with Price as a therapy Trainer. He didn't know there was a way to get Price out of the bubble at all. It would have frightened him. No one knew, except Jaamies, who saw right through any subterfuge Sunshine attempted, and who did the duty when Sunshine was away. Even Kimi didn't know.

The changes were marked, though. Sunshine would offer what Price needed to thrive, every day. He was Price’s only contact, aside from rare encounters with Jaamies. He saw the hardness chipping away day by day. He saw the wounds in his mind scabbing over.

Some days Price slipped back, but mostly, now, they could have a civil conversation. He wanted, so badly for Price to recover. To become healthy, to understand what he had done wrong and feel sorry.

Sunshine thought, maybe if he could be patient enough, love Price enough while Price learned to change…

...Maybe it would make up in some small way, for all that Sunshine had done wrong. It was a childish hope, but he knew caring for Price was the right thing to do, and trying to care for his mental health was right, as well. He really had grown up to be the kind of stallion Rabbit could be proud of. Now if only Price could change as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment.
> 
> If you are having a hard time thinking what to say, please consider the following (feel free to leave your letter of choice.)
> 
> A) I like this  
> B) This is awesome  
> C) What will happen next?  
> D) I didn't think this was interesting.
> 
> Real People don't belong to me.
> 
> This story is fiction and is no reflection on anyone in it. The story does belong to me, as does the AU in which it is set.


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